Getting a little lonely at home.

Lorraine - posted on 09/18/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Well my husband is in the military so as of right now we are both thousands of miles away from our friends and family. I have made some friends here in Texas, but when I had my little one so did they. So all of us are kind of in our own little worlds. Keeping busy with cleaning, playing with baby, etc. Now I am in the position that I have no one really to rely on. Yeah I have my hubby, but lately he's on this health kick and working out constantly for work. Most of the time it is just the two of us, mommy and baby, which if fine, but I do need to talk to an adult. Just for this reason I really wanna go back to work, but then I miss out on baby's firsts. Oh did I mention that I am also trying to take online classes! So very little time for that. I don't know what to do. I am home all day. Hubby comes around 4pm to play video games. Eat dinner, tv, more video games, then bed. So where exactly comes the part when I have a conversation who knows.



I see my hubby during lunch for half an hour, but now he joined a volleyball team which would take that time away. Then yesterday he said, "oh I wanna join bowling!" This would be after work. So when is he suppose to see us. The baby needs time with him. I NEED time with him. I just getting sick of all of this.

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Betsy - posted on 09/18/2009

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I'm sorry that it is so tough for you.



I didn't experience quite the same as you... but I know where you're coming from.

My husband loves to do things, he plays soccer. Wants to go golfing often... loves being outside. He's very active. When there's an opportunity for him to do something, he's on it!



I often felt like I never got to see him... or talk to him. The only chance we had was when we were both going to bed, in which case he would fall asleep or not really pay any attention to me because he was so tired from work, etc.



I felt like he had the easy job - I took care of the baby, fed her - bathed her - changed her, etc. And he got to spend time with her when she was happy and everything was okay.



What ended up happening for us, is that I had to send him an email while he was at work letting him know how I felt.

Not accusing or being mean - because I know he works hard and gets worn out - but just letting him know that I missed spending time with him and talking to him, etc.



I had to send an email because I knew he would read it and then he would talk to me about it later if I brought it up...



Maybe ask your hubby to set aside one night for you or find out a time that he'll agree is you and him time. Even if it's just while your baby's taking a nap. If he is always playing video games ask him if he'd be willing to spend alittle less time playing them, so that he can spend more time with you (my husband also loves video games. I ended up having to tell him that it felt like he would rather play video games then talk to me. Which was just a misunderstanding between us and then he agreed to spend less time playing. Communication is key - even if it has to start with a silly text message or email or something).

Also, it really helps to be able to go out on a date - even if just out to dinner real quick. I know this isn't always possible if babysitter's or family isn't available to watch the baby. But if you have the opportunity take it and enjoy your time with your hubby.



I hope you work something out - I know it can be tough!

Good luck!

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Lorraine - posted on 09/18/2009

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thanks everyone for the kind words. i have been turning blue talking to my hubby, but i think i will try another media. i guess i'm going via email like betsy said. thanks!

Erin - posted on 09/18/2009

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You should find something to join when he comes home at night, a book club, gym, anything to get out. My husband leaves at 7 and is home by 6, except on school days (tuesday and thursday) because he is taking classes. He too loves to do things, fishing, boating, hunting, golfing, sometimes it seems like he enjoys doing everyhting but talking to me. Try to tell him how you are feeling, but understand he will not understand as much as you hope. They don't get it. It isn't that we don't love our jobs as moms, we just need a little time to decompress each day be it 30 minutes of 3 hours. Could you take classes on campus just to get out and meet people or does the time just not fit in to that. I am sorry that this is so hard for you. I know it is easier said than done, but try reaching out to poeple, like at the library, maybe there is a babytime (ours have that were they read stories to the children under 2). I hope this helped, but know you aren't alone. Many of us get lonely.

Dawn - posted on 09/18/2009

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Wow-sounds like Dad needs a reality check! I have been in your shoes & know what you are going through. Sounds like you & the hubby need to have a heart-to-heart. Let hime know how much you love & miss him. That you need some time to reconnect with him each day, and he needs time to bond with his child. They do not understand when you are a stay at home mother, you never get a break from your "job". As much as you love it, you need a little "me" time & adult conversation sometimes. Maybe you & your friends could schedule time to get together each week for a playdate for the grownups & kiddos! Check in the area you live-some have mother's day out programs,mommy & me playgroups, etc. This an excellent way to get out of the house, meet new people & have adult conversations.

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