Happy Easter! NOT!!!

Kassi - posted on 04/05/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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ok so my husband and i took our 6 month old down to my families house yesterday for easter. my son cries everytime we go there and i think it is because of all the stress and tension in the house. but when we go there they are always like what is wrong with your baby, you need to take him around people more often he shouldnt cry everytime he is around us, and my mother thinks it is because they dont see him enough. i have tried telling them that that is not the case that he is fine if we take him anywhere else and that he is fine around people he has never even met and that it is probably because they are all so tense all the time, but they dont wanna listen to me. they are all older so of course they think they know more than me but he is my son and i know him better than they do! so i'm not sure what to do should i just stop taking him there or be like ok look this is why he acts like this if you cant calm yourselves down when he is around then he doesnt need to be around you! any suggestions?

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Taralee - posted on 04/05/2010

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Hey Kassi,

Shelly has a great point....I too would leave if they can not stop arguing. But first, if everyone started arguing I might sort of loudly, and very happily say "OK Baby lets go outside and play!! Or go to the next room and find something to play with". Therefore, drawing attention to how ridiculous they are being, and that your little one is present. This way you are giving them a warning, and not rising the tense even more. Then if they start again, just say.." Wow look at the time, it is like halfpast childish in here and the last train for sanity is leaving, ok boys get your stuff we are out of here......see you next year....let me know if we should bring our boxing gloves next time, or sell tickets". And when your family confronts you about it....because you know they will, they always do.....you just say "Listen, I am not going to have my son learn that this is how you treat family, so even though he is the 6 month old, all you need to grow up so he can grow better than this...." Does it sound like I may have had this conversation....if so ....you would guess right!!

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Kassi - posted on 04/05/2010

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haha god Taralee i love it! you brighten my day everytime i have a problem! yes it would seem like you have been there and i will definately have to try that out because i love the way you put it sounds just like something i would say. just smartass enough to make it work haha!

Kassi - posted on 04/05/2010

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thank you both. i am a very honest person and i do tell my family what i think haha i think that is part of the problem they think i am hateful and that i have made my son not like them. im like ok hello he is only 6 months old im pretty sure i cant make judgments like that for him its a feeling he has not anything i have done because he doesnt know what i say really and i dont talk about people behind their backs id rather say it to them. and they know that so i dont get why they act like they do!

also Shelly it is totally fine to vent i will listen and i cant stand it when families argue constently. i did bring up the fact that i wouldnt know it was a holiday if my family didnt argue and they just blew it off and im with you i would rather my son not associate the holiday's with arguments. because thats what ive grown to associate them with and i dont like that at all!

[deleted account]

Hi! So glad you posted this...good to know we aren't the only one's with this problem! My family is so tense and they no one gets along. We hate visiting them. I got the point of just telling them how I felt. My kids are way more important to me than their feelings. I told them if they start while we are at their house, we will leave! And they better not bring it into our house!! They of course said I was being mean, but I really was to the point of not caring. We do not go anywhere on holidays. We stay home and if they want to see the kids they are welcome to come over and see them. I want my kids to have fun memories of mommy making a big turkey on Thanksgiving and a ham on Easter!! I don't want them to associate holidays with being in a stresful/tense enviroment. Sorry....I guess I needed to vent a little too :) Good Luck and don't forget your a mommy first and don't let your "difficult" relatives get in the way of that ;)

Erin - posted on 04/05/2010

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My daughter was the same way around my in-laws and they told me the same thing...she needs to get out more I shelter her to much blah blah blah. I told them she was fine everywhere else and that she had problems when people around her were fighting or tense. When they tried to tell me otherwise I told them I know her better then anyone because I know how she acts when I take her places.....they arent with her they dont know! My daughter did grow out of it and until she did I rarely took her there and I started inviting the family to my house where she was comfortable. I just told my husband that my daughter comes first and if they dont understand that then they dont need to be around her right now. I told my mother-in-law that as well. we all sat down as a family and discussed what was causing the tension....it kind of helped. There is still tension and my daughter is now three and stands up for herself. my advice is to put your son first and ignore those who tell you you dont know him. No one want s to admit that he isnt happy there because they are unhappy and he picks up on that. They will always put blame else where. Good luck!

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