feeling depressed, resentful towards myself, alone....

Jessica - posted on 10/02/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have a four year old, a three year old, and my boyfriends 9 year old stay with us every weekend. I am a stay at home mom and i'm getting depressed about it. I feel shut off from the outside world, I feel trapped in my home. I feel like a bad person because having so many kids and not talking to adults makes me annoyed and overwhelmed. I have a boyfriend who is only home for about an hour and a half a day due to weird work schedule and feel completely alone with the kids like i live in a different world from every one else. If i mention anything like this to my boyfriend about it, he looks down on me as a woman, like i'm lacking in motherly traits. He feels like women are meant to stay at home and it should come naturally to them. i feel inferior because i am having a hard time with it. Does anyone else feel like this? please help!

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Queen Of My - posted on 10/03/2013

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I feel like that some times but what helps me ( just like the other girls mentioned) is getting out of the house as much as possible and being very goal orientated. I am a list mom (I always laugh at that walmart commercial because it is me to a t) so I have a list of all the chores to do each day, week and month. Check each one off makes me feel accomplished (even though it's just laundry or dishes I did it, it's a job well done and now I am on to the next). I enjoy doing the monthly or seasonal goals because it shakes things up a bit. I get out with the kids as much as possible and out with an adult at least 2 a month - once with my husband and once with a gf or girls night. All that said I have ups and downs and sometimes feel overwhelmed or miss adult interaction or miss my old job. I think it's normal. Also, it's your life and you have to do what makes you happy - not what makes your bf happy. Don't stay home if you don't want to. It's not for everyone. Your kids will be better off if you can give them your full self in the evenings an weekends than a distracted, overwhelmed, depressed, emotionally detached self all the time. Don't beat yourself up! Everyone is different and every sahm has different hardships to overcome.

[deleted account]

Being a stay at home mom does not mean you actually have to stay home all the time. In fact it is better for both mom and the children to get out of the house at least once a day most days. The children get social interaction, etiquette skills, and mental awareness that helps them adjust more easily not just to different environments, but different situations, cultures, and routines. Mom gets social interaction on an adult level that alleviates a lot of the isolation sahm's often struggle with. Also, if you are volunteering or otherwise contributing to your community, you can find some of the self worth and confidence that many women get from their careers.

You have to turn being a stay at home mom into your career, and treat it with the importance, discipline, pride, and determination you treat your career with.
Create a set of goals and action plans for achieving them, then put those plans into action--just like you did for your professional goals when you were just starting out.
Build an agenda for the week. It doesn't have to be strict, but make a list of all the things you want time for, like park, coffee, shopping, cooking, cleaning, educational time, free play, etc. then puzzle them into your days.

Being a sahm doesn't come easily to every woman, and just because it doesn't, doesn't mean that you are any less of a woman. It was a VERY tough transition for me, but once I learned to treat it the way I treated my career, it got easier and I was more fulfilled.

Sarah - posted on 10/03/2013

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I do feel that way sometimes. What you need is to get out of the house even if it's just a walk down the street with your kids. Or, sitting outside alone for 5 mintues. Being a stay at home Mom is not an easy job. You feel like you have given up your life and you do nothing for yourself. Maybe you could find a babysitter for one day a week and use that day for yourself, even if it's just staying home and watching adult TV and not Nick or Disney. Go window shopping, or just for a drive or a long walk. Try finding groups during the day for the kids where other parents are. In my town we have a recreation center that has many different activities for children who don't attend school yet, and the parents are there as well, that is a good way to get out, the kids have fun and you get to interact with adults.

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