Grandmother gave my 5 month old coffee

Megan - posted on 12/09/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My baby's great grandmother kept my child overnight last week. She tells me the next day that she had a lot of poopy diapers and messed up all of her outfits. Then proceeds to tell me she got a picture to show me of her drinking coffee in her bottle. I was furious. I freaked out but am a little timid when it comes to this woman because she's so militant and combative. So she asked if I was mad. I said "a little, yes." She then says "oh it's not going to hurt her, mine have had coffee since they were blah blah blah....." I'm not stupid, I know the effects of caffeine on an adult so I imagine it's 3x worse for a 13lb infant. She continued to make me feel like I was overreacting. We have since had a disagreement over other things so we told her we thought it best she doesn't get the baby this week. She blew up. Am I overreacting to the coffee thing? If I tell you I don't want you to give my child a stimulant and you don't respect me enough to agree I don't want her in your care. Does this make me a bad person? She says we are using the baby against her. I don't know what to do.

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Cassandra - posted on 12/09/2013

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It does not make you a bad person! It makes you a GOOD MOMMA! Coffee is a laxative as well as a stimulant. It is so dehydrating to a baby to poop that much. You gave birth to this child, you are raising this child, you make the decisions on how she is taken care of. My husband and I have a motto that we tell our parents and grandparents constantly; Being a grandparent is a PRIVLEGE, NOT A RIGHT!" She will be angry, but that is just something you will have to work through. She made this choice for herself by disrespecting you and your wishes. It is her own fault and sooner or later your grandma will come to realize that. In the meantime, hang in there and know that you are doing what is best for your baby.

Linda - posted on 12/13/2013

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You've done nothing wrong! In fact I need to take a page out of your book. My mother-in-law does the same things. When we specifically tell her no, she goes ahead and does it anyway. When we say we're uncomfortable with something, like the sleeping arrangments (my daughter has gotten too big for the playpen, so we have a toddler bed to go over, but she won't clean up the room that my son is suppose to move into, so my daughter has been sleeping with Grandma in Grandma's bed, and not only am I not comfortable with that, but my daughter DOESN'T sleep), Grandma doesn't listen. Thank you for opening my eyes and making me realize it's okay to put my foot down and say no.

Jodi - posted on 12/10/2013

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You absolutely have every right to be upset. However, being great grandma, things have changed a lot since she had children. Perhaps she doesn't understand the science behind the reasons you are upset. Maybe you could handle this by doing some research and printing out some articles on the effects of caffeine on infants and children and giving it to her to read. She may not even realise the true issue surrounding this.

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SiMpLiCiTy - posted on 12/12/2013

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I also had an issue with things like this, my husbands dad tries to give my kids beer. We went to visit once and my oldest was just a little one, not even one yet, he was trying to give her fried potatoes and I said to him, "no, she doesn't like them, she always gets choked and throws up" he proceeded to give it to her and sure enough, here I am having to dig it out of her throat. Stand your ground, it's your job as the mother. You know what's best! If my oldest drinks caffeine, even just a little she gets the worst infection I've ever seen, something else they don't listen to. We don't go around them anymore bc of other issue, trust me you don't want to live like that, so try your best to work things out in a civil manner. Some think its best to just move on and go separate ways, and even tho it may be, it just hurt, every single day. I hope you figure things out and everything works out for the best!

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She is manipulating you by playing on guilt. I came from a very toxic family and eventually had to "divorce" my brothers and their families. You and your husband have every right to decide what's best for your baby. Giving a 5 month old child coffee is unhealthy! You are doing the right thing. Remember, just because she says something doesn't mean it's true. Trust your instincts.

Debbie - posted on 12/10/2013

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I would do the same thing, no kid for awhile. Get pissed and so on. My...tried to give my kid coffee in a restarant, in front of a lot of people. we hit it out of her hand all over. And left. (NO, I didn't over react).

Megan - posted on 12/10/2013

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This woman is the type of person who does what she wants to do, and "won't take $#!+ from nobody about it!" I refuse to engage in her combative behavior or explain my decision. I shouldn't have to, but I keep feeling like I'm in the wrong. I don't come from the same planet as these people. All they wanna do is "nyah nyah nyah" and I'm over here just trying to live peacefully and teach my daughter love. Not hateful words and bullying. I don't have to worry about it now but as she gets older she's going to be around that in their care. Really I just want to cut off all contact with them but I'm torn because I don't want to hurt anyone. They love her, yes. But they don't respect me or her father, their own blood. She told him to grow up and get some balls after he told her "it'd be best if you don't get the baby this week." We are trying so hard not to engage in a war over this. But they keep on. I do not want my child to develop the fear of her grandmother and great grandmother that I have. They are scary, evil women. :( of course, there is way more to this story but I would have to write a book to tell it all.

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