Feeling lost

Hannah - posted on 07/06/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I'm feeling so lost at the moment, I have on going issues with my parents. If it's not my mother it's my father. I have been married 4 years. After we got married, we had been living with my parents due to a long standing problem. Yes I admit they supported us but does that really mean that they have the right to interfere in our lives? We moved abroad for 2 years and now we are back and we have told them that we do not want to burden them and we are looking for a place of our own. However for some reason they don't want us to move out (the main reason I know is that my father claims benefit and he knows that once I move he will lose out on the benefit he claims for me). I do not nor have I ever claimed any kind of benefit, I was working and after marriage I was able to stop working as my husband earned enough. Now my father is not only pressuring me to live with them he is also forcing me to work so that I can use my earnings to pay him a monthly amount. I'm quite happy not working and I want to actually further my studies and eventually work from home. But both my mother and father put me down and tell me that I'm pretty much useless and will never be able to make an entrepreneur of myself. Furthermore my father is making me feel guilty by saying that if we move they will lose all their benefits and they have to live in a small house blah blah.

I mean what about my life and my husbands life? In another 8 months I will bring a baby into this world - I want us to live independently but my parents are so selfish. On top of this I really feel that my mother hates me and to an extent she is jealous of me. If I cook something and I get compliments for it she says "I can cook that much better" If somebody compliments me on my looks or my nature she will poke her nose right in and say "its because shes my daughter, she gets it from me only". This morning I told her that I want to start a business and she told me that I wont be able to do it. Whatever I say or do she always has a negative response. I'm so sick of it all. I feel they are ruining my marriage. I just want to get out of here as soon as possible but even that seems to be a nightmare. It seems they just want to control my life forever.
Please can someone tell me what should I do? Am I really being unreasonable and selfish? Or is it my right to want to live my own life?

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Leah - posted on 07/06/2013

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I have similar problems with my parents trying to control my life. I have been married three years and have a 9 mth old baby girl. My advice to u would be for u and your husband to move out of their house as soon as possible. When you were a girl your top priority was to please your parents. Now your top priority is your husband and your baby. Your parents arent always going to like the decisions you make, but if they care for u they need to respect you as an adult. Especially if they want to have a relationship with theur granchild. Hope this helps.

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