Having a hard time

Christina - posted on 01/31/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My son is 9 months old and I have still not figured out how to balance everything in my day. Laundry, grocery shopping, PT appts (his and mine), take home PT exersizes, breathing treatments, dishes, cleaning the house in general, cooking (or making ANYTHING for anyone else besides my son), and still playing and keeping him entertained. He takes ONE nap a day, and that lasts for about 20 mins, 30 tops. I cannot figure out how to do this all day everyday. I'm in pain every second of the day and i haven't learned a way to push through the pain to do more than what is absolutely necessary. But that's no excuse, I feel I shouldn't have a messy house, I SHOULD be able to cook for my man everyday since I do stay home. I could really use some advice on how to do all this besides "you gotta figure it out yourself"...

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Kim - posted on 01/31/2010

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When I had my son it was pretty easy to keep the house neat, he had a few toys that I could clean up in 15 mins at the end of the day but as they get older and you have more kids there are just wayyy too many. He also took a good 2 hr nap at least. I also didn't have the same problems you have with PT appts ect. You seem to have a lot more on your plate than I did. I used to get upset at these Moms that had one kid and nothing going on telling us with more than 1 kid how easy it was for them to do their chores. Throw in 2, one that doesn't nap and things get a lot harder. It seems like you need to think of it as having more than 1 child since you are doing so much more. Try not to beat yourself up about having a messy house. You, your son and your husband are what matters. Make sure you have clean clothes, your house is sanitary/clean(clean and cluttered or messy are totally different), and that you have food to eat, who cares if its a frozen dinner(they are easier and take less time and are just as good as a home cooked meal, imo). And taking care of a child, especially one with special needs, is a full time job and your husband should be helping you out too. Mine knows not to say anything about a messy house, he comes home and helps with dishes or showers but that is about it, or I'd tell him to pick up a broom or whatever and start cleaning. And he is like having 2 extra kids sometimes, not taking care of his things!! Hopefully things will get easier for you. I don't know why you are in so much pain, but I hope it goes away soon. I had to be very careful with 2 of my pregnancies and I had to let the vacuuming go, and a lot of other cleaning, ask your husband to help out, let him know what is going on, then maybe while he plays or gives your son a bath or his PT you can make time to make a nice dinner and make enough for a few nights or to freeze for another night. Hopefully things will get easier and into more of a routine for you. I hope this helped a bit. Oh and I also do Flylady.com . I'm not the greatest at it but it gave me a place to start to organize my cleaning and I've tailored it to what works for me and my house, you should check it out. Take care.

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Amy - posted on 01/31/2010

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here is my take.... they are only small once and we should enjoy them. yes we have our daily chores to do but we don't have to do them all in one day everyday. i have somewhat of a schedule. I do laundry every other day and dishes get done mostly by me but I do ask my husband to do them a couple of times a week. yes he works and is tired but so are we. and my husband is kinda fair he knows how much it can be when it is just one person doing it. so this is how we do it here. I shop for groceries every Saturday with my oldest son who is 3 and that can sometimes be challenging. then I do all the laundry on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays (if it has been a bad week then more) and I try to walk with the kids as much as possible. I don't know anything about PT appts. but my oldest son had speech every Thursday so I had to juggle that with naps and house cleaning. not fun but can be done. now he is 3 and doesn't have speech any more but is also not taking naps and my 9 month old seems to not want to take his afternoon nap as well. so it can get pretty hairy. I take the boys where ever I am cleaning and make it fun. I always have a spare feather duster in my pocket and every now and then i tickle them with it. my oldest son likes to help as well. and we all know how much help a 3 year old can be. LOL. but it gets done somehow. I try to clean really good on the weekend when my husband is home. or have him give me an hour when he gets home and try to clean one room a day. as for the cooking. I will make stuff to eat on the weekend for the week and freeze it or my husband has gotten used to eating chicken nuggets or something quick from the freezer if time has gotten away from me or i am just to pooped to make anything. you are only human and can only do so much in a day. you shouldn't have to push through any pain. if you hurt then rest and play with your son. and my husband has said " our house is lived in and not for show" so see even if you don't have a spotless house it shouldn't matter because it is lived in. toys everywhere is a part of being a family. it will all come to you in time when you settle into a routine. you will see. just make a schedule that you think you can stick to and try it for a week or two if it don't work try another one. it took me the better part of 6 months to get a routine I can stick to with 2 lil boys here. I hope this helps you. and smile because your son won't care what you did today but that you had time for him and that you love him.

Trina - posted on 01/31/2010

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Awwww Hunny, stop, take a deep breath and count ten to one!!! Your stressed out and overwhelmed!!! Instead of trying to figure out everything in one day try different things and what works best go with it!!! Don't put in your head i should have a messy house, i should do this and i should be able to do that, it shouldn't be this way and it should be this way, and no you don't have to figure it out yourself!!! get a planner write down appt. and schedule out your days it helps for a very busy mommy!!! i am a single stay at home mommy with three kids and one on the way!!!! i also suffer from adult add!!! i will tell you right now if you start getting in your head the i shoulds and shouldn'ts and you start overwhelming yourself with stress your gonna end up depressed if your not headed there already!!!! then you start pushing your life away including those who are closes to you like your son!!! try putting your son down for more than one nap like one in the morn and one in late afternoon!!! that way your able to get more of the house work done!!! and if he wakes up and you haven't finished you work it is ok get him change him, then try setting him in his swing, bouncer, or high chair with a lil snack and toys, then try and finish what you were doing, but one task at a time!!! also make days for your man to help or certain chores, or times where he can help with alot of the work or play time with baby so mommy can get in the bubble bath, read her book and RELAX, and make a family day of nothing but a fun day for the three of you's!!! plan all this in your daily planner book and if you have a cell set your alarms with your schedule it helps!!! or get an electronic planner where it has a timer for every appointment or thing you have to do!!! it should help!!! also it doesn't hurt to ask a friend or family member for help!!! don't punish yourself for not having everything together you'll get there!!! just remember it is ok if you don't get everything done in one day, there is always tomorrow!!!! good luck hun and if you need someone to talk to or advice mail me i'll try to help the best i can!!! STAY POSITIVE ;)!!!!

Carolee - posted on 01/31/2010

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You need to let yourself heal all the way (you obviously haven't quite yet). Seriously, ask people to help clean and/or entertain your son. There is no such person as "WonderMom", so please stop pushing so hard so soon! It usually takes until your child can follow you from room to room by themselves and ask for what they want before any sort of cleaning routine can be established that would compare to what you did before the child was born. Just wait until he's in the "really needy" phase! Just do what you can, and accept that your life has changed when it comes to the housework... and every other way you can think of, for that matter. Good luck, and you're doing fine!

Tamika - posted on 01/31/2010

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HI Tina,

Firstly you sound like your doing heaps!! I too have toys everywhere I'm living in a small apartment with a 6 month old and another one on the way. I've come to realise that i can't do everything. the cooking, cleaning, exercises etc...

So now I don't. I don't stress about it. I spoke to my partner about it as we were constantly fighting.. you know the story he brings home the bacon and i'm the house mamma who should be able to do everything right.. Wrong!! i left him with our son for a whole weekend and after that he appreciated what I did more, and he understood that I too have a lot on my plate.

Just because our partners go off to work does not mean that we slacken off by any means at all.

So give yourself a break, your doing a good job so far.

As for the cooking on the weekend I might cook up a huge stew, pot roast, soup and them freeze them for the week for when i'm just to tired to give a crap.

I walk most mornings with bubs in the pram, even if it's only 10 mins to the local park for him to sit and watch the ducks.

You'll get there in the end, there is no manual and even if there was one I think we'd still get lost as all babies and families are different.

Hang in there
,

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