Feeling Worthless..Need some advice!

Shea - posted on 07/10/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Okay, so this is my first post and I'm just going to lay it all out there. I'm 22 years old, I've been with my fiance for 4 years and we have a 2 year old daughter together. He has a great job and can support all of us. I've been a stay at home more for the past two years and sometimes i feel worthless, anger, and depressed. I dont have a college degree and i havent worked for a long time. I wanted my daughter to look up to me, but i feel as if i dont have a career she wont. I want to become a Dental Assistant but I cant do that online, I dont have $3000 dollars to give up front for a Dental Academy. Also we only have one car, so im locked in my apartment all day long and when my fiance gets home from work around 4 or 5 he just wants to relax. I feel like im going crazy. So with one car, i cant really have a job unless its nights and my fiance is 100% against our daughter going to a daycare. I have no friends and my family lives hours away. Please help. I seriously have no idea what to do and its starting to affect my relationship with my fiance.

Thanks everyone.

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User - posted on 07/11/2013

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I am a stay at home mom who, at times, feels the same way as you do. I feel worthless too, although I have a degree, and a car.

Well, I think the worthless part is all about how we manage the life that we are living at the moment. I always remind myself to take it as a challenge and find ways to be happy and feel worthy with all the limitations I have around me.

I am taking care of a three year old son and am currently 5 months pregnant with the second one. Before I got pregnant, I had lots of energy to do a lot more.

There was a time when I felt really depressed and down. Although I have a car and can move around anytime I like, but I have no where to go. I used to take my son to the malls to get our groceries and I let him play at the playground for a while. That takes up the entire morning. Sounds like we are having fun? Actually, after a while, I got bored with the routine.

I have very few friends who do not work and they too, did not have much time for me. I felt like a beggar, begging them to find time for me just because I was lonely. In the end, I gave up.

Well, my turning point was when I decided to come up with a lesson plan for my son. I started spending lots of time doing research online on things to teach a 2 year old (he was 2 year old then). Then I started spending time on planning a schedule, getting all the materials needed and preparing the materials for his lessons. It takes up a lot of your time, really. Then you get to spend quality time with your child, teaching her and watching her progress. Then you will become someone your daughter looks up too, because you are not only her mother, you are also her teacher.

Furthermore, preparing simple teaching materials at home is so much cheaper than sending your child to a childcare.

I am sure this will give you lots of satisfaction and you will feel WORTHY!

Why not give it a try, It is beneficial for both you and your child. Furthermore, I am sure your partner will be happy to see that his daughter is learning something new everyday and your relationship will gradually improve.

All the best!

Shea - posted on 07/11/2013

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Thank you ladies! Great suggestions Stephanie. I could take my fiance to work if i wanted, ill have to do that sometime! And i agree with "working would be more of a burden on the family." The money would all go straight to daycare. Thank you again!

Gena - posted on 07/11/2013

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I want to thank Stephanie for her comment.
I am 24 SAHM of a 2and half year old son and got married four years ago. I quit my apprenticeship after two years and sometimes i also think i was so dumb not to end it. I am also stuck with no car...
But its true what Stephanie said, we can be good moms and teach our kids to be good people without having a job. I dont even want to give my son to day care eventhough its not always easy.My mom was also a SAHM with us and i am very happy that i always had my mom here for me. You can always chat with me if you feel depressed and want to vent.

Stephanie - posted on 07/10/2013

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Your daughter will look up to you no matter what, you are her mother. You are teaching her more than you know.
I was raised by a stay at home mom, and when I was in junior high, my mom went to work. I missed her and felt like I didn't have the mother I used to, because she often wasn't around when I got out of school and on weekends. I would have rather her stayed home, but I think she was doing more for herself than anything else.
If you feel like you need your sanity, you could insist that your fiance spend time with your daughter when he gets home from work each day so you can have some alone time. You could also put your daughter to bed a little earlier so you have more time in the evening?
Try to form a strong bond with your daughter and teach her how to be a good person. You surely don't need to have a career to do that. You can teach her more important things, like how to care for a household, and maybe she will want to be a stay at home mom when she gets older, to be like you!
Not having a car must be very difficult for you, I would also feel trapped if I couldn't go out during the day. I don't know how practical this is for you, but maybe you could drive your fiance to work a day or two a week so you can have the car?
I hope these suggestions help you. I have felt so lonely sometimes being a stay at home mom. I also don't have a college degree and if I did go to work, it would be more of a burden on my husband and daughter than help with income. We would spend my income on day care, plus, some stranger would be raising my child. You are doing a wonderful thing for your family by being a stay at home mom!

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