Has anyone else lost their sex drive? Does it come back?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Dorothy - posted on 12/07/2009

3

22

0

I have been struggling with this same issue for the longest time. I feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one. I keep telling my husband that. But sometimes I feel really guilty about it and worry that he'll resent me for my "problem". While we were dating I was all over him. But after a few years of marriage (8 now), I couldn't be bothered. I wonder if my husband thinks I "tricked" him into thinking I was a different person than I am. I still love my husband with all my heart, but sex is the furthest thing from my mind. I have four children under the age of 7. I'm ALWAYS tired, my house is usually a mess, and most often I have a to-do list running through my head.

Just a few days ago my husband commented that he wishes that our sex drive was better matched; that that would make our relationship easier. This freaked me out! I have so many insecurities about myself already, and now I worry that my husband regrets marrying me because I'm not into sex. I know he loves me, he tells me often. He tells me I'm sexy and beautiful. But no matter what he says or how many candles are lit, nothing really changes. I hate feeling like I'm the "loose bolt" in our relationship.

Most of the time, I spend the whole day with a baby pulling at my pants, a toddler whinning at me and requesting my attention, and breaking up fights between my 5 and 7 yr olds. I'm constanly asked for this and that, giving and pleasing everyone. I think I tend to resent it when my husband comes home from work and is one more person who wants me to "give" him something. I know he needs attention too! I really do understand that. I just wish I felt like giving it. I feel sorry for him. I really do. I feel like our relationship issues all stem from this one issue and it's all my fault. If I could just get back what I lost, everything would be a little better for us. However, so far, I'm just waiting. I hate feeling powerless.

Arlene - posted on 12/05/2009

5

4

0

Quoting Krista:

My drive has been gone for almost 5 years now. After my first son I was still interested, after my second I was a little less interested and after my youngest was born, nearly 5 years ago, sex feels like a chore to check off of my list. Dishes, Laundry, sweep, dust, sex, vaccume. I hope it shows up again someday but for now my sex drive consists of, "We can if you promise to hurry"....ROFL


Krista Cosme...I feel exactly like you do!!  LOL  On my chore list, however, it the last item.  If I'm too tired, sex is not going to happen...or it's "make it a quickie, dear".  ROFL

User - posted on 12/03/2009

4

0

0

And the we wonder why husbands cheat! lets get on it girls! poor hubbies!

Jamie - posted on 12/06/2009

173

17

21

I read all the posts there are really good suggestions I hope mine fits in well enough... I have 3 adult chidren not at home a 17 yr old,a 2 yr old at home I am a stay at home mom. When I feel like it's been along time since my husband and I made love, I will phone him and make that kind of remark and then suggest that we should work on it,(for my lovey that's foreplay) this puts him in a receptive mood to "discuss" when he gets home the evening is what it is noise kids dishes... but then after the bath time for our little one is done and he's having a snack and getting ready to sit with papa I will tell him that I'm going to have a bath and relax and ask him if he minds coming in in half an hour if I'm not out by then to rub my back (after he puts boy to bed first) funny thing about my husband he realized I'm more receptive in love when I've had time to be me,and not mom, hunny etc.and for his reasons knowing I am taking a bath is also a visual foreplay for him also" I smell REALLY good" his words when we go to bed so then we are both open minded enough to discuss active rolls to better our love life and then we have dessert;)

Lisa - posted on 12/01/2009

1

13

0

I feel that way to.I have a 4yr old and a 11 month old..The first time around I wanted sex right after I had him.When my daughter was born almost a yr ago I have no interest in having sex.Maybe cause I had her by csection..And im bigger then i was before..I find no joy in sex anymore..I love my husband..And he says im sexy..but when you dont feel it you dont feel it..hopefully soon it will come back..i hope..im only 30

This conversation has been closed to further comments

74 Comments

View replies by

Shannintipton - posted on 10/03/2011

36,025

50

681

Hi Kitty, I want to thank you for your input but this thread is a little old so I am going to close it. But thanks for your response. :)

Vanessa - posted on 12/07/2009

21

6

1

never thought in a million years that it would happen to me!!!! but it sure did ;) and i didn't care one bit..because i knew without a doubt it would come back..don't worry about it when you feel like it do it when you don't then don't stress yourself out about it!! one thing i can tell you that might help..take a nice long shower and get ready like your going out..once you start to feel sexy maybe you'll start to want it too ;) at first I just felt so overwhelmed and tired that sex was the last thing on my mind..but, then I started to remember I needed to papmer myself for at least 1 of the 24hours in a day..but, be careful :) too much sex might lead to another bundle of joy take care and relax

Tabitha - posted on 12/07/2009

12

31

2

I had my son almost 10 months ago and still nothing! I'm on the depo shot but I also had a 3rd degree tear and have some scar tissue. It's hard to want to, it hurts and I feel like I'm just a stress reliever for my husband. UGH!

Kim - posted on 12/06/2009

23

15

2

Mine came back after about 6 months, which is around the time I re-started my cycle. (It stopped while I was breastfeeding.) It might be a coincidence, though.

Stacie - posted on 12/05/2009

4

23

1

it was almost over a year before i REALLY wanted it. there were days when i was like..ok...but i didnt really feal the need to have sex. it is normal. and it will come back!

Miranda - posted on 12/05/2009

62

35

7

I feel that way and I have a 4, and 8 year old! I think you are going to have to try really hard to get back into things... As for me, eh... it's hard to get aroused when you have screaming kids all day long.

Kellyn - posted on 12/05/2009

87

38

10

Quoting Arlene:



Quoting Krista:

My drive has been gone for almost 5 years now. After my first son I was still interested, after my second I was a little less interested and after my youngest was born, nearly 5 years ago, sex feels like a chore to check off of my list. Dishes, Laundry, sweep, dust, sex, vaccume. I hope it shows up again someday but for now my sex drive consists of, "We can if you promise to hurry"....ROFL





Krista Cosme...I feel exactly like you do!!  LOL  On my chore list, however, it the last item.  If I'm too tired, sex is not going to happen...or it's "make it a quickie, dear".  ROFL





LOL amen! I'm glad I'm not the only one who does this....

Samantha - posted on 12/05/2009

9

40

2

your body has gone through a lot by having a baby and it may well be a way of saying that it needs a rest, it will come back but just find otherways of showing love and try not to push your partner away

Larisa - posted on 12/05/2009

55

3

4

Yes it will come back, I was tired and soar and did I say tired! you just need your rest and privacy which Is hard when you have a baby... It will come back and get better. My daughter is 4 months and its comming back

Amber - posted on 12/05/2009

15

8

0

I am 23 with a 5 year old and a 3yr old. I have no interest but my husband is not romantic at all. Same ole same ole....I thought I was the only one but i apparently NOT!! This actually makes me feel better since im told its all my fault and i need a sex pill or something by my husband. Im just bored and not interested.

Pam - posted on 12/05/2009

33

30

0

For those of you who have lost their sex drive, there is a product out that just might help. Some are calling it the liquid Viagra for men and women. Many doctors see it as a natural, healthier alternative to drugs like: Viagra, LeVitra and Lyriana. Not sold in stores! For more information contact me via Circle of Moms or pmont2@hotmail.com.

Iris - posted on 12/05/2009

130

20

3

Yes, the sex drive does come back..When u have a new baby in the house, U get really tired and alot of stress.. It took me three weeks after my son was born before i got mine back..

Kellyn - posted on 12/05/2009

87

38

10

For me, I have to work hard during sex and I'm just not up for it these days! With a new baby, I'm working all day long, and the last thing I want to do when we get time together is work! I imagine that the sex drive will never be the same for me, but it doesn't mean it won't be there at all. As kids get older, they tend to be a bit more self-sufficient. That means more alone time for mom and dad, and maybe not less work with the kids, but maybe just not constant, hard work all day long. You can leave them to their own devices more as they get older.

Kelly - posted on 12/04/2009

73

27

3

my oldest child is 11 and i had 12 hours of labor with her with no pain medication after she was born i didnt get into a relationship that was serious until she was around 2 i can honestly say i really dont care one way or another about getting laid personally i can do with out but every once in a blue moon i get the itch and i have been with the same man for 9 years and he gets it maybe 1-2 times every 2-3 months and sometimes he just happens to get me pregnant again now i have 5 beautiful babies and one on the way

Amanda - posted on 12/04/2009

20

11

0

Ahhhh. I can definitely relate here! I was a freakin sex fiend before I got preggo. I wanted it any time, anywhere. Lol possibly TMI, but anyways, I don't want it at all anymore. My boyfriend is always kissing or touching me and I just feel disgusted. It's like I hate my body so much, I don't want to be touched. Plus, our relationship is already falling apart and the sex just isn't good, when it rarely does happen.

Kaitlyn - posted on 12/04/2009

3

26

0

I have right now because I am 11 weeks and havent gotten to see the doc yet. In CO they make you wait until 12 weeks so right now I am trying to take it as easy as possible. I keep having really scary dreams about having sex then miscarrying so since I havent established a doc, Im not taking the chance.

Amy - posted on 12/04/2009

47

0

2

I cannot tell you how much better I feel. This is my first time on this site and have only read this conversation. I have been feeling this way since having my son by c-section 17 months ago. Once I stopped breastfeeding at 14 months it did help but not at all like before. I feel SO relieved to know that it is not just me! Thank you all for making me feel so much better.

Krista - posted on 12/04/2009

8

22

0

My drive has been gone for almost 5 years now. After my first son I was still interested, after my second I was a little less interested and after my youngest was born, nearly 5 years ago, sex feels like a chore to check off of my list. Dishes, Laundry, sweep, dust, sex, vaccume. I hope it shows up again someday but for now my sex drive consists of, "We can if you promise to hurry"....ROFL

Lisa - posted on 12/04/2009

3

7

0

Honey yes. Please go to the library and get The Orgasmic Diet. It works. I'm getting mine back because of it.

Andrea - posted on 12/04/2009

1

6

0

I have...After each kid it seems to take awhile to come back....I bought this awesome stuff from pure romance that is a cream you put on an it gets you in the mood!! Maybe try something like that so that at least you enjoy it when your man wants it :) WORKS LIKE A CHARM FOR ME!! :) Good luck...An dont worry being a fulltime mommy can contribute alot to no sex drive!!

Michelle - posted on 12/04/2009

7

2

1

i have nearly 4yr old twins and my sex drive is still not back ive got a very understanding husband we have tried the porn the toys but still not back

Renae - posted on 12/04/2009

2,209

23

156

Are you breast feeding? While breast feeding the hormones in your body that encourage your sex drive are very low. This is also the reason why some women find that sex hurts after a baby. Once you stop breast feeding and your cycle returns to normal you should feel normal again.

Heather - posted on 12/03/2009

85

18

7

I had my son 3 weeks and 5 days ago and I'm already feeling ready!! But thats mostly because my bf knows how to get me goingwe actually tried the other night but it didnt feel good at all my stitiches are gone and everything but it still hurt and he even asked if it was even in so now we've decided to wait a bit longer and he understnads why I wasnt really feeling up to it before!!

User - posted on 12/03/2009

4

0

0

having sex is great for health , relationship and selfsteem, my baby is 8 and a half months and it took me a while to get back to feeling sexual, about a month ago i started...i feel like when u feel better about yourself you feel sexier and you want to have sex, i've been working out and watching my diet..i already lost a big chunk of weight but not all yet, but it did make me feel more sexual to feel like i can tak emy clothes off and not be feeling super bad about my bod, another thing that does it is going to a strip club or watching a video of stripping and get intouch with your womanly sexuality, go shop for some loungery and repeat some of the moves hehe

also you coulsd watch a sensual movie, or even porn?? sorry im really honest haha

it works like a charm, go to the sex shop i dunno! reconnect with your INNER SHE WOLF like shakira says lol we all have it! yes you are a mommy but ur still a woman and a wife, your husband would apreciate this :) and you will too as your selfsteem will rise and your relationship will be happier!

[deleted account]

I have a 3 year old dd and a 3 month old dd. We were not allowed to do anything after finding out I was pregnant with second dd as I was high risk. So 1 year later, 2 babies, both in diapers and no family in my hometown. Well.....let's just say I'm really tired and I feel lucky to lay in bed and rest when it's quiet, LOL! It will all come back, it takes time. You sort of get desensitized when you have a baby, your priorities and worries change. Don't worry about it, laugh and talk about it because those babies grow fast and it will pass. As long as you love each other and have fun (with the entire situation) it will happen and it'll be great. Roll with it!!! Remember they'll be driving before you know it and you think you have problems now, LOL! Good luck and we have all been and still are where you are now. We girls just have to stick together and we will be OK.

Anna - posted on 12/03/2009

12

17

2

Its been 22 months for me and I still don't want to have sex :-P we are trying to have another baby and I get annoyed with it haha

Heather - posted on 12/03/2009

91

27

1

cant say that i did.. within a week of having my son i was ready!! Lol ... except my body wasnt yet... killed me to wait the 6 weeks!

Riche - posted on 12/03/2009

30

22

1

At my annual appointment my Dr. suggested a web site for additional help. Did not know it was for toys & such. That will never happen & I too feel bad for my Husband. I did lose all the weight & I feel good about my body. But I am so not interested, and I just cannot fake it. My marriage is suffering too & I don't know what to do.

Cassandra - posted on 12/03/2009

29

14

0

i lost my sex drive about half way threw my pregnancy, ,y daughter is 6mnths on the 13th of december and it only came back about 2mnths ago, i still feel abot strange about it everynow and then due to the fact that my body isnt wat it used to be...

but everybody is different...

Sarah - posted on 12/03/2009

32

0

1

I'm so glad to read that I'm not alone. After my first daughter (she's 2 1/2 now) I didn't have much sex drive, but usually my husband could be touchy and lovey and I would get in the mood. But since I had our second one a year ago I have NO sex drive, and I usually make an excuse when my husband tries to get me in the mood. I feel so bad for my husband and it causes a lot of problems in our marriage. And Riche LLe I'm like you I look forward for my period because then he can't say that I'm just making an excuse.

Riche - posted on 12/03/2009

30

22

1

I was thinking the same exact thing as Michelle Cacko, seconds before I read that post. Too funny! My little girl is 22 months, and I could care less if I ever had sex again. I actually look forward to my period every month because I KNOW that will give me a valid excuse. Is that messed up or what?

And yes, good luck to all of us.....

Michelle - posted on 12/03/2009

16

13

0

hahaha i need my husband to read this!! to show him that i am not the only one!! lol i sometimes feel bad for him poor guy but its only a fleeting thought! haha

good luck to us all!

Christa - posted on 12/03/2009

583

80

45

I have five young children....timing is always a factor. I agree with an above post about so much of a sex drive for a woman being a mentality issue. However, I think we easily talk ourselves out of it; because we are always so tired. I noticed a huge difference for me when I began talking a multi-vitamin. Do your research before you start taking any vitamin. Make sure you know how absorbable they are, what is actually in them? I take Vitality for Life which are 85% soluble and have made a huge difference in my energy level including my sex drive. I would try vitamins way before I would take a supplement which would probably have another side effect to it.

Summer - posted on 12/03/2009

20

11

0

I am having the same issue. My son is almost 5mos. old. I talked to my OBGYN Dr. and he ordered a blood test for me to see if my hormones had started to go back to normal. I ended up having low testosterone and he gave me a script to see if it will help. I have been using it for the last couple of weeks I still don't feel change but I am holding out hope and I know that my poor husband is too. LOL!!! I would just recommended talking to your Dr and seeing what he has to say.

Gabriella - posted on 12/02/2009

28

13

1

There are many things that you can do to help with this naturally. There are actually foods that you can eat to help bolster your drive and there are natural supplements that you can take, but for women, the sex drive is 90% mental and 10% physical. If your mind is not in it, it's gone. Ladies, we all know this, you can have the best intentions but the smallest things can divert your attention away from the goal.

I highly recommend speaking to your doctor and having your husband with you when you have this conversation if necessary so that they can ask questions as well. Working together on this solidifies that team approach.

The reality for many of us is, we have kids, work (in or out of the house), bills, body image issues, lack of sleep, stress and so many other things that pretty much kill the very thought of intimacy. Talking it out helps a lot, working together helps a lot. Showing your husband that this is important and that you want to work on it helps too.

If any of you reading this want to send a private message to discuss this, I am more than willing to offer any assistance that I can. I know that there are some things within this subject area that may be better covered in private.

Good luck ladies and stay strong!

Morgan - posted on 12/02/2009

68

12

3

I have never had a high sex drive but now with a 3 month old and I'm breastfeeding and my husband puts a lot of pressure on me, I have less than zero. I don't ant to be touched or kissed in that type of setting at all. I'm praying mine will come back before it hurts my marriage!!!

Jeanne - posted on 12/02/2009

31

22

1

Me too. I don't care that much about sex and it makes me feel guilty for not wanting it.

Terrestia - posted on 12/02/2009

403

61

2

yep, sex drive completly gone. I have not got it back and it has been at least two years. I could care less.

Jennifer - posted on 12/02/2009

57

13

2

I lost mine- and I never thought I'd find it again.
If you have babies or toddlers that aren't in school yet, you're exhausted most of the time. My son is 18 months old and I think my sex drive is finally coming back. I'm still not in the mood a lot of the time- but if my hubby can convince me, the sex itself is actually much better than when I was younger.
Trying to please and take care of everyone makes me feel tired and NOT sexy. When I can squeeze in time to take care of myself- take a bath, paint my toenails etc... I feel sexier.
Be patient- nothing kills the mood like putting pressure on yourself, or your husband putting pressure on you. Giving birth and breastfeeding (if you are), all wreak havoc on your hormones. It takes a long time for your body to stabilize again.
There's a light at the end of tunnel- I can see mine. I'm not there yet, but I see it!!!!


http://MommyNaniBooboo.com

Tiffany - posted on 12/02/2009

30

20

6

I think so many of us go through this after having kids, and I honestly can say I have to force myself to just do it anyway the first couple times after having a baby and then after a couple of times it reignites somehow. My husband has been so understanding when I'm not in the mood, but it helps reunite our passion and I feel myself again.

Amanda - posted on 12/02/2009

13

76

1

my youngest is 2 and I still have no sex drive, at least nothing like I use to. I'm just thankful my Hubby is ok with it and not one of those men who need it 2 times a day or they are grouchy! I hope it comes back some day lol

Natasha - posted on 12/02/2009

77

79

12

It is hard in our busy lives to find the time....but make time....I find the more I get it the more I want...! We found that each partner has a week ( one week me and the other week him and so on) where they are in charge of the theme, play etc...your mind start going wild with ideas and one canno't wait for that "date". It does not have to be every night but see how you feel...and with children one has to be a bit flexible...but it does work....one must just make the time for the two people that started of in the relationship in the first place!!!

The more sex you have the more wanted you feel and sexy you will feel aswell!!! Hope that all of you get your GROOVE back it is important!!!

Lisa - posted on 12/01/2009

13

19

1

lol! i feel the same way. I had three c sections in two years and i am wondering what sex is too lol! mine comes and goes and comes and goes. I guess it's all part of being a woman. oh yeah you can message me at lisarkearney on yahoo messenger and we can chat sometime. It would be nice to be friends with you and maybe end up to be really close true friends. i hope to chat with you soon. God bless. Lisa Kearney

Lisa - posted on 12/01/2009

13

19

1

Yes i know exactly what you mean. i am experiencing that now. my husband and i only have sex once every couple of months. it does come back, just give it time. I am waiting for mine to come back. you can message me at lisarkearney on yahoo messenger if you ever want to chat sometime. God bless.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms