Have you ever??

Christina - posted on 11/19/2009 ( 36 moms have responded )

13

8

0

My babys dad tell me all the time that being a stay at home mom is not a hard job. I have tried to tell him over and over that its not as easy as he thinks. You have to clean house, wash clothes, cook supper, take care of the baby, watch every single move they make and the list goes on and on. Wel this one day him and I got into a arguement and he told me that I dont pay any bills so I have no say so what goes on in our house. I want to get a job, but there would be no use because my whole paycheck would go towards day care. I have you ever been told that by your partner?? If so do you still think about those words?? How do you handel the situtation?? What can I say to make him understand where im coming from??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Julie - posted on 11/19/2009

19

27

1

I am sorry you have to be treated that way. It is just a result of plain ignorance. Put the ball back in his court. Tell him that you want to be an "equal" partner and go back to work. Then tell him that it is important for you both to sit down and look at what will need to be worked out with you now working. I would suggest a large calendar so you can clearly mark down what days you are going to make dinner and what days he is going to make dinner. What weeks he is going to wash, fold and put away laundry and what days you are. Same with grocery shopping, daycare drop off, dishes, garbage, etc. Then since you will both be working you will need to sit down and work out a budget. Daycare is not solely your responsibility he will have to contribute to it also. Once he realizes all the responsibilities that he will have to now pick up maybe his attitude will change. If he isn't your husband yet, I would suggest putting off the wedding till this type of thing is resolved. Don't ever let someone tell you that you aren't worth something or not important in matters of the home.

Candice - posted on 11/23/2009

16

30

0

My husband didn't realize how difficult it was until I made plans for a girls night out and spent the weekend away and he had to take care of our son. Maybe set up a situation where your babys Dad will be soley responsible for baby and home for a night or two so he can appreciate what it is that you do everyday.

Jean - posted on 11/23/2009

36

23

1

Quoting Lisa:

What exactly does he do? If he is a coal miner or a farmer or in construction or a shrimp fisherman, he is probably right. Even if he works in an office, he's got a boss to please or a crew to manage. I mean we work indoors, no one gives us a performance review and there isn't (much) heavy lifting! So maybe he is thinking that you don't work physically as hard as he does. You are never going to win this argument. The trick is to change the subject.



Alas, I can't agree to this at all.  Stay at home mothers do have bosses to please, they're called kids and are usually a lot more difficult to please than management (they can also fall under the crew to manage bit too).  I don't always get to work indoors, there are yard duties, laundry to be hung outside, trips to the doctor for my youngest, groceries to be picked up, and no, I don't have a car, so hail, rain or shine, it has to be done on foot.  Hiking a 2 1/2 year old around, draggng baskets of laundry in and out of the house and trying to maneuver my double stroller around can easily count as heavy lifting in my opinion.  Someone once took the time to figure out how much a housewife would make if all her skills were paid for, and I can tell you, we'd all be worth a fortune if we were paid for what we do.



Hon, ask him for a break some weekend, tell him that you're going to let the house and kids to him and that you're going out shopping or Christmas, to meet friends for a coffee, and tell him that you'll be home in time for dinner.  Point out the pile of laundry in the corner and tell him that it has to be done or his work clothes won't be ready for Monday morning.  Leave the breakfast wash up stacked next to the sink.  After a day of dealing with meal times, washing, laundering, dealing with melt downs and trying to fix dinner all at the same time, he might have a little more respect for all the hard work you put in. 



Saying that, it might help the stuation a little more if you do acknowledge that he's a good partner to give you the opportunity to stay at home.  I'm a stay at home mother too, I hated working when my son was very young so I really appreciate having the chance to stay home now, while my daughter is this small.  Once he's shown a little appreciation for you, always reciprocate!

[deleted account]

Hello, Christina,
I'm a stay at home mom, too, and I know that whole list you made of everything we have to do to keep the house and our families in order!
I wanted to share with you:
My husband and I just recently were sent a life-insurance suggestion from our car insurance company - for me, the stay-at-home mom.
In the list of reasons it would be good to have life insurance for me, the homemaker, there was a list of services that the typical homemaker provides, as well as what it would cost us if we had to hire others to provide those services. All in all, adding up child care provider, book keeper, laundry and housecleaning, it added up to nearly (don't quote me, it don't have it in front of me) $50,000 per year. That's how much you're worth to your family financially. But being emotionally, physically present to your children is a great gift that no other person can provide. If raising your own child isn't special, nothing is! Perhaps you could present your husband with some suggestions for making being a stay-at-home mom easier for you: If you feel loved and appreciated for the sacrifices you make everyday, it will be easier for you to get out of bed and serve him and your children everyday. Don't forget that your husband needs to feel appreciated for the work he does for your family, too. You both need to be giving 100% or neither of you are going to be happy.

Rachael - posted on 11/19/2009

12

7

1

Not in so many words, but yes i have felt the "conotation" believe me!
Sometimes this differing of opinion shall we say, is more about feeling appreciated, acknowledgd and valued as an important contributing member of the overall family / home function, than about who does what and how much effort it takes.

Sometimes it's more important to remind EACHOTHER and focus on the fact that both ROLES are as important as the other. Not about money, time or difficulty but its about how one half of all your lives would fail misserably if one was to cease holding up their end!
Money is important to hold up the material side of life, And home maintenance, child nurturing, prepared nourishment, & general hygene are vitaly important for staying alive & healthy along with maintaning basic mental & emotional equilibrium.
Tell him THAT!

Ps, also show him that you appreciate & value his role WITHOUT wanting it back in that moment, sometimes a mans ego needs to be stroked before they are actually able to be open enough to see how much you do - its a defect!

Or you could go on strike, do only for you & baby - - - but be prepared to hold up your own financial end incase he pulls the same strings!

36 Comments

View replies by

Danielle - posted on 11/24/2009

128

17

14

Challenge him to a day of being mom. Since he thinks it's no big deal, he shouldn't mind. The truth about it is (a lot of the time), they know it and don't want to do it. Make him out his schedule for the day w/ everything you do on a daily basis and see if he goes for it. Probably won't, but at least he has seen what you do in black & white, and maybe be a little more understanding. You can't do it in anger! It has to be in a loving & kind attitude. Good luck.

Miranda - posted on 11/24/2009

62

35

7

Quoting Lisa:

What exactly does he do? If he is a coal miner or a farmer or in construction or a shrimp fisherman, he is probably right. Even if he works in an office, he's got a boss to please or a crew to manage. I mean we work indoors, no one gives us a performance review and there isn't (much) heavy lifting! So maybe he is thinking that you don't work physically as hard as he does. You are never going to win this argument. The trick is to change the subject.

Try an experiment. Have you ever thanked him for how hard he works so that you can stay home and take care of the kids? Gush a little. Tell him that not every woman has a man who loves her so much that he is willing to support her while she raises the children. If he brings up how easy you have it, kiss him on the cheek and say that you could NEVER work as hard as he does.

Sometimes, the problem isn't that he doesn't respect you. It's more that he feels like he is underappreciated. Poor thing!

If you keep it up, a real man will have a whole new appreciation for your efforts. After all, you think HE'S wonderful. So you must be a very smart woman who knows what she's talking about!


I agree! You have to have an open heart and an open mind but this might be the best way to go about it! You have got to understand that an argument is not going to make things change. He is your babys father, so you have to meet somewhere, not just have him meet you or you meet him. This is the best thing I personally think you could do for the both of you.



There is nothing wrong with the way you feel, I absoultuly understand... some of this is kind of harsh... but it is the way to go about it, in a rational way.



Good luck!!

Alittletigger20 - posted on 11/24/2009

23

8

8

i just read a book by dr laura and it is an ode to sahms we work hard!!!

Abi - posted on 11/24/2009

4

21

0

let him be you for one day on his day off you go out leave him a list of everything to do such as clean up cook ect ect but dont mentotion the baby when he relisese he has 100 things to do and a baby to look after he will understand

Rebekah - posted on 11/24/2009

16

13

0

My husband says that all of the time until I leave for an hour or two and leave him with the baby. I even asked him to make dinner one night while I went and got something that we needed that night. So he was left at home with the baby, and in charge of dinner for one night. When I came home all he could do was bitch about how she started crying or fussing right in the middle when he was doing something and it made him burn the bread.....I just laughed my butt off. I told him to try doing that all day every day, after not getting more then 4 hours of consecutive sleep for the last 6 weeks.

[deleted account]

everything you just wrote sounds like me an my b/f except for the part about not paying any bills or having say-so in anything , want my advise ignore him , most men dont understand but what you could do to try to get him to understand is wake up one saturday morning an leave your house by 8am but before you leave write a list of everything you do an tell him it needs to be done by the time you get home an then go out for the day an be back by 5pm an then if your lucky by the tiome you get back home he will have a new understanding or you an everyrthing you do

Hilary - posted on 11/23/2009

10

21

0

When my husband starts getting like that I first remind him that I'm raising PEOPLE!!! This is not a job to take lightly. If you want a job done right then you have to do it yourself. Then I remind him how much I appreciate that he works so hard to allow ME to be the one to have this unpaid position and still have the time to cook, clean... ect... And I also usually say that unfortunately he doesn't make quite enough $ for us to have a magic house so when it looks the same as it did when he left in the morning when he gets home - that's all me :)
Also sometimes men are just crabby and need sex. Generally works like a charm.

Lisa - posted on 11/23/2009

113

19

21

Quoting Jean:



Quoting Lisa:

What exactly does he do? If he is a coal miner or a farmer or in construction or a shrimp fisherman, he is probably right. Even if he works in an office, he's got a boss to please or a crew to manage. I mean we work indoors, no one gives us a performance review and there isn't (much) heavy lifting! So maybe he is thinking that you don't work physically as hard as he does. You are never going to win this argument. The trick is to change the subject.






Alas, I can't agree to this at all.  Stay at home mothers do have bosses to please, they're called kids and are usually a lot more difficult to please than management (they can also fall under the crew to manage bit too).  I don't always get to work indoors, there are yard duties, laundry to be hung outside, trips to the doctor for my youngest, groceries to be picked up, and no, I don't have a car, so hail, rain or shine, it has to be done on foot.  Hiking a 2 1/2 year old around, draggng baskets of laundry in and out of the house and trying to maneuver my double stroller around can easily count as heavy lifting in my opinion.  Someone once took the time to figure out how much a housewife would make if all her skills were paid for, and I can tell you, we'd all be worth a fortune if we were paid for what we do.






I think you misunderstand me.  In my experience, getting into a "who works harder" argument with a man isn't going to go anywhere - ever.  No matter what you say to them, its very unlikely that you can convince them that what you do is HARDER as what they do.  



For example, sahms work more hours and have more tedious/repetative tasks, but they have the ability to take breaks whenever they need to, schedule in play time, meet a friend for lunch, put the laundry off and go to the park, etc.  Not many men have jobs that give them that kind of freedom.  It looks more like fun than work to them.  They envy us. 



The REAL GOAL is to convince the man in your life that you do a different kind of work that is both ESSENTIAL and of EQUAL VALUE to what he does.  THAT is where the discussion needs to go.



A lot of the responses in this thread involve threatening and ultimatums and other things that aren't likely to result in happy endings.  I've found that it's a lot easier to get my point across (or whatever I want) with sweetness.



In my experience, men who start this discussion are fishing for compliments.  Nothing makes a man happier than to be told how much his wife appreciates how hard he works for the family.  If you want him to treat you like a partner, don't get into an "I work harder than you do" competition with him.  Bowl him over with love and affection while sweetly reminding him that he would never get by without you.



And if someone's got a husband who is behaving like a manager trying to give her a performance review (instead of a supportive partner) she's got MUCH BIGGER problems on her hands than this.  

Leslie - posted on 11/22/2009

58

12

4

Yes, I have heard that and I simply told him, Since the day we said I do everything you own or have became mine. Your pay check, this house, your truck, and your fishing gear, if you don't like it there's the door. Also it is a man's job to support and take care of his family, even though this day and age us women tend to take care of ourselves. I also quit cooking for him, washing his clothes, and having sex with him. I said you want things back to normal than you will either pay me or accept that we are both equal in this. I also through in he had to pay me half of taking care of the kids and cleaning the house. He realized he made a mistake saying that to me and apologized. A year later he stayed home while I worked and I rubbed what he said in his face and once again he apologized.

Jessica - posted on 11/22/2009

11

18

1

i know eactly how you feel. my bf just got a job for the first time and hes 20 years old. but he has been working with his grandpa here and there to make some money. but he tells me the same things and even worse things. once he told me if i left him i would have nothing without him. cuz i am a stay at home mom as well with a 15 month old and a 2 month old. no job,no car, nothing and he knows it. i also want to get a job because the money he does make he BLOWS it on stupid stuff. he doesnt even pay for diapers his moms does! i always put my babies first. if i left him alone wit the babies i dont think he would know what to do. ive actually been feeling my lowest lately .. but where i live they have a program called CANI and it pays for childcare or daycare. so that would probably help .. and you could leave him with the babies for a day and see what you go through for a change.

Heather - posted on 11/22/2009

25

73

4

have him stay at home with the baby for a day or two and explain to him what you would have done by the time he gets home from work and take a day for yourself. and hopefully when you return he realizes what you do on a day to day basis and that will change is out look. i also agree with the person (people) that said to make a list and show him how many things he would have pick up to keep the house and family up.

Petra - posted on 11/22/2009

29

0

1

My husband used to have the same opinion of stay at home home moms until we had two kids. Your partner needs a reality check, let him take care of the baby and the house for a day and you go off with a friend and do something fun. Stay at home moms work the equivalent of 2 full time jobs. If he had to pay you for everything you do, he couldn't afford you. Don't let somebody else make you feel like you're not contributing to your family or that you're less worthy because you're not working outside the home.

Emily - posted on 11/22/2009

8

18

0

Mine has said that and i went away for a week and left my oldest one with him. It was the first day of sschool and he had to get him ready. He now hos a little bit of understanding. I wonder what he would have said and done if i left both the 6 and 2 year old with him.

Shealan - posted on 11/22/2009

11

23

0

I have gone through the same situation!! I basically got a parttime job on the days he was off and he had to watch the baby. After my first day of working when he picked me up from work ( we had 2 kids at the time) he looked at me and said, Okay I now understand I am sorry! So maybe u should get a parttime job (work days he is off) or just go out and make him take care of the baby and all the work. Then maybe he will appreciate your job a little more.

Beacuase lets be truthful here what we do as stay at home moms is hard work. We just dont get paid in cash to do it . Good luck!!

Kim - posted on 11/22/2009

1

12

0

I am a stay at home mom of 3 kids. Before my husband and I started having kids we both agreed that I would stay home with the kids. We both felt that was very important and beneficial to the kids. It sounds like you both our not on the same page and your husband does not realize what a great gift u are giving to your child by being there with him/her rather than someone else raising your kid. There have been a few times I have been sick and my husband took off work to watch the kids while I rested and let me tell you, he knows how hard it is and what I go thru and everytime he has to do it, he always says, "I don't know how you do it". It sounds like to me, you and your husband need to get on the same page and decide what is most important for your family.

Stayc - posted on 11/22/2009

19

25

0

I Think Your Partner Is Being Selfish And Should'nt Treat You That Way, I Think Its A Full Time Job Staying At Home And Looking After My Son Yes Its Hard Work I Agree, Sometimes I Dont Feel Appriecated For All I Do. I Am Going To Wait Til My Son's In School To Either Go To Work Or Full Time Eduacation .

Jane - posted on 11/21/2009

1,488

32

227

you are a family. you have equal say. he may tell you those things because he does not get appreciated at work and he has the pressure of making the money. maybe you two need more time one-on-one. you're also a home maker so you aren't only a stay at home mom, you take care of him as well (meals, laundry) just as he takes care of you by bringing in the money. nobody can do it all alone and when you are a family, you aren't supposed to do it all alone. everyone has their role and that is what puts the pieces together. if you are happy being home, then don't look for a job. if you two sit down and do the finances and it turns out you do need to get a job, worry about it then, but don't worry about it b/c you feel a job will give you equal say. what you do is important and what he does is important. maybe he just needs to feel, as my husband puts it, "like a king". so i make sure i make him coffee in the morning before he walks out the door and on the weekends i make him breakfast. little things. if he isn't feeling appreciated, he's not going to come home and shower you with appreciation. i love being home and a lot of time i forget how much pressure my husband is under to keep it so that i can stay at home and we can keep our kids close to us.
do what's right for your *family* don't react by finding a job and then being unhappy not being at home raising your child. concentrate on what you both can do to make you both feel the worth you bring to the table while you are raising your family the way you want to raise them.

Jamie - posted on 11/21/2009

23

23

1

Staying at home is so much harder than it looks. My husband acutally respects whatI do at home and is very supportive. I also workd from hom and have a home based business that is begining to supplement my income from my job. If you would be interested in bringing in some money and still being able to stay at home, please feel free to let me know and we can discuss it further.

Linda - posted on 11/21/2009

11

5

0

unfortunately im the other way....im a stay at home mum but i have given my partner such a hard time recently as i feel he isnt giving me the support that i felt i needed. he works 6 nights a week but i still i'd complain that he wasnt pulling his weight around the house. it got to the point where we discussed him leaving before i admitted i was lonely and isolated and felt put upon. i realised it was me that was putting pressure on myself. he didnt mind if the carpets hadnt been hoovered...i did! i really looked at my partner and saw how tired he was from working long hrs trying to support his family. staying up in the mornings so he could spend time with his son before going to bed.
we were both doing our own thing to support our family and both had our own struggles and difficulites. it was only when we sat and talked about them that we realised this. now when we spend time as a family we both appriciate it and i now notice what he does for me and my son.
you both need to sit down and talk about things. he may have problems at work or worrying about money etc and his way of dealing with them is to take it out on you, as i was doing with my partner. he may be jealious that you get to spend so much time with ur baby whilst he has to go to work

Cara - posted on 11/21/2009

120

16

23

Quoting Carol:

Wow, does this bring up memories. My mom was told the same thing for my entire childhood. Nothing she's done has impressed my dad. She raised 4 of us and stayed home until my twin and I (the youngest) were 14. None of us drink excessively, smoke, or have ever tried drugs. All 4 of us are productive members of society. Then she got a job to put my older sister through college. She still found the time to see all 3 seasons of sports I played, numerous clubs we were all in, still do all the cooking, cleaning, etc. She went to college when my twin and I did and graduated with a computer engineering degree. She kicks ass. My dad still says that she had no ambition and the engineering classes were easier than his because he had to do analog and everything's digital now. Thank God they got a divorce and he married the last of a string of bimbos he cheated on my mom with. (Now, without kids - my stepmom has quit her job to keep house and he supports her!!!)

The reason I drag all this up is that either your boyfriend needs to change his mind or you need to get out now! Do not wait 31 years like my mom did. If he does not value you, why do you think that he will respect you enough to be faithful or even stick by you if things get worse? I'm assuming that the decision to stay home was a mutual decision? If so, you entered into your JOB (24/7 with no vacation or sick days allowed) with his consent and he needs to back you as much as you back him. I agree with other responses that the respect has to be both ways. Make sure that you thank him for his contribution. Counseling would be ideal even if only you go. Good luck



That story sounds like my mothers. When I decided to become a stay at home mom she was worried. My husband was the same way until I got really sick and he had to take over. I was on bedrest for 6 weeks before my third daughter was born. He stayed home for most of it because he had lotsof vaction and sick leave saved up.



Try changing roles for a weekend. Or start waking him up to take care of a sick little one. Make him realize that your job never stops. You don't get a break for being sick or because your tired, or stressed. He has to realize you work to. Maybe not heavy lifting or pleasing a boss. Your job is even harder sometimes because you don't have just one person to impress. You have him, your child, and everyone that thinks your job is easy.



By the way after that six weeks my husband realizes it not easy. He helps me all the time now.

Lena - posted on 11/20/2009

171

1

26

I dont even understand why men would think such a thing? That is absolutely ridiculous... maybe you should leave him with your child for a whole and let him see how it is. And I am sure he is NOT gonna be able to take it..

Janna - posted on 11/20/2009

24

9

4

go on strike, or leave him w/ the baby on his day off w/ out preparing him first. see what he has to say after his multitasking skills are put to the test.

Kelsey - posted on 11/20/2009

1

20

0

I totally understand where you are coming from. There are many times I wish I had a job so I felt like I was "earning my keep". Then I realize how much I enjoy staying at home and being able to do so even if it means I never have my own money. I have a wonderful mother-in-law that reminds me many times that I do have a job and that taking care of a family is a lot of work. I think you need to just hang in there and if you can make it work to stay at home, do it. You can always go back to work after the kids start school so you won't be forking out every penny for daycare. Also, every stay at home mom needs some sort of a break sometime. Be sure to communicate this need with him.

Laura - posted on 11/20/2009

3

7

0

plan a day out for yourself and get your partner to look after the baby then he will know how hard it is and if he tells you to come home cause he handle it stick to your ground
i have that problem but i work and when im off i get insulted take it like a pinch of salt theyre men at the end of the day

Carol - posted on 11/20/2009

371

6

80

Wow, does this bring up memories. My mom was told the same thing for my entire childhood. Nothing she's done has impressed my dad. She raised 4 of us and stayed home until my twin and I (the youngest) were 14. None of us drink excessively, smoke, or have ever tried drugs. All 4 of us are productive members of society. Then she got a job to put my older sister through college. She still found the time to see all 3 seasons of sports I played, numerous clubs we were all in, still do all the cooking, cleaning, etc. She went to college when my twin and I did and graduated with a computer engineering degree. She kicks ass. My dad still says that she had no ambition and the engineering classes were easier than his because he had to do analog and everything's digital now. Thank God they got a divorce and he married the last of a string of bimbos he cheated on my mom with. (Now, without kids - my stepmom has quit her job to keep house and he supports her!!!)

The reason I drag all this up is that either your boyfriend needs to change his mind or you need to get out now! Do not wait 31 years like my mom did. If he does not value you, why do you think that he will respect you enough to be faithful or even stick by you if things get worse? I'm assuming that the decision to stay home was a mutual decision? If so, you entered into your JOB (24/7 with no vacation or sick days allowed) with his consent and he needs to back you as much as you back him. I agree with other responses that the respect has to be both ways. Make sure that you thank him for his contribution. Counseling would be ideal even if only you go. Good luck

Sarah - posted on 11/20/2009

36

3

1

It's not really an argument that can be won, because it's relative. Yes, it is hard to stay at home, and sometimes the grass is greener for the parent who goes to work. But you know what? Sometimes, the parent who checks out of the house for 8 hours sees staying at home as being greener. No one is right, and no one is wrong. It's about mutual respect for the roles that you each fulfill. Easier said than done, especially when I'm dealing with tantrums, dinner prep, bathtime, and bedtime while he's 'decompressing' after a hard day at the office! But we talk it out, and we keep things in the open, and don't allow it to fester. Keep talking to each other!

Christi - posted on 11/19/2009

1,038

34

75

Quoting Lisa:

What exactly does he do? If he is a coal miner or a farmer or in construction or a shrimp fisherman, he is probably right. Even if he works in an office, he's got a boss to please or a crew to manage. I mean we work indoors, no one gives us a performance review and there isn't (much) heavy lifting! So maybe he is thinking that you don't work physically as hard as he does. You are never going to win this argument. The trick is to change the subject.

Try an experiment. Have you ever thanked him for how hard he works so that you can stay home and take care of the kids? Gush a little. Tell him that not every woman has a man who loves her so much that he is willing to support her while she raises the children. If he brings up how easy you have it, kiss him on the cheek and say that you could NEVER work as hard as he does.

Sometimes, the problem isn't that he doesn't respect you. It's more that he feels like he is underappreciated. Poor thing!

If you keep it up, a real man will have a whole new appreciation for your efforts. After all, you think HE'S wonderful. So you must be a very smart woman who knows what she's talking about!



I'm sorry but I don't think that is the case at all. My husband holds it over my head that he is the one that supports the family. The only reason I am not working is that I cannot find a job that would cover the costs of day care and I am sorry, but having a boss to perform for is nothing compared to having to raise a child alone all day. I would kill to have the adult interaction that my husband has on a daily basis. I am not saying I do not love being at home with my son, but I do do more in the relationship, I think most moms do. He goes to work for eight hours and does his job and then comes home to relax. When do we get a break? Even after the eight hour work day is over, we are still cleaning house and doing dishes and laundry and making sure the money goes towards the bills. And we do have reviews, it's called a husband. And in this situation we are always going to fail our reviews in his eyes.

Christi - posted on 11/19/2009

1,038

34

75

unfortunately my husband told me the same thing. it got so bad i was considering divorce because i felt like i was no longer his wife, but his slave. one day after he had come home and i was sick and had not gotten to the laundry or dinner, he started yelling at me and i told him fine. you think it is easy being me so you know what, have fun. i arranged for him to take a week off of work and do my job. the cleaning, laundry, cooking, child rearing, shopping, doctors, making sure the money paid the bills, everything. he lasted one night. i came home like i had been working and ripped it to him like he does to me. he tried to back out after one night but i told him that he was going to do it for a full week. it really changed his perspective and if any time he feels the need to start that whole ordeal again, i remind him that he gets to check out for eight hours, i am here in the mix twenty four seven and i remind him of the week he spent playing house mommy. try this and i hope it works, really.

Marie - posted on 11/19/2009

27

14

2

My husband has said that before, and although he only half meant it and knows how hard it can be, it makes me so angry at him! I got a day organizer, the kind that breaks down the day by the hour, and wrote down everything I did that day when I did it. Your right the list goes on and on and maybe he needs to see it! You may not pay the bills but you take care of your family, and make sure he realizes that includes him! He wears the clothes you wash and eats the food you cooked and washes in the tub you cleaned. We might not get payed in cash for what we do but we keep our world running and that is a very important job.

Sophia - posted on 11/19/2009

22

21

6

Im reading a book right now called Stay Home Stay Happy and she talks about this and kind of things to deal with it and people thinking you dont work hard etc. Because we DO work hard!!! :)

Lisa - posted on 11/19/2009

113

19

21

What exactly does he do? If he is a coal miner or a farmer or in construction or a shrimp fisherman, he is probably right. Even if he works in an office, he's got a boss to please or a crew to manage. I mean we work indoors, no one gives us a performance review and there isn't (much) heavy lifting! So maybe he is thinking that you don't work physically as hard as he does. You are never going to win this argument. The trick is to change the subject.



Try an experiment. Have you ever thanked him for how hard he works so that you can stay home and take care of the kids? Gush a little. Tell him that not every woman has a man who loves her so much that he is willing to support her while she raises the children. If he brings up how easy you have it, kiss him on the cheek and say that you could NEVER work as hard as he does.



Sometimes, the problem isn't that he doesn't respect you. It's more that he feels like he is underappreciated. Poor thing!



If you keep it up, a real man will have a whole new appreciation for your efforts. After all, you think HE'S wonderful. So you must be a very smart woman who knows what she's talking about!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms