Feeling a little down.

Amy - posted on 03/31/2011 ( 28 moms have responded )

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I have a 15 month old son. I havent worked in a couple years now and my husband is self employed and is remodeling a house for his mother. I am the primary care taker of our son so it does get a little stressful at times. I go to mommy meetups and setup play dates with other moms and children so i do have outside interaction. Anyways, there are times I feel very down. I sleep in the nursery (my son doesnt sleep well at night sometimes and is up for 1 to 3hrs), my husband and I still get our time together but its hard not having that closeness anymore. I even feel like I am a single mom at times since my husband is working all day. I take care of our son all on my own day and night. He does help at bath and bed time but he just informed me today he wants to start working 'til the sun goes down which of course is past bed and bath time. What am I suppose to do? Do I tell him no you cant work late because I need that break at night, or do I just deal with it for a couple of months 'til the house is done. And if I mention to him that I had a rough day, then he starts in with, well im building a house to make you happy. Its a difficult situation because the sooner the house is done the sooner my mother in law can move out of the house we're living in and in to her new home. Are stay at home moms not allowed to have bad days or to want a break for at least an hour a night? Does anyone else ever feel like you're all alone in parenting your children? Please Help. Sorry to ramble on.

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Sheri - posted on 04/04/2011

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i understand you.i am young stay at mom too, a almost four years old daughter and a 1 years old son, i have aleast one bad moment a day.. my husband is always busy busy, barely home or comes home late



well, i think you can find a time and have deep heart to heart conversation to let him know how you feel and let youself know how he feel.. my husbands and i try to have a 15 min conversation every night(as often as we can) after both kids are asleep , we both shared our bad and good moments of the day..



well, u should try that, it wll let have the closeness feeling with your husband again

Danielle - posted on 04/04/2011

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Awww. Honey. Hang in there. You need to set some FIRM boundaries. If hes not going to come home until late, then ask him to watch the baby for a few hours on his day off and get out of the house! Even if its going grocery shopping, you need time to yourself too! I had to live with my MIL too, for a year and a half. I had both of my kids while I was living there, and it was HARD. Is your MIL willing to watch your son for a couple of hours here and there so you can catch a break? We may not get along with our MIL's like our own mothers, but they should still understand what your going through. I think that you also need to sit down and talk to your hubby about how your feeling so it doesnt lead to resentment. Lets face it, Men arnt the best at picking up emoitions so if we're not wearing a sign that says "Im unhappy", or "I need a break" they play it off as something else. So PLEASE, sit down and have a talk. See if there is a way he can come home atleast 2 days a week to do bath and bedtime so you can have a little break. And it is totally NORMAL to want to take a break. I have two, 1 and 2. When my husband gets home from work the kids are ALL his. It gives me a chance to clean up a little, take a shower, or even better a NAP! :) I hope you know that you are appreciated, and I hope you never feel like your going it alone. Being a SAHM is HARD and and underappreciated. Just remember that your entitiled to a break now and then!

Jennifer - posted on 04/02/2011

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Hey it could be worse the hubby could be there and never leave like mine.

OMG! So living it! I used to run two companies and now i'm a "SCRUBBER WOMAN" - said with Irish accent. I still work part-time from home, bringing in most of the income. My hubby is starting up a new co and while i know that i need to be helpful and patient, i'm panicking. If i'm not feeling guilty for not being a better mother, or better employee, i'm cleaning something or calculating our demise...

I usually handle depression with a hobbie, but even if i get a couple of minutes i know that they will end. There is no point in getting into any project, because my concentration will be torn away...it is a new way of thinking/ of being. I've learned a lot of patience on one hand, on the other it can be really depressing.

I've even tried finding some temp jobs just to get out of the house, but nothing has come through...since the hubby is at home.
Sometimes i can find a new "mind set," and feel real in control of a clean house. Wew Hew. I've already gutted all the closets and Feng Shui'd the place...heheheh

If we had a nursery I'd so be there! hahahah... My husband wakes me up saying he has no space in the bed because of the kid, but if i move the kid, then i will have to get up in the middle of the night anyway. Then the husband can't sleep because he's too excited mumbling about how great the future is, while i'm thinking he's an ass, followed by tapping on the bed-frame the "Ode to Himself."

Thanks for the post, you're not alone...

[deleted account]

My husband runs a construction company, and from May to Oct, he works sun up to sun down. It was difficult at first. There are many times that he will work 2 or 3 weeks with out taking a day off at all. Now, that the kids are older, he has to take a day off, every week. (we have 6) Plus we have a farm, so it is harder for him to work such long hours. I have read through the first page, and you definitely aren't alone. He has been home more here lately, and is happy with all I do get done (which is little) because he has finally seen first hand how much I have on my plate. Men who are work oriented to make sure they get bills paid are well worth it! Our relationship has its slow points, and my "me time" is getting my hair done every couple of months! It stinks, but, as a mother - with a man who works so hard, and six kids, it is worth it! Good luck!

Toni - posted on 04/04/2011

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I wish I had seen your post earlier. I feel the same way, hubby works and I do the rest. I don't live with any inlaws but I can imagine the added stress that would bring. I don't drive so I don't leave all day other than the walks to the parks on a nice day. Its raining today so its harder, I'm just glad the see that I not alone and that its okay to feel over whelmed. Thank you for your post.

28 Comments

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Amy - posted on 04/04/2011

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@ Danielle my husband is actually working across the street on his mothers house she bought it a few years ago and now he is remodeling it and making it livable she is letting us live in the house were in now with her but after she moves across the street it will be our house. so hes not working far away just a few feet unfortuantly hes not getting paid technically since we do get a house out of it. and as for my MIL watching my son no way. she is borderline disabled and the few times i have let her watch him for 20mins she lets him sit in a dirty diaper its almost as if she cant smell the dirtyness so im not to comfortable with her alone with him. when my husband and i talk about him working so much he tries to get me to see the more he works the faster shes in her new home. im trying to stay focused on the light at the end of the tunnel. i try to get out as much as possible i belong to a mommy group and i also started a moms walking group at the park so that helps get me out side with other moms and that really helps me clear my head. thank you for the support.

Marsha - posted on 04/04/2011

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We all get those feelings girl. My kids are older now so I'm in a bit of a different "place," but I remember those days very well. As others have already stated so well, just remember that you are not alone. Reflect, have faith and try to stay strong. You will make it girl, no doubt...and the feelings you have along the way are natural, normal and a-ok. =)

Katie - posted on 04/04/2011

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Every mum needs a break. My husband goes to work in the morning and comes home normally right as the kids are going to bed or after. I do it all. morning afternoon adn night. If i say ive had a rough day i get the usual responce of " me too". I try and just go into every day with a new happy attitude and try and enjoy my kids. I havent worked for 6 years now and by the time i go back to work my qualifications will pretty much mean nothing and i want to have a job where i can drop off and collect from school. Hopefully when the time comes something will come up! Good luck and chin up!

Sandra - posted on 04/02/2011

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I looking to work part-time next year and I am nervous about it. My youngest will be going to school all day next year and it is time to start a new chapter in my life. I feel nervous and excited at the same time.

Amy - posted on 04/02/2011

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Thank you everyone for your support. unfortunitly its not that easy to just get a break we dont have reliable people that can take care of a toddle my sister who is 34 doesnt pay enough attention to what my son is doing she gets to focused on other things. my mother has back problems and isnt suppose to even pick him up and as for the mother in law theres no way i will allow that she has a hard time walking by herself getting around the house she physically can not take care of a toddler she is borderline handicap. we live in a small town and i dont knw many people. and as for me sleeping in the nursery its my fault because i get so desperate for sleep at times and even if i start out in my bed i end up in the nursery if hes having a bad night i usually fall asleep while trying to get him back to sleep. but today is a new day and im going to try to ake the best of it. i wish the little guy was feeling better so we could go to the park but i dont think its a good idea since he has an ear infection and a low grade fever.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/02/2011

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My son's 24 almost 25 now. I remember those days! Don't apologize...we've all been there...first, you gotta let that baby sleep alone...you and your husband need that bonding time. Just remember, if you chose to be a stay at home mom, It's your job now...leave work at work...meaning, during the day stuff, unless it's good stuff you can't wait to share, leave it in your day...don't bogg down the man building your life together with bad stuff...what good comes from it. take a day just for your self a week...let granny babysit for a couple of hrs and do something for yourself...it will help and your spirits will be lifted! Praying for you!

Sandra - posted on 04/01/2011

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I like hearing posts like these because then I don't feel like I am the only one feeling this way. It is a very hard job to be a stay-at-home mom and it is thankless. Nobody commends you for your work. I have three boys and have been a stay-at-home mom for ten years. For the most part, I really love what I do, but I have days when I wonder why I am doing this and why I am not out there with working mothers. Do you have friends or family that can watch your son once in awhile? Maybe you can work something out with your husband where he can watch the baby once a week for a couple of hours. Definitly communicate to your husband what your needs are though.

Shannintipton - posted on 04/01/2011

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Hi Amy,
Well thank God for small miracles! Is everything else ok?
shannin

Amy - posted on 04/01/2011

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@ shannin yes she can take care of herself for the most part. shes not the cleanest person everytime she cooks the kitchen will stay a mess til i clean it.

[deleted account]

my husband and i have a day each weeks where i get a break, which is usually saturday, and he has sunday off. on our day off we get to sleep in, and i don't have to cook, or get my son to eat, or bath or anything. it was something that i really needed, other wise i'd just burn out. there are exceptions ofcourse, like when my husband was working on the weekend, or like today when my husband and son are sick, but mostly i have a break, and if i ahve a bad day i call him and he makes sure that he is home on time or a little early to help me (esp atm i'm 34weeks pregnant). also while your husband is working later on you MIL house why can't she help you out a bit. even if it's that she cooks while you do bath and bed time or something, givning you a little help while your husband is helping her.

Shannintipton - posted on 04/01/2011

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Hi Amy,
By-all-means, find someone to watch your child and go help him finish that house. Ha ha. You need to get her out of there and NOW. I think thats a great idea regarding him working late but not all the time. Can your MIL take care of herself or do you have to change her diaper too. i sorry that was really mean. But seriously, do you have to help her out too or can she take care of herself? {:+)
shannin tipton

Amy - posted on 04/01/2011

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@ Shannin thank you for your concern i was having a good day took my son to the dr to get meds for his ear infection got to spend time with my sister. ut of course as soon as i get home my mother in law gets upset and started crying because i asked her not to bring out a to for him because i was getting his dinner ready, i just dont know how much more i can put up with when it comes to her. @ Kristina I like your ideas but having my mother in law watch him is out of the question she is not physically able to care for him longer then 20mins. she cant walk well due to her weight and she tends to not ever notice if he has a dirty diaper. but i think i will tell my husband if he wwants to work late thats fine but on certain nights i would like his help.

User - posted on 04/01/2011

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Yes. My husband travels ALL THE TIME. I always feel like I'm raising her on my own. I hardly ever get a break. I asked him to let me put in her a daycare for about 3-4 hrs one day a week; just so I can rest. But we are kind of money-tight, so we'll see. He's always gone two-three weeks at a time. I see him once a week, sometimes. I've learned to be alone, and have actually enjoyed it. Of course, I'd love to have him here, but I know he works hard so we can stay at home and have a good life. But yes, I know, exactly how you feel.

Kristina - posted on 04/01/2011

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Girl I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend (husband now) would work all the time and I was with my son 24/7 and I was BF so even feedings were on me. My husband wouldnt come home till 11 at night and by then my son was in bed already. I know its hard and you just want to scream sometimes. And you cant keep sleeping in the nursery if you want to be closer with your hubby. Sometimes the baby just needs to cry ya know? You know he is safe, fed, changed and in a good place. He just wants you there because it a habit now. Im learning this now with my son because I would lay with him till he fell asleep and now I seriously regret it. Tell your husband to go ahead and work till the sun goes down but lay down some rules. Like for instance on Tuesdays he has to be home early so he can help with dinner and bath and bed. That gives you a good 2 hours for your time. When my husband puts my son to bed he usually crys for awhile but then he goes to sleep because he knows Dad isnt going to give in as easy as mommy does. And since your mother in law is living with you then have her watch him on Friday nights so you and your husband can go out. My husband and I used to do this and it made the world of difference in our relationship. We were on edge a lot but when we started going out and talking over dinner things got better. I hope some of this helps. I had to learn with my son he is 2 now.

Shannintipton - posted on 04/01/2011

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Hi Amy,
How are you doing today? Did you get any sleep? I hope everything will be better today. Dont worry Im not going to stalk you or anything. Your post made me a little sad and I know what is like to be very unhappy. Well good luck to you{:+)
shannin tipton

Ashleigh Jade - posted on 04/01/2011

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I totally understand. Im a sahm of 3 under 5 and somedays i just need a break. You are entilted to "me time" it makes us better mums.
My partner has odd hours and when he is home hes not much help (he does try but he usually makes things worse lol).

Amy - posted on 03/31/2011

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yes im ok it was just one of those days where nothing went wrong but nothing went right. hopefully tomorrow will be a beautiful day out again so we can be at the park and not cooped up all day.

Shannintipton - posted on 03/31/2011

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Hi Amy,
So you are ok then? Because if your not just let me know.{:+)
shannin tipton

Amy - posted on 03/31/2011

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Yes we live with my mother in law for now that is very difficult on most days. And no she doesnt help at all she is very over weight so its not very safe for her to pick up a 24lb child to change a diaper or anything. she doesnt even clean the kitchen when she cooks and she has a PILE of junk on the other side of the baby gate (thank god for baby gates). Oh and she is sort of a horder so that makes it hard when im borderline ocd meaning i like the house organized and clean but not over obsessive. thank you Just hearing some encouraging words helps.

Alma - posted on 03/31/2011

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i feel the same way and i think you should tell him not to work all those hours because my bf works night shift and sleeps during the day and he hardly helps with anything i have two daughters 19 mnth old and a 9 month old and i do it all by myself...I live with my mother in law shes nice and everything its just shes always all up in ma buisness always comin into ma room trying to clean but anyways i would love to spend more time with my baby daddy but i dont have a choice and im also a stay at home mom...

Shannintipton - posted on 03/31/2011

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Hi Amy,
It sounds like you have a lot going on. It sounds like your mother-in-law is living with you....? Is she any help at all? Stay at home moms ARE allowed to have bad days and breaks are mandatory. By the way. . you are not rambling. I wish I knew what to do or say to help you. Being a new mom is ROUGH. Believe it or not it does get better. Not right away but it will. If you want to talk please let me know. {:+)
shannin tipton

Shannintipton - posted on 03/31/2011

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Hi Amy,
It sounds like you have a lot going on. It sounds like your mother-in-law is living with you....? Is she any help at all? Stay at home moms ARE allowed to have bad days and breaks are mandatory. By the way. . you are not rambling. I wish I knew what to do or say to help you. Being a new mom is ROUGH. Believe it or not it does get better. Not right away but it will. If you want to talk please let me know. {:+)
shannin tipton

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