Feeling Confused and Scared About a Boy

Melissa - posted on 06/04/2016 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hello,
This entire pregnancy has been a mess. To begin with, I had just suffered a hard year of pregnancy loss and my body not recovering well. First, I went in due to problematic symptoms and I was told I could not have more kids because I had PCOS- then ONE WEEK LATER I got a positive test. Then I was told by my OB doing a scan at 16 weeks that this is clearly a GIRL with the "hamburger sign," pointing out labia, etc., and then a tech at 21 weeks told me no, this is a BOY. (I also failed the diabetes test, then passed and was told I would deliver at one hospital, then told no I can only deliver at this other one.) So... this whole thing has been a mess and a lot to process. Here is where I am now:

I am sad. I am disappointed that I am having a boy, after thinking for 5 weeks it was a girl. My girls are sad and cried. My poor, poor terminally ill mother cried and was disappointed, as was my 92-year-old grandmother, and others in the family. (Plus, the ultrasound tech was a real piece of work who said she would "make it her mission" to prove my doctor wrong about the sex, and LAUGHED when she announced "boy" and my daughters cried). So not only am I really grieving the loss of what I thought I was getting, but I am now TERRIFIED of having a boy. Terrified. I have not had good experiences with boys. I had boys in school who picked on me relentlessly, I've been in relationships with angry and aggressive men, I have male family members who have terrorized my grandparents and gotten into drugs and violence- I am afraid. I am very afraid to have a boy.

Do you have any advice? Any reassurance? I feel like I have been jerked around so much, and now hearing "boy," I am so down. Thank you.

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Therese - posted on 06/07/2016

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You're most welcome Melissa! You've mentioned a wonderful word "hopeful"-that is the best place to be.
I find this simple verse encourages me to remain hopeful:- Rejoice in our confident hope, Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying! Romans 12:12
Have a great day.

Therese - posted on 06/07/2016

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You're most welcome Melissa! You've mentioned a wonderful word "hopeful"-that is the best place to be.
I find this simple verse encourages me to remain hopeful:- Rejoice in our confident hope, Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying! Romans 12:12
Have a great day.

Therese - posted on 06/06/2016

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You're feeling a bit overwhelmed right now and that's understandable. Pregnancy is both physical and emotional. Your focus should be having a healthy baby.

Your story is the opposite to mine. I was told a boy and then long after, I was then told a girl. Having 3 boys, I thought another boy would have been easier. I'm so very glad that I had a girl- she's a blessing in a very different way.

The tears from your mother may have been that she thinks her sickness may not allow her to witness your son's birth-you never know. Focus on the love, teaching and nourishing you can pour in to your son's life. Have a little chat with your girls too-they take their "energy" and attitude from you.

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Melissa - posted on 06/06/2016

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Thank you, Evelyn. I am a very "soft" mother- super affectionate and love-obsessed with my two, and I know that will also be true for this baby. I think I am just really scared. This is the first boy not only for me, but the first boy on either side! There are currently 6 grand daughters on my side, 4 on my husband's side- zero boys. It's so uncharted and I don't have any experience, so my brain is filling it all in with fear. I will try to actively stop and change that. My husband is extremely laid-back, calm, stable, and responsive to all my crying or needs (that's why I gravitated toward him! Very kind), so I am trying to tell myself that this boy could be just like him- helpful and thoughtful, not destined to be like the others I know. I think I will lean on my husband a lot to help mould this baby and hopefully it will turn out like him.

Melissa - posted on 06/06/2016

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I think you are exactly right about all of it, Therese. Thank you. Your response made me feel hopeful, and smile. I will choose to try to focus on this as a good thing, and not something to fear.

Melissa - posted on 06/06/2016

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Thank you so much, Michelle. I think I am just feeling so overwhelmed by the entire thing, and seeing others around me act so sad about it makes me fearful, as I have no experience with boys. I am too passive, but if someone had told me how it's great news and seemed happy, I know I would have absorbed that instead. I feel like I let people down, but of course I have no control over this!! I need to try to set the idea that this is HAPPY, and then my girls, at least, will follow I'm sure.

Michelle - posted on 06/04/2016

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All I will say is hope and be thankful that your baby is healthy.
You will be raising this child so it's YOUR job to be a good role model and teach him how to treat women.
You also need to stop being upset over it being a boy, your Mother and Grandmother should know better as well.
In this instance, it's not the right thing to find out what you are having. This is why a lot of techs or doctors won't say what the sex is.

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