Feeling worthless

Melissa - posted on 10/03/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am a stay at home mom with a 5 year old boy, a 2 year old girl and I just found out I'm 10 weeks pregnant. I got my first job when I was 15 and continued to work until the day before I birthed my son. My husband and I decided I should stay home with our son and would homeschool him when he was old enough. A few months before I delivered, he was fired from his job (avoidable if he had been doing his job). I supported us and his 2 children from a previous marriage. He got another job, I quit mine. Then he quit his and we moved in with his parents. For 2 years he collected unemployment and foodstamps without trying to find a job. Finally, he got a job at the company he still works for and things seemed fine. In the last few years I have been told that I'm not "living up to par" because forgot to put his clothes in the dryer, that my opinion doesn't matter because I don't work and that I don't have anything to offer this family. Did I mention I'm the only one who cooks and cleans? I tried to give the kids 1 chore a day, but was told that I'm a bitch and that I shouldn't make the kids do my job. The chore I tried to give them was cleaning up their toys. Most of the mess comes from the toys since I like things to be clean. I like to keep the dishes and laundry clean because I get stressed when they aren't. Currently I'm in my first trimester of pregnancy and have been pretty sick. Some days movement makes me vomit and this past weekend was really bad. He had the weekend off so he willingly stepped up and did the cooking and playing. He seemed happy about it. Needless to say, he and the kids all but destroyed the kitchen during this time. No cleaning was done. Today I feel pretty good so I cleaned the kitchen. When I was done I sat down to watch a show. He proceeded to tell me that all I do is sit around and watch tv, that he's tired of me not contributing and for the first time ever actually called me worthless. I'm hurt and confused. I usually do all the household chores and raise the kids. The saddest part to me is that yesterday I had a breakdown and told him my morning sickness is making me feel worthless. He told me I was the glue that holds the family together. That was yesterday. Today he called me worthless. He makes me feel like I'm no his partner because I don't make money. Thank you all for letting me vent. He is the only person I have to talk to.

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April - posted on 10/11/2016

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Oh Sweet Lady, let me assure you that you are not worthless. Being a mom and wife is hard work and not for the faint of heart. It sounds like you have been working hard from the beginning too. I want to encourage you (and your husband if he will go) to seek counseling. A counselor can help you and your family work through these thoughts and negative dialog. Communication is so very important in marriage for a marriage to survive. A counselor can provide that neutral ground, so that couples can talk through things in a healthy way. Praying for you!

Michelle - posted on 10/03/2016

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I suggest that you sit down with him and have a good talk about everything.
He needs to stop putting you down, that is verbal abuse. I was subjected to it for the 7 years of my first marriage and it really gets to you. You don't have to put up with it but he needs to realize what he is doing as well.

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