Ex trying to get sole custody after I found out he had sex in front of my son

Julianne - posted on 07/10/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My sons father is trying to take my son away from me, beaucse I took our son to a therapist. My ex told me he doesn't condone him getting help and if I attemp to seek help "he will get custody" The reason I took him to a therapist was becuase of his father and his girlfriend were having sex in front of him and he has some mild anger issues. My son had told me what he heard and seen his father doing, so I called CPS and they told me since he is not in any danger or being touched they can't do anything. His father refused to give him his own room for his own selfish reason beause he wanted "man room." My ex is saying I abuse my kids. which is far beyond true. I hate even putting them in time out, but kids need punishment. He is saying I have to get a job to support our son, but i'm a stay at home mother of three children ages 5, 1, and 4 months. Do you think the judge can court order me to get a job even though I feel it is important for me to raise my children, not a daycare. I would be working jut to put them in daycare. As of right now we both have legal and physical custody of our 5 year old, but court is in august. what are the chances of him getting full custody when all he is doing is lying. Also my son got bit by my exs girlfriends dog when they were in california. My ex kept telling me he fell down at the park. When I did my response to his petion he finally came clean after two years that he indeed got bit by a dog, but he didn't tell me directly he just said I had to pay half of the hospital bill. He never told me he took him to the hospital or got bit by a dog. He violated a court order by not informing he took him out of state during this dog bit incident. I've been really stressed out I don't want to lose my son over his lies. He is the one that should not have anything more than some visitation (maybe even supervised) PLease help any advice will help Thank you !

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Julianne - posted on 07/16/2012

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Thank you again :) My son has told his therapist about his father so she is going to write a letter for me about each of his sessions and what they talked about. My ex says I abuse my kids by hitting them with belt. I have never hit them and if i was such an abuser why in the hell am i taking him to talk to someone ALONE. I know I have noting to worry about things will work out in the end. I just ahte that my sons has to go through all this.

Carol - posted on 07/12/2012

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Screwing around in front of your kids is just sick. Ugh! How could the thing he's fooling around with be okay with it even if he is? Blech!
Don't take any chances with court things. Get all witnesses to put it in writing (find out if the court needs it notarized) or show up to say whatever they heard or saw. Too bad we all have perfect hindsight but are blind beforehand - I got married at 20.
On the bright side, after my divorce I met and and married a perfect man and we had 13 perfect years and 2 kids together - keep your chin up.

Julianne - posted on 07/11/2012

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Carol, Thank you for your advice. My ex had him sleeping in the same room while having sex, this happened all the time in front of him becuase he refused to give him his own room becuase my ex wanted a man room for his studio. I can care less about child support money I just want to be able to stay home with my children, so I can work with them one on one with school and activites. I also can't afford daycare for 3 children all my money would go to someone else watching them. It would be a lose lose for my kids and I. I have tons of witnesses on his lies and I have been documenting everything for the past year. I think I havea good chance. Thank you again

Carol - posted on 07/11/2012

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The most important thing is for you not to feed into any fighting and remain calm. That's especially true while you're in front of any court officials! Take the high road and document absolutely everything. If he is lying, document any proof that you have. If you have no proof, just document your side of it. Given enough time he'll hopefully get tangled up in all the lies and the judge will see through it. If you seem hysterical or vindictive you will lose all credibility even if you have every right to feel that way. If your son accidentally walked in on your ex fooling around then let it go. I think many couples get interrupted at some point. If your ex intended to expose your 5 year old to it, that's different but what little bit you described doesn't sound like abuse, just bad timing. Therapy for the kid is a great idea. It sounds like the custody battle is pretty nasty and he could use it. (I'm not placing blame at all.) As for you getting a job, I don't know that the judge would have to factor in daycare for the other 2 if your ex isn't the father of them. It wouldn't be fair of the judge to make him pay any extra because you had 2 more kids just like it wouldn't be fair if you got less if he decided to get 2 other girls pregnant. The one kid that you had together doesn't need any more or less money. Good luck.

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