Have you made a will yet?

Shannintipton - posted on 07/04/2011 ( 27 moms have responded )

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How many of you have made a will? Or even selected someone to take care of your kids, God forbid anything should happen to both of you? Just wondering. Thank you.

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[deleted account]

That is right, Heather. Some states will accept a notarized letter in place of a will, which could be a less expensive option, when it comes to custody. You would need to write up the letter and take it to a notary public where you, your husband or father of your children, and the people you named to take custody of your children would sign it in front of the notary. It would not stipulate anything but custody though--all money issues would have to be handled through life insurance, a will, or a trust, and even then, your family could fight it, but it would probably hold up in court and assure your cousin get's custody of your kids. Check for the specifics of your state though.

[deleted account]

I'm amazed how many do not have a will in place. PLEASE don't put it off any longer--in most US states, if you do not have a will that states who will take custody of your children, the state will decide and the family has little to no say in what they decide. Even if you have named a beneficiary in a life insurance policy, that does not take the place of an actual will.

[deleted account]

Yes, we have one. I created mine when I started my company, for company liability reasons, it was modified when we were wed, hubs didn't have one, and has been modified three times since then--once after I sold my companies, once right after we conceived, and again after J was born b/c I changed my mind on who would get him.

It is always a work in progress, it can be changed and modified anytime, so it's not a big deal if it is not perfect--I think a lot of people put them off because they think it is overwhelming. The cost of making changes is minimal, and we have a great lawyer, so most can be made over the phone, then we just have to go in and sign a few papers. Our lawyer also helped us make sure we didn't leave any gaps and all bases were covered.

As for the wife who doesn't know her husband's will....that would be a major issue for me. All of the changes in our will have to be approved by both of us, so we are both fully informed. You are his wife, so you should have access to it. If he used a lawyer, just go to the lawyer and request a copy.

Michelle - posted on 07/04/2011

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We haven't yet but we've been working on it for a couple of years. We did have to appoint guardians with our life insurance policy. Some combination of a lack of time, not completely agreeing on some of the details, and recent massive changes in our life have left it unfinished. But hopefully soon. It's pretty bad that we haven't but the way the life insurance stuff is handled if we both die I have appointed my mom to handle the money and the kids.

Nikki - posted on 07/04/2011

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My husband and I have because we want our children to be provided for and taken care of. It's just a nice comfort for your frame of mind...don't have to worry about where the kids will go and if they'll have what they need. Good luck!

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Jennifer - posted on 07/08/2011

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Yes we both have ours done. I would not be comfortable not knowing what would happen to my kids. We don’t have a lot of money for people to fight over, but it would be a fight over the kids.

[deleted account]

Nope. If my ex dies before I do.... then I'll get a will. Otherwise, there's no point cuz if I die before they turn 18.... he gets them whether I like it or not. It's my 'life insurance policy' that I can't die for another 15 years. ;)

Heather - posted on 07/08/2011

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Kelly, thank you - you've given me great information. I'm inspired to get on this ASAP!

Tamara - posted on 07/07/2011

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We havent yet, I also keep saying we have to just keep forgetting about it when we have time. Plus I have No clue who would take the kids, No one could handle Jeffery, Both our parents aren't in good heath, his sister has 5 already and my brother well he is not a really nice person and won't lift a finger for me or my kids.

Amie - posted on 07/07/2011

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We have. In the event that we both die before our kids are adults all of our belongings (including anything monetary wise) and kids go to my brother. Our life insurance is more than enough to make sure he is financially set for multiple children. He is also ok with it.

It wasn't weird when we talked to him. We told him what we were doing and that we wanted to talk to him. I think he knew then what we were going to ask him.

He's great with our children and loves them as his own. His ideas on parenting match our own. He lived with us for 4 years and knows how much they can be to handle but still didn't shy away. All parties are happy and secure with our decision.

Elfrieda - posted on 07/07/2011

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I think the hardest part is choosing who would get your kids. That's why we haven't done it yet. Before my son was born, I thought maybe I'd like my sister to get him, but now that he's born and I pay more attention to these things, I would like him and any future children to go to my husband's oldest brother and his wife. I really like the way they're raising their kids, who are a little older and a little younger than my son. Now to ask them... how do you bring up a topic like this anyway?

User - posted on 07/07/2011

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Last year we were going on a trip to the Bahamas for our 10 year anniversary. I said I wouldn't go unless we did one as were were not taking the kids. We did and I feel so relieved. Just because you say out loud who you want, doesn't mean anything. They become a product of the state especially if people are going to start arguing about them. relatives may say to your face they would never do that, but I've seen way to many cases that when the children are left behind everyone starts saying different things. We also got life insurance policies as my husband decided to get a motorcycle. It is a tough decision to decide who you want to leave your children with. Every other day I want to change the will, but what's done is done. Good luck and I hope you do it sooner rather than later. It is something you both will have to seriously talk about and agree on.

[deleted account]

we did, it was one of the last things we did before my son was born. we made it fairly generic so it won't have to be changed as we ahve more children, etc. it scared me to think that there are less nice people who our children are related to who mighttry to take them just to get the money if something were to happen to us.

Jennifer - posted on 07/06/2011

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You should tell him that it only right that you know exactly what is in the will and that keeping secrets in a marriage is fast track to divorce down the road.

Heather - posted on 07/06/2011

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My husband and I have life insurance policies that were put into place prior to the boys being born, but have yet to get a will drawn up. I emailed information to my cousin regarding the boys care should something happen to the both of us (that she and her husband take the boys). My cousin and her husband are in Oregon, my husband and I live in California. So if my CA family (who live near us and spend a fair amount of time with the boys) fights my cousin for the boys, it sounds like even though I officially emailed her our intentions, it's not "legal" enough to mean anything and they could ultimately get the boys despite my wishes? Wow...

Wendy - posted on 07/06/2011

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I dont get it ither! We do trust one another fully but just dont know why or what he is keeping from me if anything. what should I do?

[deleted account]

WOW! If my husband did something like that there would be a SERIOUS conversation about trust! What in the world could he have in it that he doesnt want you to know! Do you have a good marriage outside of that?

Jennifer - posted on 07/06/2011

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Sorry forgot to respond fully - of course you have the right to know - you're the wife!! The mom doesn't have any business in it unless you both feel comfortable with her knowing everything. Again, why would keep it a secret from you? Are there other things he doesn't want to tell you? I don't get it...

Jennifer - posted on 07/06/2011

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Why in the world would your husband not tell you what is in his will? My husband and I did our planning through a Christian organization who helped us to set up a revocable trust. We got it all done and everyone who needs a copy of it has it, including our advanced directives. You can do it online also at legalzoom.com but check your state laws about whether you have to record it for it to be legal. You don't want some stranger deciding what will happen to your money and your children if something happens to you.

Wendy - posted on 07/06/2011

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honestly, it hasnt crossed my mind but my husband has one and wont tell me what his will is :( I dont know anything about his will and Im worried. His mom is the only one who knows. Im very aggrivated by it so much and I think I have the right to know. I ask him about it and all he says is that, its taken care of. I wonder..... I dont know where to start? Can anybody help this mommy? thankyou

Elfrieda - posted on 07/05/2011

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Man, now you reminded me again. That NEEDS to be done soon. I feel anxious about it now and then.

Tara - posted on 07/04/2011

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We don't yet, but we are going to sit down and do one soon. We know who will take our girls if something happens to both of us, we actually asked them if they would be okay with the idea first before we planned to do the wills.

Lady Heather - posted on 07/04/2011

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We know where the kids are going but we haven't got it on paper yet, and boy do I feel shitty about it. Just keeps getting pushed to next week, you know? I'm just going to have to make the appointment I guess. Kind of important because I want my brother to have them but he's only got a 2 bedroom house so they will need an upgrade. Need to make sure he gets some of the cash out of our insurance to use to get a bigger house and that won't happen unless it's legally written down I'm sure.

Damn. Somebody remind me to call tomorrow.

[deleted account]

No Will yet, but we will have one come the begining of the yr after we build the house so we dont have to redo it in Jan. We do both have Living Wills and Power of Att. We did pick someone to take our kids if God forbid something happens and everyone in the families know who it is. When we do write it, I want it well detailed on how my children are to be raised and everything goes for the care of the kids. I dont want his family starting crap over the kids. None of them know the children like my side. Its also good to protect the spouse if something would happen to just one of you. With being a SAHM my MIL would do anything to try to take everything away from the kids and I so we have to get them done ASAP! Sad...really sad.

Katherine - posted on 07/04/2011

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I haven't, but it's on my to do list. Among other things lol.
I think it's imperative there is a will. I mean WHAT would happen to your children, finances, belongings etc...?

I'm doing it soon.

Jennifer - posted on 07/04/2011

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I haven't yet, but keep telling my husband that we need to. I think it would be incredibly hard to choose someone to care for the kids. I used to think of asking my cousin to care for my kids if something happened, because she was never able to have kids of her own, and she is wonderful with them, but now I'm not so sure. I haven't spoke to her for a long time (not fighting or anything, just haven't seen her) and I don't think her husband would be very good with them. I've thought of my brother, but he lives in another state away from all their family, and has three kids of his own. Both of the grandmas aren't in the best health, and I know could never deal with all 4 kids on a daily basis. I've been trying to think of people, but just can't come up with one that I would think would do a good job, and be willing to take all 4 kids together.

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