[deleted account] ( 8 moms have responded )

My 3 year old screams I HATE YOU all the time to anyone who upsets her. I'm tired of hearing. Tired of explaining that it isn't nice to say that. Any ideas on how I can get her to stop saying this?


Kate CP - posted on 05/03/2009




Does she really know what the meaning of "hate" is? She probably hears it a lot "Oh, I hate diet soda" "I hate it when people cut in line". She probably mistakes the word "hate" for being upset or angry. I would try helping her express her feelings a little better. The next time she says "I hate you" pause for a moment and converse with her "You're angry. Hate is a very strong word and people use it too much. Try saying you're angry instead. People may listen to you better." And respond to her more when she uses more appropriate terms to express her frustration.

Michelle - posted on 05/03/2009




Sometimes the bigger fuss made over it causes them to do it all that much more. You can try to ingore it or you can try time outs. I know opposite things right but every child is different. Put her on a time out chair for 3 min.( a min.for every year of age)


View replies by

Devon - posted on 05/07/2009




When she gets upset just tell her that "you can be upset but i would like it if you didn't use that word". or tell her that if she uses that word ever again that she is going to have serious consequences. my daughters use to use that word all the time when they would get upset and i would tell them the same thing or i would tell them instead of saying that word just say that " i am angry or mad" and it worked. they no longer use the 'hate' word. good luck and hope it works out for you

Heather - posted on 05/06/2009




When you tell her that you don't like it, explain why and how it makes you or orther poeple feel when she say it. Sometimes, even though she's 3, children use words they have heard but do not truely know the meaning of the word. So explain it and tell her how it make you feel so she can understand better. Also, give her words to use instead. When she says " I hate You" you say, " I don't like that, it makes feel sad beacuse I love you." Then tell her what she can say instead, " You may say I need some space right now or PLEASE leave me alone." But really stress that she needs to remain calm and in control of her own emotions, encourage her to move away from other frineds or adults when she feels stressed or like she needs space.

Rachel - posted on 05/05/2009




Dont react emotionally, dont raise your voice. Calmly look at her, and tell her that she may not say that and that the consequence of saying that is to get a time out or a spanking. Ignore it without letting her get away with it...if that makes sense. she is doing it for the attention she gets from it. Give her as little attention for it as you can, but also let her know that there are negative consequences for her actions.

Angie - posted on 05/04/2009




"Hate" is a word that we simply don't allow in our home, along with stupid, dumb etc. As Autumn said, just tell her, "I'm sorry you feel that way" and then add, "but that is not a nice word and we no longer allow it in our home".

[deleted account]

I like Michelle and Kate's suggestions. Try them and if they don't work, just tell her, "I'm sorry you feel that way." And continue on with whatever you were doing. she may just be trying to get a reaction or get her way. I remember telling my mom that hoping that she would let me have my way....well, actually I would accuse her of hating me, but close enough. She use to tell me "I'm sorry you feel that way." And I eventually stopped.

[deleted account]

Thank you ladies. Some great ideas. She does say it out of anger and probably doesn't know why she is using those words. She has a terrible temper so I hear it so often. She also hits when she is mad. I tell her all the time that it is ok to be mad but it is not ok to hit someone. So giving her other words to use might help.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms