going crazy.

Kathleen - posted on 02/17/2009 ( 27 moms have responded )

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i've been a stay at home mom since my nine month old was born.. and i honestly wouldn't want it any other way.. but does anyone else ever feel like they are on the verge of a nervous breakdown? i have not left my house since she was born and i think i am going to lose it. my friends are all in a different place in their lives so we don't really see each other anymore.. i don't know what to do.. any advice?

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Samantha - posted on 02/17/2009

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I feel the same way pretty much, only its been going on since i got pregnant with my now 3 year old!! Lately though it has really been bothering me too. I just wanna break down and cry. I think us moms just need to get out once in a while, hang out with other moms, or friends n family, or even do something for ourselves for a change in order to NOT go vrazy. Sorry i know its not much advice, but at least you know there are plently of us out there that feel the same way you do!!If you come up with any ideas let me know, i will let you know if i think of anything!

[deleted account]

I tottally know how you feel. My son is almost 2 and I didn't leave the house much to begin with. My advice is get involved with a group.  I try to get out at least once a day even if it is just to the mall to walk around. Being cooped up just adds to the feeling of going crazy.

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Jennifer - posted on 02/20/2009

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You do need to get out of the house not only for your sake but for your little girls as well. Find some mom and baby groups in your area, go to the mall, the park or wherever you like. Don't get into to a rut. Continue doing things that you enjoyed doing before you had a baby and that means sometimes having time with your friends that aren't in the "same place as you". You do need some "me" time for sanity reasons. I have almost 1 year old faternal boy/girl twins and I made sure that the minute I recovered from my c-section I got out of the house with them, I know if I didn't do it right away I would start making excuses why I can't or why I souldn't. I haven't left them a whole lot (mostly with my inlaws while I get some groceries or do some errands). I did however do one overnight trip with my best friend of 24years. Sure I missed them like crazy but I think it was good for me and also good for them. I hope you are able to find the balance in your life and get out and smell the roses.



 

Rachel - posted on 02/20/2009

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What are the different mom's groups? I too went from working full time to 2 kids, under 1 in no time flat (Irish Twins LOL). I do have a van, and I did look into the link posted, emailed a couple groups in the Mesa, AZ area with no luck. No one emailed me back.

I'd love to get Aiden out and about, just to meet kids his age. He has his sister, and I bet she wouldn't mind someone closer to her age.

My problem is, I am really shy. REALLY shy. I also have some physical disabilities, and while I am sure it isn't true, I can't help, especially as I get older, to kind of hide away.

Teresa - posted on 02/19/2009

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lol, I am with ya on that one. But even with my two kids I try to get out as much as possible, even if it is to Meijer, or target to just walk around. I have nervous breakdowns all the time, but what I end up doing when I feel myself getting like that, is I put the oldest in her crib or her room and just let her play while I stand outside for a minute, or anything! lol, I know it sounds dumb. But even if it is just a moment of quiet, its a great feeling! lol. I love bedtime! Your a good mom, you'll do great!!

Karen - posted on 02/19/2009

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have you thought about hosting a playdate at your house? having some friends over for fun snacks and crafts. that will take up about 2-3 weeks of your time just planning for it. get really creative in every detail. and when the next one is planned at someone elses house just catch a ride with one of the attendees. also, if you can find a place with an activity center or a play area inside that's close then that could be fun for your little one and you'll meet new people.

Amanda - posted on 02/18/2009

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When I very first started being a stay at home mom, I didn't get dressed either and often would go from the bed to the couch. However, now I take a shower every morning before my husband leaves and get completely dressed and makeup and sometimes even put shoes on even if they are flip flops. This has really helped get my day started and then if the boys do want to go outside or my husband comes home early and wants to go somewhere it isn't a big fiasco to get ready. Clothes, even workout pants or comfy pants will help you feel better in general about your day! Right now during winter I do tend to go stir crazy so getting dressed and even just running to the local sonic to get a drink helps me not feel so trapped!

Lindsey - posted on 02/18/2009

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hello. I have been a stay at home mom for 4 years and it does get stressful sometmes. I try to do things with the kids that can also benefit me. Make sure you take time for yourself. If you dont then you will go crazy. Set up a certain day of the week to take a break and have YOU time!!

Jennifer - posted on 02/18/2009

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Ohmygosh, I totally know what you mean.  Being a SAHM is the greatest blessing, but some days I just want to shut myself in my bedroom and cry until they go to bed at night!  Most of my friends are in totally different places in their lives, or they work outside the home, so they don't really understand.  I've found what helps me is to take a few minutes to myself - whether that's during naptime, or if I just shut myself in the bathroom for 30 seconds - and collect my thoughts.  Ask God to help you see the beautiful things in their behavior, instead of getting mad over the behaviors that are irritating and counter-productive.  Sit down, sing a song with them, read a book, color a picture, etc.  It will calm them down because you're calm and quiet, and it will calm you as well.  I've found that prayer changes things, especially your attitude!  So just ask Him to guide your thoughts and actions, and you'll be surprised at what that can do.  Also...GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!  Take some time, even if it's just an hour to sit at Barnes and Noble with a good book.  Moms need personal time, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for taking that time!  Make yourself a priority.  You'll be a happier, healthier mom if you do.  Good luck!

[deleted account]

P.S. We also have only one car and some days I will take my boyfriend to work so that I have the car.  Even if I don't do anything or go anywhere all day, at least that's twice I get out of the house with the baby...one time to take him to work and another to go pick him up from work.  Two car rides.  Baby steps....lol

[deleted account]

I'm in the same exact boat as you.  I live in a state of constanty being "on the verge".  I'm a homebody by nature, even before I had my son.  It's hard getting in the habit of taking him outside.  I just look at it like this, A) I'm still suffering post partum depression, which is at the root of most of my break downs.  Staying in the house doesn't help this problem, only makes it worse.  B) I MAKE myself take my son for walks or to the swings at the park at least 4-5 times a week because I don't want him being a homebody like me unless it's just his nature too.



First step is getting dressed in the morning.  Including shoes.  I learned this on flylady.com but it works in other ways too.  When you have decent clothes on and shoes, you just FEEL like doing something, or like you SHOULD be doing something. 



Something else to consider, I went almost as long as you without really getting out of the house much.  To me, "getting out" was a trip to the grocery store or Wal Mart (woo hooooo good times).  Now that my son is 16 months old, it is near impossible to keep him cooped up, as well as probably not humane lol.  I find that the more I get out, the better I feel.  A little sunshine and fresh air do wonders.  It's like they say with exercise....it seems like a chore before you start but once you start you actually do feel better.  Hope this helps :)

Whitney - posted on 02/18/2009

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I agree! You have gor to get out of the house, not only for you but for the baby. I actually go to the gym everyday and leave her at the kids club at the gym. I have to make an appointment and she is the only infant in there so she gets quality attention and is also able to interact with other children and she loves it! There are days that we don't make it and she is actually worse in the evenings those days. I think they get just as bored as we do. If not the gym, go for a walk, go to the mall, anywhere!! I have a friend who never went out and now her baby is 8 months old and only wants to be with her or her hubby and is having a hard time with people and places he is not familiar with!!

Heather - posted on 02/18/2009

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I have been at home for about a year now, I agree it can get to you! Get out!!! Somethings I do are go to the local library for story time they have them for infants on up and it's free, we go every tues. We also make it a part of our schedule to go out to the park or for a walk at least once a day, there are other mothers or fathers to talk to then also. I ususally do all my grocery shopping and errends with my child too during the day so we get out and actually talk about what we are doing and seeing I think he learns a lot too! Good Luck and Get out!!

Kathleen - posted on 02/18/2009

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but thanks i will look into these mommy group ideas and see if theres anything local i can get to.

Kathleen - posted on 02/18/2009

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mine takes the only car we have too. and i never ever get dressed. always in pj's or sweats. can't remember the last time i put make up on. 

Gwyn - posted on 02/18/2009

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One thing that helps me is to get up, exercise, and then get dressed for the day even if I'm not going out. The exercise helps boost my mood and getting dressed helps my self-esteem. Also, making lists of things to do around the house helps me feel productive. But definitely get out of the house at least a couple times a week, even if it's just to go to the grocery store. Human interaction is essential to staying sane!

Megan - posted on 02/18/2009

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My daughter is 6 weeks old and I know exactly how you feel already. I went from working full time being stresses and busy to being at home and not venturing out that often. I know I’m doing the most worthwhile thing staying at home and bringing up my daughter but sometimes I feel a bit lost on my own. So don’t worry you are definitely not the only one. I’m considering joining a mother and baby group to meet people.

Kamesha - posted on 02/17/2009

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So you mean to tell me that this is normal? What a relief. I am also a stay at home mom, but my son has epilepsy. All this time I thought the feeling of loneliness, not hanging out with friends was because I was stressed out about his condition. I’m sure it played a part but, it is a relief to know that this is normal these feelings probably would have occurred even if he didn't have epilepsy. I have just begun to cope with all of this over the past month. I agree that you should get in a group. I have gotten back into the swing of life by attending fundraisers that my college sorority puts on which has been a great way for me to hook back up with old friends. I also became an independent sales rep with Avon, it has been a lot of fun because women love beauty products so I get to interact with a lot of different women through sales and making extra money while feeling a little more independent from my fiancé. Maybe this is something that you could try. After seeing the work that I put into my sales, it gives me a since of self gratification and accomplishment. I hope this helps and I’m glad to know that I am not alone:)



Hang in there

Jasmin - posted on 02/17/2009

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have you joined a playgroup? thats the best thing i did. i have 3 boys 1,3,and8. ive met heaps of wonderfull friends at playgroup. its the loneliness that kills ya. get out meet other mums and youll feel heaps better.

Andrea - posted on 02/17/2009

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Ladies- you have to get out of your house!! Even in the winter, bundle up & go outside. Staying home doesn't have to be lonely & depressing. Some days are like that, but most of them shouldn't be.
Kristin- are there ever days when you could drive your husband to work & you could have the car?

Kristin - posted on 02/17/2009

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Im in the same boat. My son is almost 4 months. My husband takes the only car that we have and he works 60 plus hours a week. I go days without seeing the outside. I stay in pajamas most of the time. Its getting very depressing. It wouldnt be so bad if I could take him somewhere to interact with other babies but I dont have a way to get anywhere. Im going crazy myself..and I think Jaxson is too. If you ever need to talk Im here..all the time lol

June - posted on 02/17/2009

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Check out your local libraries, most of them have programs and playgroup for babies to preschool age. You'll get to meet parents, mostly mommies who are at the same stage of life you are for the obvious reason. There are also organizations like moms club, you can check out their website http://www.momsclub.org/links.html, not all local chapters have websites so you might want to call them up or email them for more information in your area. The one I go to has "classes" for preschool age children and a nursery for babies. We meet once a week on average, and they have a wide range of programs from fun stuff like flower arrangement and chocolate cookoff to serious business like financial talks and time management. You can also meet other moms @ your local rec center where they have programs for baby and me fitness program. Some churches offer moms day out, a playgroup or babysitting service, so you have a few hours off to yourself. It is important to get out of the house and have some mommy time. I hope this helps.

Tina - posted on 02/17/2009

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what? you need to get out!! the day after i got out of the hospital, put baby in a moby and walked over to the coffee shop to introduce her to everyone. since then we've been out for at least one meal a day. even if it's just coffee. she's interested in meeting new people and i still interact with my friends regardless if they have kids or not.

Sarah - posted on 02/17/2009

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i agree, but we live about a mile from town, and that town has about 600 people, and two parks that i rarely see people at... the next town is about 8 miles away, in the summer it will be much easier, we will have to see once summer rolls around!!!

[deleted account]

You HAVE to get out. Is there a mom's group at a local church? Can you sign her up for a Gymboree mommy and me class? You need to find ways to make other friends with kids your same child's age. Take her out for walks in the neighborhood. Scope out the local parks and take her for walks/to play when you see other moms there. It will take some time and you have to risk putting yourself out there, but you have to make friends that are in the same stage of life as you. Good Luck!



http://www.lazymoms.com

Kathleen - posted on 02/17/2009

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thank you both  & sarah i feel the same way about summer, and a parttime job. i just need out of the house and talk to someone who doesn't need me to change their diaper lol.

Sarah - posted on 02/17/2009

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agreed, i don't get out enought either.. my daughter is also 9 months old! i went from being in school full time, and playing softball in college and working 2 jobs, to BOOM stay at home mom! im going insane!!! i need it to be summer so we can at least go outside more... im even considering getting a part time job just to get me out once in a while, as much as i don't want to!

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