Going up against GRANNY??

[deleted account] ( 6 moms have responded )

My question or should I advice needed is bout my 16 yr old daughter & her boyfriend. Let me start from the beginning. I currently am a stay at home mom. My girls are 8, 14 & 16. Their father past away in 2007 and 17 months later I met a nice man and we started dating. Been together for 8 yrs now. He too has a son which he has sole custody of that'll be 18 in November. This young man has caused us to break up once for a short time but his dad & I decided no matter what we wanted to be together and work things out. I laugh and say sometimes I've been thru some incredibly tough things in my life (ex. losing my husband and father of my kids) but this blended family thing is the hardest thing I've ever had to indure! His son has been using drugs for almost 5 yr, not hard core stuff but nevertheless drugs! Hes been on adult & juvenile probation, kicked outta school, arrested more times than I can count. This young mans mom is an addict herself so no real role model there. My boyfriends mom will drop everything if the grandson calls. Whether it be him needing a ride or $. Recently he lost his job bc he wouldn't go to work when scheduled. But his other grandparents, give him a practically new scooter with the condition he gets another job, maintains employment in order to keep it legal. From my point of view, here he is a 9th grade drop out, with no job, no future and yet he gets rewarded! In the meantime my girls are seeing this behavior with never any consequences! All my girlz make great grades and my oldest which is 16 is active in church regularly and has 2 jobs! Recently my daughter started dating. This young man is every mother's dream. Hes so respectful and polite. There's not one bad thing I could say bout her boyfriend. He just graduated, has a job and has enrolled in college for fall classes. He too is active in church with her. Last few months, I've let him stay all night at our house and sleep in my daughters room with her. She also goes and stays all night with him. I trust them both explicitly! I've talk to them both bout sex and what can come from it if not protected. They both reassure me when they are ready, they'll come to me.

Every year we take our annual beach vacation to M.B. Early in the spring I'd asked my boyfriends mom if she'd like to go to the beach with us this year. We used to do this but for some reason we stopped and his mom only took his son and left my girls at home. Anyways she said yes but only for bout ½ the wk. Awhile after that my daughter asked if her boyfriend could go with us too. She also said he'd help pay too! So with Granny & her bf going it was gonna be super cheap on us. Which worked out in our favor bc we are getting ready to buy our first home together. Well when my long time bf's mom found out my daughters bf was going she flipped her lid. Saying she didn't support them sleeping together and it went against her beliefs! I'm thinking to myself, you are a divorced woman that has two drug addict sons at home. You enable them to keep using by supplying them w a home, a ride and $! Not to mention she knows they sell drugs too. Then she has a grandson she knows is headed down the wrong road and anytime he hollers, you come running. Whether it be for a ride, money or whatever. But yet you want to say it goes against your morals if I let my 16 yr old straight A honor student, that has 2 jobs & her decent drug free bf sleep together under the same roof. I even told them while Granny was at the beach they could not sleep together! My bf mom is saying she's not going to the beach if the daughters bf goes, and my bf says we can't afford to not go along with her bc hes not gonna make it seem like hes picking the daughters bf over his own mom. So I'm all lost and confused! I believe the way I'm raising my daughter is working for me. I mean my bf son is a drug addict and has been since the age of 13. Do I go along with Granny and tell the daughters bf he can't go or stand behind my daughter and say if the bf can't go then I'm not????

6 Comments

View replies by

Jodi - posted on 07/05/2016

3,562

36

3907

So your 16 year old and her boyfriend sleep together under the same roof and are not having sex. Is that what they tell you?

And that's beside the point really. Your 16 year old is too young to be so joined at the hip with a boyfriend that she can't have a family vacation without him.

Jodi - posted on 07/05/2016

3,562

36

3907

She's 16. She is not old enough to have a boyfriend coming away on family holidays with her, Period. Granny is right not to support your daughter and her bf sleeping together. This is separate from her enabling her adult sons. This is a 16 year old girl who should be able to have a family holiday without taking and sleeping with her boyfriend. YOu need to stop comparing one issue with the other. Why are YOU enabling a sexual relationship between 16 year olds?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms