Exhausted and sleep deprived !!!!

Reshma - posted on 02/01/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hi, I am a mother of 2 , had my first one within the first year of my marriage and second one by the time my son was 2 yrs. I had a tough time with my son especially with his sleep. i was a working mom back then. Now with my 11 month old daughter , i am a stay at home mom. (she had severe separation anxiety when i started work, quit the job because i cudnt bear her cries after a point). Now being a stay at home and constantly being called upon by both my kids i am constantly tired, sleep deprived and generally not in a great mood. Little d is a huge crier , she screams right into my ear and i feel like i'll lose my mind just hearing her cries. Any small thing , like me disappearing from her sight for just a second will set her off. I am always a bunch of nerves. I rarely get a break. I don't sleep for more than 1.5 hours at a stretch during the night and i have stopped dreaming about daytime naps. My mother is a great help but even she gets frustrated with my velcro babies. I am exhausted and most of the times i find myself resenting being a mother. I was never prepared for such hardships but is anyone really prepared for this? How do go about being the fun filled woman i was once , how to get back MY life ? These days its only about the house and kids , i feel lost and utterly helpless ....

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Tina - posted on 02/02/2013

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Wow. GF, you sound just like I was after my daughter was born 19 years ago. She would not let me even go to the bathroom without my putting her carrier in the bathroom with me. One thing that helped, even though it sounds like butt-backwards advicee, is to get a snugli, strap it on, place your ittle one in the carrier facing you and go about you business you might even find her pleasantly asleep after you carrying her for a bit of time. Is your husband supportive of your needs and this situation? If not, then he needs to take over for 4 hours, (yes, I said four hours). This way he will get a feel for what you go through day in and day out. This will also give YOU a chance to get some badly needed rest. Of course you're not in a good mood. Nobody can be when they are as sleep-deprived as you are. Pardon me for getting a bit personal, but are you breast-feeding your daughter? If so, it does NOT hurt for her to have a bottle once in a while so that you can get some rest. Being a Mom should not be a hardship, and if it is, then we need to take a look at why. We addressed closeness with the Snugli, we discussed giveing her a bottle once in a while if you are breast feeding. I was so sleep deprived that I couldn't stand it- I went off the deep end a bit. I never changed out of my nightgown, I kept the blinds drawn, I wasn't eating well, and quite frankly, at that point I HATED being a mother. I DEEPLY resented everything that had to be done as part of being a Mom. Luckily, my Pastor was a female, and around my age as well. She would show up at random times with subs from subway and would open up the blinds, straighten up my living room- even vaccuuming sometimes. My daughter LOVED her! Pastor Rochelle even watched the baby so I could take a shower and dress in clothes for a change. I would go downstairs to find the baby freshly changed, and fast asleep from having had a nice warm bottle. It was then that my Pastor cared for ME. She would wash my feet like Jesus did with His disciples, dry them, and then massage them with lotion. My daughter would sleep right through all of this, so when I closed my eyes from the massage and fell asleep, Pastor would slip out quietly and peace reigned in my house once again. I would wake up about an hour and a half later to find my baby looking at me, playing with her feet, trying to put one whole foot in her mouth and giggling when she saw me smiling at her antics. You are a wonderful mother, and the perfect mother for this child. God, in His infinite wisdom made this choice for your children. So relax, you are doing a great job- if you are breast-feeding, take a break once in a while and let someone else care for your little darlings if you have someone that you can trust to do that. After dinner, it should become "Daddy Time" and your husband can watch the kids for four hours. That is terribly light duty since YOU do it all day. I am so proud of you- God has placed that on my heart. Your daughter and son are thriving, happy children. Now it is time for Mommy to be happy and WELL-RESTED as well. Good luck to you, and may God bless you and your family and be with you in a very special way.... AMEN.

Mary - posted on 02/05/2013

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No problem! Women are powerful all by themselves... add many and; WOWZA!
Keep focused on what you can do for yourself while helping your kids be the best they can be! It can occur! I have some great tips and ideas that I've learned over the years that have helped me to enhance my energy and balance my stress and am open to sharing them. Feel free to reply to me directly.

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Reshma - posted on 02/02/2013

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@Tina, @Alina , @ Mary : I cant thank u guys enough for the wonderful comments ... It actually made my day :) .. Regarding my husband , he takes care of the kids whenever he's at home , in fact he's the only one who can play with them( i absolutely dont have the patience to do play time with them) , the only problem being , during the weekdays he has a 9 to 9 work hours , so he's mostly available for the kids during weekends.
You guys are right, i feel blessed whenever i look at them during their calm phases. I'll ride this out and very soon am sure i'll let u guys know that am doing pretty good ... Thanks a lot for your support, would have joined sooner if i knew comforting words is a such a wonderful balm ...

Mary - posted on 02/02/2013

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Another connection for you is MOPS. It's a group of moms that network, support and encourage eachother to be the best mom they can be. I loved being a part of it, 20 years ago and still have the moms as friends today! Make sure YOU keep healthy, active and creative. If you have a significant other, pls. have date nights, movie nights etc. It's so importnat to stay connected during these yrs. You can always go the the FREE programs, like at the library etc. They always have great ideas, groups activities for moms and kids! You'll meet other stay at home moms too! :)

Alina - posted on 02/02/2013

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Hey there. First I want to say Tina's post is truly on point to me. You don't mention if the kids' father is around to help you. Put some of the care of the kids on him. If he's not around, try to find qualified child care a couple of times a week even if you just go into another room to sleep. It is not cruel or harmful for a child to learn that they will survive if Mommy is away from them a few hours. You need to at least be able to put them to sleep in their own room so you can get rest in your room. When your children see that you may leave for a little bit, but you do come back, they will adapt. Have you tried just letting them cry sometime? I know you hate their cries - you're a good mom. But you won't be any good to them or for them if you don't start taking much better care of yourself! Strap the kids in their swing, car seat, bouncy seat, or even their stroller, set them in a room with a cartoon or some music on, and take your shower! Put them in the bathroom with you if you can, or the hallway so they can hear your voice from the shower. That's what I did. My son would holler at first, but he eventually got used to it. My sis-in-law would come over just to hold my son and she would tell me to take a nap and don't get out the bed for a couple of hours! Those small things made such a huge difference for me. It will get easier, but right now it looks dark and bleak because you are currently going through it. Please don't feel alone in this! Most, if not all, moms, have hated being a mom at some point. And that feeling is usually present when you're tired, sleep-deprived, frustrated, malnutritioned, overwhelmed, etc. Try thanking God that even with all that going on, you are a good mom, He gave you two beautiful gifts, and He will give you the strength and wisdom you need to raise your babies. You may feel like you've lost your mind sometimes, but you haven't! I'm cheering for you, Reshma! You were meant to be your kids' mom, and you will get to the other side of motherhood where the joy is.

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