Frustrated with the friends in my life

Jennifer - posted on 04/01/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Soo..just a little rant here.
My friends spend a lot of time going to bars, restaurants that aren't kid-friendly, or other events that are difficult to attend with a baby. They invite me and when I decline all of a sudden I'm the bad guy!! I'm sorry if I don't want to scrounge up a babysitter EVERY weekend to spend money I don't have! Not to mention the fact that I really enjoy spending quiet evenings with my husband (who I don't see much of during the week). They all seem to have no problem bailing on their kids and husbands to have "girl time". I've tried inviting them over here..we can buy a couple bottles of wine, make dinner and just hang out..that way I don't have to leave my son and husband, and I don't have to spend a ton of money.

The worst part is, I'm a SAHM and most of these girls are shift workers (meaning they have weekdays, afternoons off several times a week). And NEVER do they call me to go out to lunch, for a walk, or whatever.
So why do I have to constantly go out of my way to find a sitter or ditch my hubby, and spend a ton of money when they can't even be bothered to meet me for coffee once in awhile

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Michelle - posted on 04/02/2011

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Life changes and so do friends. Find friends with similar interests. That doesn't mean you have to totally forgo your old friendships. Maybe go out with them once a month or something, talk to them on the phone, invite them over for lunch or just to hangout. If they can't understand that then maybe rethink your friendships.

For looking for other mom's with kids and similar interest you can check out the local Mom's Club, MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers), go to the library during story time you might start seeing some of the same moms, take Baby and Me or Toddler and Me classes through your local community college or local Parks and Rec, The Boys and Girls Club might have something, YMCA might have something, go hang out at a park and start talking to another mom, take classes like water babies, music and movement class or something. You never know who you might meet and even those new friendships will come and go depending on interests.

Good luck!

Tarra - posted on 04/01/2011

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Join a playgroup and make try to make new friends who have kids, i had family and friends who didn't have kids or only have them every fortnight, and as a SAHM i don't go out with them any more, i have firends form playgroup and my sons school who are like me and we meet up during the day and have play dates and all that kid stuff. They understand when you have an off day due to your hubby or your kids, they will listen and moan and groan with you and it is nice to know that your not the only one in the world with issues occassionally. As we get older our expectations on life change and our idesa on how things are done change and even though you may have been friends with someone since grade3 you dont have the same ideas on how to,why to and every thing else, you just have to decide if this is what yo want in your life.

Tinker1987 - posted on 04/01/2011

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Oh i agree its a nice break at the time but dealing with a baby when your hungover is torture lol.thats why my Babybreaks are far and in between. i live in a smaller town there isnt alot of activities for moms and babies.my issue is i dont drive so getting around to those events are challenging.now that its spring i can take my baby out in the stroller maybe join a group when my baby is a bit older.we have things like moms and tots.but my baby is 4 months old so i wouldnt be able to join that! id rather just find someone to hang out with who has a baby.and do park dates!

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Rhonda - posted on 04/02/2011

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I had the same problem!! I just stay at home all the time now with my 2 year old and I hang with my hubby on the weekends. I just joined a gym to start working out and they have a daycare where my son can play with other kids for 2 hours a day (thats the maximum that he can stay in there daily). I guess you can say that my son has become my best friend...we do almost everything together, I am with him 24/7...I want to also find play groups where I can meet other SAHM's in my area...Google playgroups in "your area" and you should be able to find some close to you. You will meet other SAHM's and your son can interact with other kids his age. Good luck to you!!

Ashleigh Jade - posted on 04/02/2011

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I agree with other posts. Maybe its time for a new group of friends. Mummy friends. This will make spending time with mates easier because theyll have the same prioritys.

User - posted on 04/01/2011

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I had the same problem. I found new friends who are SAHM's. My friends always wanted to go to bars and places where my toddler couldn't be. I decided it was time to find other moms. Now, we do playdates at one's home, or at the park. We do stroller walks, and all the good stuff that's kid friendly. I see my other friends rarely now, but it's ok. They understand I have different priorities now.

Jennifer - posted on 04/01/2011

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Lol..glad I'm not the only one! It's been tough because there isn't much available around here for mommy and me. And we don't know anyone in our area. Plus, my son is 7 months so we couldn't even take most classes at the YMCA until recently because most are for 6mos and up. It doesn't help that we live in a kind of rural area so we have no neighbors close by and no sidewalks to take walks and go meet neighbors.
It irritates me because these women have children..they just don't understand why Im not willing to ditch my kid a couple nights a week like they do. They also live 25-30 min away so even if I do go out with them I don't feel comfortable having a couple drinks and driving ALL the way home. And who the hell wants to get up at 6am with a baby when they're hungover!

Brianna - posted on 04/01/2011

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i think u need to find new friends... i got pregnant at the age of 20 so i no all about friends not understanding. I started going to mom and tot swim and met new friends that feel the same way i do and we do child frendly things together all the time such as playdate, walks, camping, going for lunch, going to the park, ect..

Tinker1987 - posted on 04/01/2011

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i have the same problems. ive decided to start talking and socialising with other mommies around my age who have babies. i find now that im a mom i constantly bring up mom things so i think i bore my old friends anyway. i still love my othe friends but things change when you become a mother,you really have to grow up.and realise drinking every weekend is pointless

Brandis - posted on 04/01/2011

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omg lol where do you live??!?! haha

sounds like me, i cant tell you the last time i was invited to something that was kid and hubby friendly, it seems like all my friends wanna get away from their kids and boyfriends (im the only one married)....its to the point where im just not invited anywhere anymore with any of my friends...nothing is wrong with having "girl time" but why does it have to be at a bar or club ya know..
one of my friends and her boyfriend have a date night every friday night and we used to be invited but its never a date where you can bring ur kid cause they get drunk and spend alot of money then go home to their little girl and her mom doesnt mind watching the kid whenever my friend wants her too..my mom isnt like that she has a life of her own and it isnt a baby sitter....so were very limited in the fun we have...my hubby and i mainly stay home...even his friends dont invite him out that much but NONE of his friends have wives or kids....we havent been able to meet many people that are like us

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It sounds like you need to find new friends that share your (SAHM and less money). Joining a moms club in your area might help you find friends that share these with you. Also, when turning the invite down make sure they understand why. You can join them once a month or as often as your circumstances permit so they don't think you never want to go.

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