Getting over an argument

[deleted account] ( 1 mom has responded )

I'm very angry with my husband right now, and I need to get over it quick because I don't have time to waste on this.

Here is what happened. I'm stressed out. I've had a rough couple of weeks, and with J being out of school I don't get many breaks.

My MIL calls today (Thurs) and asks if she can take J to a late lunch and have him spend the night. J has been BEGGING to go visit her all week, so I say yes.

Meanwhile, my husband is planning a motorcycle ride on Saturday with some work clients, so he calls MIL to ask if J can spend Friday night and if she can take him to TKD practice on Sat. She agrees, but this makes two nights in a row with MIL.

Then I get a call from DH who is upset that J is going to be spending so much time with MIL over the next two days. The first words out of his mouth were "So I guess J is living at Mom's house now?"

I told him I agreed to let him go today because he'd been begging for time with her all week (I had only learned about the motorcycle ride AFTER I made plans with MIL for today). He responded "Way to put your foot down..." implying that I let J call the shots and had only let him go with MIL today because he begged. Keep in mind, I had no idea about the motorcycle ride, MIL hasn't had him over in nearly a month, and I've had a REALLY CRAPPY couple of weeks.

Throughout the conversation, he kept making remarks that I took as snide, passive agressive comments attacking my parenting. When I called him out on them, he would respond "That's not what I'm trying to say." but when I asked him exactly what he did mean by the remarks, he essentially rephrased the same comment, and it was still pretty much saying I need to put my foot down with J and not let him do what he wanted, and that he "knows summer is tough with keeping J occupied" but we have to step up and deal with it--essentially implying that I was wrong for wanting a break this afternoon. Also, I did mostly want the break, but I also planned to get new tires on our car and was hoping to spare J the boredom of sitting in the autoshop wait room for an hour and half, and I am wrong for that too.

So now I'm pissed off at him and I need to get over it because I really don't want to spoil our evening being cold toward one another. I also don't want J to have to deal with the stress of us being at odds.

He "apologized" but I didn't feel it was a heartfelt apology. I felt, at that point, he was just saying what he hoped I wanted to hear.

So how do I get over it? I want him to know that I am angry with him, I want him to respect my ability as a parent, and I want us both to be happy by this evening.


Tina - posted on 07/27/2013




Unfortunately he's a headstrong stubborn male. You shouldn't need to defend yourself. So what if your son is spending a couple of days with MIL.

How do you get over it. I don't know. I guess just accept he's being an ass. As men sometimes are sometimes. Sometimes ithey just get in those horrible moods where they just have to be jerks. I know my response is a little late.

Your partner gets to go out and spend time with people doing what he wants. You should be allowed time for yourself as well and don't feel guilty. Don't explains yourself and let him know you're not going to argue over it. Just son is going to spend time with his Grandmother and that's that.

He didn't inform you until after about the plans he made for your son to stay at Grandmas so why should you have to justify making plans. Just don't let him get to you. Sometimes men do need to know they're just being jerks though.

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