Ever wanna throw the towel in and say I QUIT

Terri - posted on 02/01/2010 ( 38 moms have responded )

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I am so tired of feeling like the only one that does stuff with teaching, cleaning, fixing meals, that my job is never done, yet no aprreciation shown for what I do do. I guess what I am asking do you ever feel used and just wanna quit and walk out the door.

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Sandra - posted on 02/01/2010

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Uh YEP!!!!! If I don't do things for myself, I very easily get to the point where I'm ready to walk out the door and NEVER come back! Every day the kids and I all take a quiet time. Everyone is by themselves, doing something quiet, or napping for at least an hour. I don't let myself do housework during this time, it's my time to read, do my nails, nap, what ever. The kids are either watching a movie, playing, napping...something quiet and alone. It really helps me de-stress and not feel so overwhelmed.

Lynn - posted on 02/04/2010

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Dear Terri - That is the job! Misery loves company, be assured we have all been there. This does NOT make you a bad mom! It is time to assess ways to refresh yourself. I used to label myself a married single mom cuz my husband traveled 3 out of 4 weeks. It was exhausting. I finally came to a place where each of three kids was allowed to do scouting and one sport on top of school. They had to learn to make a choice - it was a growth experience for them and for me that led to alot more time freedom. Our motto was always responsibilities first; recreation second. That also helped. The kids all had chores - my 18 year old twins still do weekly chores, their own laundry and are top students who work part-time and do youth groups at church. They've learned time management and how to carpool with friends to make activities they want to go to happen since they don't have a car.
Is your husband helping in the home or with the kids or are you also going it alone? I also learned that just asking my husband to take very specific things helped me. He really always thought I had it under control and never thought to pitch in until I asked. Complaining never helped me - he saw that as adversarial. When I straight up asked - he was always so sweet!
Will send up a prayer of comfort and rest for you - best of luck. Being a mom is the most rewarding yet challenging job in the whole world.

Karin - posted on 02/02/2010

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:D Every week! Since my husband is a pilot, there are months when I don't know when he will be home or gone, so it's really tough (the respect I have for full-time single moms is soooo huge!). I agree with the other ladies - you NEED to take some adult time for yourself. I haven't done it for myself for several months, & I told my husband that I may need to be stuck in a hotel room for 2-3 days without contact! ;)

Don't give up, because you just have to remember what it would be like to your family if Mom goes MIA. Also, look into hourly day-care centers if you don't have back-up with friends or family. It may be a little pricy if you do it a lot, but sometimes even paying for 1-2 hours to go watch that movie or hanging out with friends can be worth it. :D

KELLIE - posted on 02/01/2010

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oh course I have. When my family split up, my ex never looked back. I had 4 kids under 5 ,So I can't remember how many times that i've fallen to the floor crying and asking god to give me strenght to keep going. If fact each time, I picked myself up and kept going. The hardest time that I needed strenght, My third child had cancer and I had all 4 kids in brisbane Children's hospital while Jessie was receiving chemo. There was never a point that i wasn't tired or should i say exhursted. As much as any one mum wants to walk out. ( and I've given my kids the option) that we don't, we enjure and we love.
So yes i can empathise with you.....lol...... take care kellie

Sarah - posted on 02/01/2010

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Yes, yes and YES! I have 5 daughters and a husband that works midnights. I feel like a single parent most of the time with ungrateful teenage kids and a toddler! I have started GNO (girls night out) once a month and you would be surprised how much a 3 hour break for dinner and adult conversation helps!

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Heather - posted on 02/07/2010

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There are many days I feel like that. Mind you, I'd never do it but the fantasy of being able to walk away and have time that's mine keeps me going some times. I'm a Mom to 4 girls ranging from 1-9 yrs and my husband works 5 hours away so he's gone for 8 days and home for 4. When he's gone I'm usually fine but when he's home and decides he needs a nap during the busiest time of the day or can't do something simple like fold a load of laundry (or get his dirty laundry into the laundry basket!) I'm ready to walk out the door.



I think it's often the feeling of being unappreciated that drives us to want to just walk away.

Jane - posted on 02/06/2010

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all the time....but thank goodness GOD gave us this drive that keeps us going, even when we feel like we cant go on any more....when we look in those little ones eyes, and feel that love that cant be measured.....when you lay in the bed and your hubby holds in his arms, we just seem to get this drive that says ok, im not super mom, but i guess i have to keep going....were like little energizer bunnies.....we keep going and going and going......seriously, try to get some me time, even just a few minutes a nite....dont worry about the little stuff.....let things go...no not a totaly filthy mess, but dont worry about it being perfect.....

Samantha - posted on 02/06/2010

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I can relate!!! I'm sure all stay at home mom's can. My husband works and feels like it's too much for him to watch the baby for a few minutes so I can finish doing some chore... I thought we both took part in concieving the baby, but I feel like I'm the only one doing work. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who feels like 'quiting' I always worried that it made me a bad mom or wife***

Erin - posted on 02/06/2010

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I don't ever think of "quitting". Ever. Being a mom and a wife are full time jobs that don't get nearly as much recognition and appreciation as they deserve, but someone has to do them and it was our choice to take the position - so we have to live up to the responsibilities and challenges that come with the territory. Your mom didn't give up on you, so why would you give up on your child or your husband?

I've got the same rap, but possibly worse. I'm a stay-at-home mom living in my future in-law's house, and I spend the day tending to my baby, taking out the trash, doing laundry, dishes, vacuuming, straightening the house (I'm an O.C.D cleaning Nazi), making dinner (sometimes lunch and snacks, if my boyfriend is home) and as of lately, going out and shoveling the driveway (mind you, it's only been 6 weeks since I had my son). But, when my boyfriend's parents get home, all I hear is how lazy I am, how worthless I am, I'm not good enough for their son and how awful I am at being a mother. Yet, even with the constant seething barrage of bull, I keep my sanity and my cool (amazing, yes?).

There's no sense in you getting so wound up and frustrated. Have your husband, your mom or a close trusted friend watch your little one(s) while you get out for a well-deserved break and relax. Just remember that your appreciation is every day when your child and your husband hug you and tell you they love you.

Ala Ala - posted on 02/06/2010

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i SO know how you feel. that is exacty how i feel right now. i love my hsband and my kids to death, but sometimes i just need time off from all the chaos. just silence with noone shouting "mommy! mommy!"

we are not moms for wanting this. we have a 24/7 job. especially when someone gets sick... we dont get sleep. we stay up or we have sometimes mastered the art of sleeping with our eyes open.

just hang in there.. it gets better. we all have those off days. just take a breather.... we are not bad moms for wanting some break sometimes

Rebecca - posted on 02/06/2010

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Definitely. I was so glad to find this discussion as I was starting to get bummed out about this very topic. I call it "Groundhog Day" - you just get through it all and after a few hours of sleep you do it all again - the same day over and over. I have a 7 yr old and had just gotten him started in elementary school and been able to pursue my own career and interests again, when I was blessed with surprise baby #2. Of course, I adore her and am thrilled to have been blessed again, but it has been a hard adjustment to be tied to home again. I have some morning babysitting time, so I can get some alone time during the week, but it's mostly spent doing chores or activities at my son's school. Then my hands are full when my son comes home and I have both kids through the dinner 'witching hour'. I don't get to spend quality time with my son as I have to chase my now walking daughter around after he gets home (she naps during the school day). And my husband and I barely see each other. He's home just in time for bedtime most nights and the weekend we end up separating and each taking one child. The chores have more than doubled with two children, and I feel frazzled and unorganized all the time. Yesterday I put popcorn in the microwave with the plastic wrap still on it! (And I was wondering why I couldn't find the directions!) I can say that I know from experience with my 7-yr-old that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but it's not easy returning to the diaper/nap/carrying stage again! (Someone once told me that when you are a parent of young kids, the days are really long, but the years are short!) Hang in there, and don't be afraid to share your feelings with friends. We don't have to pretend to be perfect mothers!

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"ever wana throw the towel in and say I OUIT" = I feel like this at least once a day! :) ...i am (gladly divorced) single mum to four kids from 8-14yrs,.....i have been on my own for 3 yrs now & I guess on a bad day I think to myself - I didnt sign up for this "single mum/cook/cleaner/dishwasher/P.A/teacher/nurse/money tree" person that I am!! .. I have had enough !!......maybe its universal & primal for us as women to give unconditionally like this to our families.But when we dont get to keep anything in reserve for ourselves its then that the dejected feelings set in ...& we our left feeling so tired of it all - unappreciated and undervalued .. we just wonder what is the point?!!...I juggle so many balls and wear so many hats just to try to keep it all going... the world turning ..its a rollercoaster ride that never stops!! .... but around 1am when all is quiet and everyone is sleeping i am dreaming and its only then that I can get of that ride..til I wake smiling to another day .. :)

Bobbi-jo - posted on 02/05/2010

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I always doing that! and i get no help or a thankyou so ya i get like that somtimes!

MYLA - posted on 02/05/2010

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Hey Terri,

U are not alone...I can't give any advice on what you should do...but I can say I'm having the same issue. I feel as if I'm the maid, cook, nanny, banker, etc... and when something doesn't go as planned or something unusual happens it's my fault (says my husband), even if it's something thats not in my control. So yes sweetie it's not just you.

Kerri - posted on 02/05/2010

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I feel your pain lady!! I take care of both boys everyday which sounds simple enough, but considering Zack's medical and special needs it never ends. Then there is Toby who is into everything and anything. Cooking, cleaning, changing nappies etc. A mum's work is never done. Ian goes to work. I think we should get paid to be a stay at home mum!! I'm am sooo tired at the end of every day and Ian says I never talk to him anymore. Hmmm.....I'm thinking and praying for you to have extra strength. Keep your chin up. Because if it wasn't for what you do, things would be worse!!!!

Missy - posted on 02/04/2010

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My grandma up and left 8 kids . I used to wonder why when i was growing up how could she do that ... i still think she was wrong but at the same time think maybe she felt like i do some times. I am greatful that i am stronger than her and dotn walk away and at times resent that i wont jsut walk away when i feel the way i do sometimes. no one appreciates you.. you have to take care of the world... and heck even my husband fights me on makign the right choice. i say pay the house off with the taxes he says take a vacation... do i ever want to walk out the door YEP... i think we all have them days.. and i woudl not trade my spot with all this chaos for my grandmas who left all them kids.. although i would love to be not tied down to a man or kids for a week in the bahamas with some margaritas and a cabana man he he..is that what thse guys are called that fan you off and bring you dirnks.. he he

Lyn - posted on 02/04/2010

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I think that at some point time we all feel unappreciated. some single mothers who never get a break, even married women who have someone to share the tasks. it gets frustrating i know but don't give up....they might not tell you all the time or maybe even never but i assure you they all appreciate everything you do and would be lost without you! take pride in knowing that you are the only one who can do what you. give yourself a break and a big pat on the back because you mom are the man!! keep your chin up! you are loved and appreciated. just keep that in the back of your mind especially when your feeling your worst!

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YES! Last Saturday. I had a hard week with a sick baby who was teething.. she was cranky, screaming, kicking..etc. (9 mo old) I woke up saturday and to my surprise found out my hubby was going to play golf with some buddies. He said he told me earlier in the week. When I asked him what I was doing, he said oh, trying to get Katie to settle down... HMM nice! I blew up at him and then took a long hot bath. When I got out there was a note on the door that said, took the baby, take the day! love you...

If he had not done that, I may have killed him! HA JK.... you are not the only one!

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I totally feel that way. Matter a fact i'm going through that right now. Super depressed and just done. You will get like that but that is normal. Ask any at work mom and they will say the same thing that they feel like they do everything. You have to find some me time. Either a bath at night or when hubby come home take a mommy break. I just stay up after everyone goes to sleep and have my time. It helps. It will be okay. You are normal and it happens. Take a deep breathe and think it will be ok.

Susan - posted on 02/03/2010

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Yes, I think we've all felt that way at one point in time. But, when I have felt that way, I soon realize it would do me no good. I could never walk out the door without taking my kids with me and wherever I went I would have no choice but to do it all on my own. So normally, I just throw an occasional hissy and that gets the hubby and the kids moving about helping me around the house.

Michelle - posted on 02/03/2010

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Your not alone. it is really hard especially when you are the only one at home. Times are hard when it is just you and baby and you feel so alone. We all have those days when it is just not a good one and we need help and there is no one there. Hang in there it does get better and just take a minute if you can either put them somewhere safe and just take that minute. And think about how much you love them and how they make you laugh. My two year old makes me laugh everytday, but more thatn once a week we have issues.

Jacquelyn - posted on 02/03/2010

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I am and always.. your not alone! I do my job still no matter what because that's the only way anything will get done..it sux but, I am the glue of this family and I have to keep going.

Crystal - posted on 02/03/2010

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I AM THE SAME WAY IF I WANT MY HUBBY TO HELP ME WE HAVE TO FIGHT THEN HE WILL HELP HE IS LEAVING NEXT WEEK FOR 1 MONTH FOR TRAINING I AM READY FOR HIM TO GO WE JUST MOVED TO A NEW POST I HAD TO UNPACK ALMOST EVERYTHING BY MYSELF HE THINKS HE WORKS AND SHOULDNT HAVE TO HELP WHEN HE GETS HOME HE GOING TO HAVE A VERY RUDE AWAKING WHEN HE COMES HOME ONE DAY AND HIS STUFF GOING TO BE IN THE YARD WAITING ON HIM TO PUT IT UP HE KNOWS I WILL DO IT TOO

Sara - posted on 02/03/2010

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I have been right where you are a number of times myself. I am a mother of three and a stay at home mom and student. My husband works and at times it seems like his sole responsibilities are going to work. The kids, laundry, cooking , cleaning, shopping everything else is all me and at times it is frustrating. I went back to school and although the added responsibility can be stressful it does give me a little break. Another tip that helps me out is assigning chores for my children that really helps me out with the housework and cooking. My husband is the same way at times and when I feel unappreciated I treat myself, whether its a pedicure or Starbucks, I treat myself to something and I feel better. Hope it helps ;)

Heather - posted on 02/02/2010

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Oh yea! There have been plenty of times I wanted to yell "Take this job and shove it! I quit!" Oh wait...I have done that and my older kids usually tell me "You can't. You're stuck with us." Which always makes me laugh.

Lyndell - posted on 02/02/2010

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Just after I had my son and we moved from Alice Springs to the Sunshine Coast, I almost fell apart. I had post natal depression and it wasn't getting better. I was like a zombie. And then my husband decided to enrol both of the kids into day care 1 day a week, so I could have some time to me. We couldn't really afford it, but it made such a huge difference to my state of mind, that it was worth any scratch meals that we had to eat. Day care may not be an option for everyone, but there is a group called MOPS and it stands for Mothers of Preschoolers. The great thing about this group is that they take the kids, have fully qualified carers and their own program of activities, while you get a chance to sit and have adult conversation, some craft and a hot cuppa !! They are almost everywhere. So go online and look. It may only be for 2 hours every two weeks, but it can really help. Good luck.

Nikole - posted on 02/02/2010

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I agree! It seems every once in awhile I have to sit my husband down and talk to him! I would lvoe to drive in the car with no noise....being able to listen to the radio, and not hearing two kids screaming!!!! Even this would be special to me :)

Terri - posted on 02/02/2010

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Thanks everybody, Really nice not to be alone, although you think it quite frequently that you are and that really stinks, guess that is the work of the devil trying to make me feel so inferior of myself. Sometimes you just can't help the pity parties either. But ya'll are right I definately have to get out more.

Premilla - posted on 02/02/2010

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I am in the same situation. Thanx to all somethings to learn and put to use. God
will take of us MOTHERS

Rachel - posted on 02/01/2010

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definitly! Im sure we all have our moments! and sometimes it sucks to not feel appreciated...but were moms!! Thats part of the job description is to not be appreciated! Just go out back and count to ten here and their, and appreciate yourself! do something nice for yourself! you deserve it!

Jami - posted on 02/01/2010

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lol-I tell my husband every day that I QUIT and then they all go to bed I have some free time, not much... go to sleep wake up and start all over again. It's normal. Kids are slobs by nature and teaching them to tidy is quite painstaking, more so than doing it all, and they are lousy at it, but hubby insists they help and so they do... and I either have to live with their shortcomings on cleaning abilities or redo it myself... one day one day one day sighhhhhhhh

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I have felt that way a few times. But then I stop and try to figure out whatelse I'd wanna do and I come up with nothing. I guess it's what I was ment to do. My sister has been at this ALOT longer then me she has a teen and I always think of her since she homes school shuttles to sports and so on. I guess with a 2 and 10 month old I can't complain they just follow along. They aren't old enough to lead

Jade - posted on 02/01/2010

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I regularly feel like I want to quit, I'm a single mum to a 2 yo and a 10 month old and it feels like it never stops. I try to get out for a few hours every couple weeks, and I refuse to do housework (apart from hoover the living room) once the kids are in bed so I can relax in the evenings and have friends over. It's the only way not to go insane

Terri - posted on 02/01/2010

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Thanks Ariel and Ara that really helps to know that I am not alone. Especially since I have been doing this for 12 years without a break.

Ara - posted on 02/01/2010

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I feel the same way at times. It seems like no matter how hard you try to keep up and stay on top of things, they never end! It's hard, but you have to treat yourself to some "self " time once in awhile. I've found out that just a few hours here and there really make a diffence. I'll have my husband watch our daughter for a few hours, while I get out of the house and shop a little, or go to the local antique store, just to look around or grab some groceries quick. Little things like that make a huge difference. I've even started taking nap time off, once I have a load of laundry in. If it's 2 hours or 30 minutes, I make sure I take a relaxing shower and either watch a show I've dvr'd or read a chapter in a good book. You have to, or you'll go crazy and that's not good for anyone. :)
As far as fixing meals 24/7, I started asking my husband what he's hungry for, for breakfast and supper. At first he said whatever.... Then, he started getting creative and would even come home with groceries for the meals he was hungry for! I encourage grilling out. Men love that, and even if it's not wonderful, atleast I got a break! I try to cook easy meals too and make a bigger batch, that I can freeze and heat up another day too. Good Luck! :)

Ariel - posted on 02/01/2010

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Yes, I've been there! Our job is 24 hours, 7 days a week, unless we schedule time off. I discovered (and re-discovered) that if I don't take time out for myself, I'm not really such a good mama anymore. Make sure to schedule time that is just for you. Take a class that you've always wanted to take, or join a MOM's group that have activities scheduled for moms only. It's sooo important to take time to nurture yourself, because we all know we don't get a lot of opportunities to do that during our busy days. The best thing I ever did was to take a part-time job. I worked on the weekends, and sometimes filling in during the week, but it helped so much. During the weekends, my husband and I would trade off-- he'd stay home with our kids and I'd go to work. It really helped. At the end of the day, he'd have a new appreciation for all I did, and I had a new appreciation for having to go to work, even when sometimes I didn't want to leave. Anyway, that's my experience. Find a way to get some time to yourself. And ask your husband/partner/whoever is not appreciating you to watch the kids and take care of the house while you're enjoying yourself. You're worth it, you deserve it, and it will improve your job performance for sure! Be a good mother to yourself!

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