Feels like I'm raising two kids on my own! Help!

Ann - posted on 03/06/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have two daughters who are 11 months apart, they are 6 and 16 months old, and I want my husband to be more "involved" with our children's upbringing than he is. I need some type of way or advice as to how I can go about asking him even though I've asked numerous times. He says it's MY responsibility that I do everything. Which no offense, doesn't seem right. We had these children together. We should raise them together. Seems fair doesn't it?

When they were both first born, he helped out the first 2 weeks, then it was like everything hit a brick wall and he stopped doing everything. He has never bathed them. the last time he changed their diapers was when my oldest was 3 months old, and when my youngest was a month old. He feeds them on occasion, but even that is like pulling teeth. When our parents come to visit, he makes himself look like super dad to assure them he's helping out, so that even when I complain he never helps out, they always think I'm the bad guy and thatIi'm the one that's lying. I keep house and look after the kids while he's at work, because that's my job as a stay at home mom. But the fact that I can't catch a 10 minute break because he's being a selfish asshole doesn't cut it. Even when I ask him if he'll watch the kids while I take a 5 minute shower he rolls his eyes at me and says sarcastically "well, I guess so, it's not like I have anything else better to do". He just makes it seem like he doesn't want to be around his kids, and it breaks my heart, because I know he loves them, but just hasn't shown his side of raising them. When is enough enough, and when will he ever man up and take his fatherly role as a parent?

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Sally - posted on 03/09/2013

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He needs a real wake up call. Very few men have any idea what a SAHM does and few of them care until we make them. On his next day off, you need to play "work". Hand him the kids and disappear for 8-10 hours. Turn off your phone so he can't guilt you into coming back. When you get home and he tries to dump it back on you, roll your eyes and say "well, I guess so, it's not like I have anything else better to do". Hopefully, he'll get it. If not, you'll have to decide if his good qualities make up for it or you'll be better off without him.
Good luck

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Karina - posted on 03/09/2013

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I feel for you girl! My husband can be the same way at times. Every now and then he cooks and cleans the kitchen or makes the bed. But He doesn't really help out with our 8 month old baby boy. When he was born he did help me a little but then stopped. And also I know what you mean about his parents being over and acting like he was a helpful dad. That was at first but now he doesn't even try when we go to his parents or they come. I, too have talked to him about how I feel but he throws in my face that I'm not out there working the whole day. Also After a month he was born I would ask him to watch the baby while I took a shower and he wouldn't want to even if the baby was asleep. After a while, after crying my eyes out I gave up and just do it when ever he is at work and my baby is sleeping or i will shower at night when he is down for the night. People keep telling me that most men are like that (not all of them, and those who have the ones that help out a whole lot should be thankful) and that eventually when babies get older and start walking and they can play rough, that's when dad will start interacting more. I don't know but I will trust God! Its hard to deal with that and more when they don't care about their wives like they should! God luck!!!

Ann - posted on 03/07/2013

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I've spoken to him about it many many many times, yet he says he'll help out more, and he does by feeding them, and looking after them while I grab a shower now and again, but then after a week, he falls back into doing nothing again. Just seems like there's no way we can meet in the middle.

Patricia - posted on 03/07/2013

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Have you talked to him and ask him why he is acting this way? Yes the bulk of the responsibility falls on the sahm, but that does not mean he can sit on his lazy ass and not help out some when he gets home. This would not be acceptable to me at all. Sounds like you both need to get yourselves together and try to work out a compromise.

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