For my mommies with at least two little ones.

Navy - posted on 08/23/2012 ( 18 moms have responded )

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So how was it? As far as every day activity, more life changes, etc? Using only one car day to day? Going to appointments with/without hubz this time around possibly?



My husband and I are considering our second and I would like to know how things will change from it being only one little one, to two. It's now or never for us. We are in the military and have no family around. Only one car. Hubz is at work during most of day. Anyone in similar situations past or present who could give a little insight into what we're looking forward to would be appreciated. :]

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Jamie - posted on 08/23/2012

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I'm a single mom with two kids. My daughter was 4 when I had my son so it wasn't to bad that way but of course when you first have a baby it's hard juggling two kids breast feeding lack of sleep and so on but once it slows Down it's great. I mean my son is 3 in November and we have a blast. When you do it completely alone it is a lil harder but nothing worth complaining about. If your thinking of having another then do it. You will get into the groove of things, your families routine. Now a days carts at stores fit car seats so things like that make it easier. You will look back and wonder how you did it before this. My problem is letting go lol

I don't think you'll regret it at all.

Good luck!

Suzanne - posted on 08/23/2012

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We had twins as our first kids so instant 2 kids. It has been hard, but not as bad as I thought. We would not mind the 3rd, however we would need a new car, more space in the house and of course more money. So currently it is just the 2 kids.



Having 2 at times is very demanding, but I have kids that are the same age. Having a younger and older one might be much different. My girls are 4 in sept so another kid would be very much the younger sibling.



You need to make sure that you have activities for both children as the older one will want to do different things to the younger one. Also there might be the sharing issue, the older one was the centre of the universe and now they will have to share you and other things.



If you can have a separate room for the older child it will mean for sleeps the younger one will not wake the older or vice versa.

Tiffanie - posted on 08/23/2012

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My husband is in the military also, we have 2 boys, and I said no more. I'm not sure if your husband deploys, but if he does, you only have 2 arms. My husband deployed 2 weeks after our second son was born, it was challenging! My boys are closer in age than your children would be, just 2 years between them. Both of my boys were co-sleepers with me (I breastfed them both) until they were somewhat mobile, then moved them into their own crib at night. My boys share a room, and are able to play if they wake up in the middle of the night or early in the morning. Both of my boys were also very similar. No collicky babies or problems with going to bed, entertain themselves just fine, and can play independently without a problem too.



My only concern for you would be, if your husband deploys. That is probably the hardest thing for me. And as our boys get older I notice more need to have Daddy/son interaction even while deployed, but the military doesn't really allot daily time for that. And if you are going to be away from family, it will be just you with the kids. Not that is a deterrant, however, my patience and sanity is tested daily, with no break "when Daddy gets home from work".



I wouldn't change a thing though! Growing your family is a blessing that is challenging at times, but always rewarding in the end :)

Michelle - posted on 08/23/2012

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I have 3 and it's great. I had my first two 2.5 years apart and they are now 11 & 8.5 and best friends. My oldest one was great when his brother came along and helped me out a lot. He loved doing things for his little brother.



My youngest is now 2.5 and the boys dote on her so much. She has them wrapped around her little finger. My oldest son will get her up in the mornings (on the weekend) and get her breakfast and everything.



Just remember that they don't stay babies forever so the sleep issue is only for such a short time compared to the years of growing up.

[deleted account]

Sorry for a long post.



I find staying in the house harder than going out with two. In the house I have to keep my eye on everything at once. Our home is tiny, but hard to gate off. So I have to use toys as a blockade to the kitchen.



We have one car as well. My husband gets home really late so he takes it. I make appointments on his day off or on a day that he gets off early. It isn't that hard to take two around. You allot a bit more time to pack everyone up, for us that is about 5 extra minutes. I either have my daughter in a stroller and my son in a carrier, or my son in the stroller and my daughter holding on walking. I base that on how they are acting that day, weather, and where we are going. Some days I even start one way and just store the carrier under the stroller for later if my daughter wants a ride.



I honestly didn't find that our day to day lives changed all that much. Some routine had to change, but it seems to be fairly laid back.



I'm get anxious without sleep as well. I've had my husband send me to bed like a little kid. The first 2-3 weeks were really hard. My husband was only able to take 3 days (5 total with 2 being Christmas eve and Christmas day). I was even alone in the hospital because he had to be home with our daughter. I slept in the living room most nights with my son while my husband slept in our room. It took a while to get a sleep routine down. I slept when I could from 7pm (my daughter's bedtime) to 7am (when she woke up). After about a week I was able to get my son to feed at 6pm, sleep for 2 hours, then feed at 8pm, after that it was about every 3-4 hours until 7 am. When my daughter napped in the afternoon, I napped as well.



Your daughter is a bit older, so by the time a baby were to come, you could most likely set her in front of a TV for an hour for you to get a quick cat nap in the same room.



I honestly found the pregnancy to be harder than after. But I think I might have slept most of the first half of my pregnancy away.

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With just one, you have more time to invest in that one's needs. However, that one can get easily bored and need you constantly. My friend has a four year old boy and I took my two to play with them the other day. She said it was the first time over the summer holidays that she had any peace because her son had someone to play with and wasn't bugging her as often.



With two, you have to split your time a bit because they both have separate needs. However, if you have them close in age (mine are 2 1/2 years apart) once the youngest gets a bit older, they do keep each other occupied a bit more. And, they learn how to deal with competing needs a bit better. I think it's best, but I can see the benefits of only having one, especially when it comes to school work.



And finally, I've had to deal with the car issue. I went from having one child and access to a car all the time to having two and no car as my husband got a new job two weeks after my second was born. It was a big adjustment, however, I think we've done alright. Public transport isn't too bad (although expensive) where I live in England. Also, I've learned to walk everywhere. My six year old son is quite good at walking now and has walked four miles in a day before without complaining. In order do this, I have to be organised. I couldn't do it otherwise.



Anyway, good luck in whatever you decide. :-)

Kim - posted on 08/25/2012

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In the beginning its hard. You have an impatient child who wants your attention, but you are giving it to the new baby. You can figure out how to nurse or feed the baby and read to the older child or play a game. You will figure out how to balance the 2. A lot of people do it. My 2nd(a girl) was soooo colicky for 6 months. It really was horrible, but my son and I got thru it. After that it was so nice for them to have someone to play with. I would put the baby in a carrier and he would ride in the stroller and we would go for walks. She could sit in the stroller while he played at the playground, until she was old enough to join him. I made a box of toys that he could give the baby to play with, otherwise he wanted to share his big trucks or other unappropriate toys.



Really the hardest for me and most of my friends was going to 3. Many people say going to 2 is hard because you can't nap when the baby does, you have another child to look after, so 3 or more isn't hard :D but with 3 you have to divide up all your attention and time by 3, actually more since you have to take care of the house, your husband and by then you are probably taking one or more off to Preschool, school or activities.



I think you should do it if you want to otherwise you will always wonder. Your child will have a playmate for now and a friend for life.

Stifler's - posted on 08/24/2012

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Even then half the time I walked up town to get a few things to get out of the house and went and did big shops on his days off or after he got back from work.

Stifler's - posted on 08/24/2012

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Although I have the car and he got picked up/drove a work car so that wasn't an issue.

Stifler's - posted on 08/24/2012

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I had 2 under 2. My husband works long hours so I feel like I am always the one doing everything around the house and with the kids which is fair enough I guess. I just made a rule that by 7 the dishes and folding will be done and kids in bed and after that I clock off and if it hasn't been done it can wait.

User - posted on 08/24/2012

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it is verry difficult.i am in a similar situation up until now we only had 1 car and my hubby works sometimes 6 days a week 12 hour shifts.and with no family around im the one doing mostly everything.luckily we live right across from a 24 hour grocery and pharmacy so that helped out with errands ,also that was the one thing my hubby would do was some of the grocery shopping wich helped alot.i guess it realy depends on how close together your children are,the younger and closer together in age the harder! and if you have a wild toddler who is an escape artist like mine it makes it even more difficult lol!

Christie - posted on 08/24/2012

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I wasn't as overwhelmed going from 1 to 2, as I was from 2 to 3! lol. My last two were close together though. How old is your child? I found that having two just gave them a playmate and it worked out ok because I also had a little helper.

Raychel - posted on 08/24/2012

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My daughter is 3.5 and we just had our son 6 weeks ago, so I don't have a huge well of experience to draw from, but I tell ya what I know!



I think 3-4 years apart is perfect, cuz they're close enough that they'll be friend, but not so close that they feel like they need to compete against each other. And with a brand new baby, she's olds enough to help me out some.



As far as sleep... I strongly suggest a co-sleeper, especially if you breastfeed. Having your child in arms reach makes night time feedings so much easier. I just roll over, flop out a boob and go back to sleep. :) Plus I find that if they're in another room with a monitor, I tend to feel like I need to check on them with every noise, even if it's just static. When my son is right next to me, I can always hear his breathing and I know he's ok.



We also only have one car. My husband doesn't have his license though, so he will ride his bike to work if it's nice, or we drop him off, then pick him up if the weather's not great. So transportation to appointments and for errands isn't a problem for us.



As far as daily life, it does change some but we found our stride pretty quickly. Like I said, my daughter helps some with the baby and with house chores so that's not too bad. I also do a lot of baby wearing, so mostly my routine hasn't changed much and I'm still able to get stuff done, it's just like being pregnant inside out now!



Feeding time for the baby can be difficult sometimes, cuz my daughter wants to play. We use that time to read books together. I like long sorties that we read in sections throughout the day during feeding times. I also made her "busy bags". I took gallon bags and filled them with different themed activities. She has a stamp bag with washable stamp pads and stamps. There's a bead bag with yarn, pipe cleaners and beads. There's a coloring bag with coloring books and crayons. There are tons of themes you can use for the bags. Then when it's time for baby to eat, she gets to pick which bag she wants to play with. They're all stationary activities, so she's not running around while I'm stuck sitting down. And I also do potty break with her before I sit down to feed my sob, so his meal isn't interrupted by her bladder.



I hope some of this helps. I wish you luck with your decision, and in your pregnancy if you have one!

Navy - posted on 08/24/2012

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Thanks gals. I appreciate the feedback. It's been very helpful and encouraging. Lol. I still feel apprehensive about a second little one, but that is just me freaking out on all of the possible cons with having another. I'm such a worry-wort. I guess if it's meant to happen now, it will happen. :]



@Tiffanie Kipp: My husband is Navy and works as a Corpsman but has luckily been on shore duty. So he'll be with us until re-enlistment. So for about another year or so, I think. Then it's possible and likely he'll be on a ship.



And goodness, it seems like everyone had boys! Lol. I thought I wanted a boy first, because I wouldn't know how to raise a girl. (Mother was more of a tomboy and was our only parent.) But once I had our little girl, she changed my life, and I love her even more. Hubz wants a boy for our second but would be happy either way. I want another little girl so they can be all cute together. Lol.

Karen - posted on 08/23/2012

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Some nights are better than others on the sleep issue....but my daughter sleeps pretty good. I normally put her down around 8:30 and my son around 10:30, some nights I will have to get up around 3 or 4 with the baby but most night she sleeps until at least 6 am, sometimes 8. So I may have 1 or 2 days out of a week that I feel like I need sleep, but on the nights she sleeps 11 hours, I feel like I got too much sleep but it seems to average out, if we have a bad night one night, the next is normally good but i am sure that what i consider a bad night someone else considers good for a 3 month old...but I am very blessed to have kids that like to sleep

Navy - posted on 08/23/2012

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My daughter will be three this year, nearly four this time next year, if we get pregnant now. I guess one of the main things I'm worried about it the age gap. I want my children to be close, not distant from each other because of age. Which is why it's now or never for having our second. Lol.



Luckily, the hubz is good with taking care of stuff. He doesn't have a diaper issue, thank God, but your right, since he isn't around her 24/7 like I am, he doesn't know everything he could for how to handle her properly. But it should be fine on care. Another of my worries is sleep. I tend to get panic attacks when I am not allowed to sleep. (The only time I truly panic about anything. Found that out pretty quick after having my daughter.) How is sleep? I know it's not going to be normal, but I worry about the close quarters we share. My daughters room is pretty much right beside ours. So I don't want her to suffer by being woken up, therefore making her cranky too.



I've been going back and forth on my decision to become a mother a second time, it's ridiculous. Yes today, no tomorrow. Yes tomorrow, no today. Don't know if we're ready for it, or at least, if I am. My husband is all for more kids. Lol. I dunno. I guess we'll see what happens.

Karen - posted on 08/23/2012

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I currently have 2, expecting another in late March to early April. We also only have one car, and my husband uses it mainly. For me, it doesn't feel like it has been that big of a change. I stay at home with them all the time unless I go grocery shopping, to the dr, or to church and normally my husband is always with me. It does get a little stressful when you sit down to feed the baby, and your toddler needs something, or when you are trying to get one down and the other starts crying. I think the biggest change that we have encountered is with my husband....he can't deal with both of them on his own. He can handle it long enough for me to shower normally or to fix supper but he has diaper issues with our 3 month old daughter or says he does at least...lol. He also doesn't get why our 2 year old son whines or cries. I can deal with it, I know what he wants because I am with him 24/7, but my husband on the other hand is hardly ever home so in my opinion he doesn't really know the kids well enough to understand what they want or what has upset them.

In my opinion, y'all should be fine with two! Newborns sleep alot normally so that will give you a chance to spend time with the older child and to get housework done, if you are a SAHM. I don't know how old your child is, but I would suggest potty training before you get pregnant or as soon as you can afterwards! My son was doing good with potty training when I was about 8 months along but my OB told me not to stress out over it because as soon as the baby arrived he would more than likely backslide on it and end up back in diapers anyways. I wish I would have stressed over it more and finished potty training him then instead of having to deal with it now.

(sorry it was so long!)

Hope I helped! If there is anything else you would like to know about having 2, just let me know! May God bless you, your family, and your decision!

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