going to sound dumb....

Jessica - posted on 06/03/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Lately my son (who is 2, hence going to sound dumb) is driving me crazy. He used to be so well behaved and somewhat listen to instructions and when I would tell him "no" or "no thank you" he would listen. But man lately if I say the sky is blue he'll say it's green. What can I do to get through to him, timeouts are not working, and I don't want to spank him, but he just gets me so frustrated.

I'll take the time and explain things in a simple manner to him and he'll say ok mommy and go right back to it. Please help I don't know what to do.

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Krista - posted on 06/06/2009

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First of all, you pick your battles. It's not worth arguing over whether the sky is blue or green. It's them trying to get control, that particular one will never change, so let him have it. Save the time outs or spankings for something big. My kids don't get "spankings" but they do now and then get a swat on the butt. But they know if I got that far they pushed me too far. Kids do everything they can to control their lives, let them have as much as they can. My 4 yr old tried "because I said so" for a while. He would tell me to do something because he said so. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. But I didn't punish him, just said, "oh, really". And told him why I wouldn't do it. He still tries to stay in control, but also knows that I am mom and listens (sometimes). Just relax, enjoy the creativity of stuff they come up with, and make sure they listen when it's really important. Like running into the street. My little one isn't allowed to play in the front yard, and if he goes in the street, he's in the house after that. He has to hold my hand in parking lots, but has freedom on the sidewalk. He has to wear his helmet when he rides his bike or scooter. There are so many things that they try to control and argue with, that you really have to decide what's important to stick to.

I have a friend who freaks out over the little stuff and doesn't react to the big stuff (like her daughter disappearing at the zoo 5 times). Her kids don't listen well at all and they are rude. Make sure the child knows the rules (no more than two or three big ones) and the consequence, be consistent with that, and let much of it go. They are so creative and imaginative! Enjoy that while you can. Good luck.

Dawn - posted on 06/04/2009

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we tried punishing our daughter for every little thing too. but after awhile i felt that it wasn't working too well anymore. so we started using a reward chart and she has to "earn" toys and special outings etc. my rule of thumb for toys or clothes is 1 sticker or smiley for every dollar that the item costs. this system worked a lot better for getting her to pick up her toys without a fight and to be nice to her brother!!

all i have to say was hey do you want to earn a sticker today? the first week she did really good...only missed one day!!

at 2 your son is old enough to understand how this works. you don't have to buy a toy everyweek (unless you want to) it could be something as simple as getting ice cream or going on a picnic or maybe going to the store and getting to pick out some candy. whatever you decide works for you.

for us we let her decide (she's 4 now). she just went last week and picked out a chef barbie set for just under $20. but she had to earn 20 stickers. so really it almost takes a whole month for her to get it. my limit is $20 though.

now we save the timouts for when she's being really bad...pushing her brother or just flat out refusing to pick up her toys. everyone goes through these phases...no one is perfect!!

just be patient. this too shall pass!! we outgrew out bratty phases!! lol. he'll be fine i promise as long as you remain consistant when you do set out to punish him. if you want him to sit in time out for 5 minutes then make him sit there for 5 minutes. even if it takes an hour to get him to do it!! you can't give in cause then he wins.

i wish you luck:)

Nicole - posted on 06/04/2009

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Quoting Jackie:

At 2 he has realized he has power and control. And he is taking it as quickly as he can find it. Sadly, alot of the stages really have to do with control. My little boy is a stubborn as they come and I found him alot harder to deal with then my daughter. What I have found worked best with him is an award system and giving him choices. So long as I'm offering him the choices he believes he is still in control. The trick to offering choices is to make sure you offer the choices before he is about to make a poor one. So it really does mean alot of extra work on your part but you will notice your days going much smoother. With some kids so long as they feel like they are making desisions no matter how narrowed and one sided we make them; they think they are in control and empowered.



I totally agree!  Just make sure if you do give him choices that they're real choices and not open-ended choices:  "Do you want to wear your blue shoes or red shoes?"  not "Do you want to wear your shoes?".  That way they do what you want them to and they feel like they made the decision.  I worked at a daycare and that's how we disciplined the children: make a good choice and you get a reward (play, treat, whatever), make a bad choice and you get to "take a break" until you're ready to make a better choice!

Jackie - posted on 06/04/2009

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At 2 he has realized he has power and control. And he is taking it as quickly as he can find it. Sadly, alot of the stages really have to do with control. My little boy is a stubborn as they come and I found him alot harder to deal with then my daughter. What I have found worked best with him is an award system and giving him choices. So long as I'm offering him the choices he believes he is still in control. The trick to offering choices is to make sure you offer the choices before he is about to make a poor one. So it really does mean alot of extra work on your part but you will notice your days going much smoother. With some kids so long as they feel like they are making desisions no matter how narrowed and one sided we make them; they think they are in control and empowered.

Kelly - posted on 06/03/2009

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Just be patient, be consistent, and WAIT! Keep explaing, and eventually he will reach the point in his development when he "gets it". There really is no quick fix to the "twos", or any other stage. There are so many frustrating things that kids go through, but the key words here are "go THROUGH" as in "come out the other side". It is maddening, but you will survive it!

Bec - posted on 06/03/2009

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oooooh fun times ahead!!! Sorry i have 3 boys, and my 2, nearly 3 yr old is exactly the same!!!! It is very frustrating. Smacking doest work on my son, timeout will work occassionally but i found confiscating something that he loves works well. I think you just gotta find what pushes their buttons - one of my sons loves quality time so timeout is wonderful, the other loves his belongings and has favourite toys etc, so when i take them away, it gives th epower back to me for him to work to earn it back with good behaviour. I guess they are all different - and it doesnt sound dumb at alll - i often pull my hair out!!!!! Just wait till they behave like that in public - then its gets worse!!!

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