Getting my step-son to wear his glasses

KRISTEN - posted on 04/19/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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HI I AM A STAY A HOME MOM ALMOST A YEAR NOW AND I HAVE A BIG FAMILY I HAVE THREE GIRLS OF MY OWN AND A SOON TO BE STEP SON BUT I AM WONDERING IF I SHOULD REPORT HIS MOTHER FOR NEGLECT. WE RECENTLY FOUND OUT HIS VISION IS BAD AND HE HAS TO WEAR GLASSES BUT THE LAST THREE TIMES HE HAS BEEN TO OUR HOUSE SHE FORGETS HIS GLASSES OR THEY ARE IN HER MOTHERS CAR SOMEWHERE. I THINK SOMEONE NEEDS TO STEP IN FOR HIM CAUSE I AM WORRIED HIS VISION IS GOING TO CONTINUE TO GET WORSE THE MORE HE IS WITHOUT HIS GLASSES. ANY ADVICE?

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Heather - posted on 04/25/2013

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I agree with you something need to be done.. I know how hard it is to keep glass on kids all 3 of mine started at the age of two. And I know that the eye sight will get worse in some situation but not all that just sounds like she is being lazy and may need it to be pointed out to her maybe ur spouse should do it thou not u . U shouldn't have to buy him a pair if he already has on they should be on his face,

Amanda - posted on 04/23/2013

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I agree with someone who posted earlier to get a pair just for him to keep at your house. When he's dropped off by his mother ask about his glasses if he's not wearing them.

With his speech, it will come with time and socialization at school. My son who is 4 1/2 is a mumbler and it was very hard to understand him. It was very bad before he started pre-school. We still have moments where we can't understand him but there is a huge difference.

Do what you can with him and just love on him when he is with you all.

I hope all turns out well.

KRISTEN - posted on 04/23/2013

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i know kids will be kids but we a s parents its our responsibility to make sure they have what they need to be healthy even if it is a hassle at times. i mean he is 5 years old and he talks like a three year old i can hardly understand what he is saying half the time im hoping once he starts school they put him in speech therapy asap when he is at my house we try to help him with his speech cause its frustrating to us and him because he is trying to tell us something and we cants make out what he is even saying so then he just stops trying to tell us what he is saying and gives up and that is just heartbreaking if it was me i would have had him in speech therapy a long time ago

KRISTEN - posted on 04/23/2013

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well he isnt in school yet so i cant find out if she is even making him wear them or not he is almost blind in one so he can only see out of one eye and the last time his dad picked him up he wasnt wearing them and he asked her where were his glasses and she said oh there in my mom s car because he spends a lot of time at her mothers than with his mom so who knows how long he goes not wearing his glasses and she has a lot of dui charges and drug charges on her record i am just worried she maybe using again maybe and isnt really paying attention to his needs but i m sure if i report her and someone goes to her house i think that would open her eyes and she would start being responsible with her son

Stacey - posted on 04/23/2013

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Hard to say if it's neglect or not. Maybe contact the school and make sure he at least has them there every day. He will end up straining his eyes alot there if he doesn.

Even when neglect is found, reporting is useless most of the time. With my 7.5 yr old step daughter, we as well as others called CAS to report her mother. She was never bathed, never had her hair washed (unless with us), hair always messy, clothing dirty/too big/too small, never appropriately dressed for the weather, homework often dont completed, her reading level was horribly low, her mother never followed the teachers suggestions, her dental was horribly neglected, eyes never getting checked, wouldnt take her to the dr when sick.

We have 'access' not custody, so legally we cant treat her. It's taken a court order to make her mother take her to the dentist to get $2000 worth of dental work. Then 2 years later it took CAS Stepping in to get her to a dentist, to the eye dr and for a check up. Since she had no cavities and good vision, and was clean when CAS met with her, they did NOTHING! Sorry but if CAS calls saying their coming by next week, obviously your home will be clean and tidy as well as you and your kid!!

It was alledged her mother is faking MS symptoms to obtain prescriptions so she can mix pills and get high. They ignored that. Threats were made against our safety and well being if she was to be removed. She threatened to have bikers come after us. CAS did nothing. All the recording I have of my step daughter saying her mom screams at her all the time, grabs her hard and squeezes her, punishes her to her room, meant nothing. They wouldnt even hear them.

Honestly if glasses is all it is, dont sweat. Could be worse. Dont put yourself through the hell we have been through and the stress. I can almost guarantee nothing will come of it, and I speak from experience.

Neglect is very hard to prove. And in our case, unless my step daughter speak up about her mother, nothing will ever change. But she will never speak up about her, when her mother is in the same room as her when she is being interviewed!!!!!

Sorry to rant ... lol just save yourself the headache. If you did report her, and they investigate, and nothing comes of it, you'll just put yourself through all of that for nothing. It would most likely end up being that your step son just keeps forgetting them. Hard to prove other wise, trust me.

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I agree with the other ladies. My son wears glasses as well, and children are horrible at remembering and keeping up with them. It's difficult because once they've had them on for 5 minutes, they don't feel or notice that they are wearing them, but they are so used to their old vision that they don't realize when they are not wearing them either.

J has 5 pair. One pair that is "HIS" he is expected to keep up with them, know where they are, and bring them with him when he needs them. We are using them to teach him to be responsible, but sometimes he forgets and often the consequence of letting him "be without" is too great.
So we also have one pair that stays at school, one pair in my purse, and one pair in my husband's car. The last pair are sunglasses.

I know that sounds expensive. A lot of eye docs here often run a special where you buy a pair and get a pair of sunglasses at half off. They do not have to do an exam if you have a prescription that is less than one year old, and most of them will allow you to get clear lenses in the sunglass frames if you ask. Just wait for those specials. I also reuse the frames. When his prescription changes, he gets ONE new set of frames, and we just replace the lenses in the other pairs.

Michelle - posted on 04/20/2013

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That is not neglect so you can't report her. Like Sarah said, get a pair for your house so he has some if he forgets the others.

My oldest son has had glasses for a few years now and his Dad is slack at reminding him to wear them. I just make sure I have a spare pair here for when he has forgotten them.

Sarah - posted on 04/19/2013

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Reporting her is not really going to change the situation. Instead I would buy a pair you can keep at your house. This way when he is at your place he always has a pair to wear. You can't control what happens at her house and kids are kids.....it might be more the step son that is not keeping them on then her. I would also suggest that most of the communication about the step son be between the father and the mother. Sometimes overstepping your bounds leads to a VERY long life for both you and possibly the step son. Not a good way to start your new life. There are going to be things you wish or even you do differently with your kids that won't work for the step son. He has a mom and she gets to choose how she wants to raise him.....just as you get to choose how you want to raise your children. There might be ways you can compromise on, but there are also going to be things that each of you are going to do differently. Reporting her is not going to win you any favors in her eyes and will make it much harder to have those compromises down the road. It also does not solve the issue as DHS won't be able to really do much.

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