Having problems adjusting to being a SAHM

Erica - posted on 01/15/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hi all,

I'm new to being a SAHM and I'm finding that I'm having serious motivational issues, not to mention a little depression. When my daughter was born 6 months ago my husband and I decided that I should stay home with her so I left a job that I really liked. Now I'm having a hard time adjusting. I just can't seem to get motivated to do anything. I'm so happy that I made the decision to stay home with my daughter and I love being with her everyday...it's the other stuff that I don't really care for. Like cooking and grocery shopping. I just keep hoping that I'll get used to it but it doesn't seem to be getting much better. Has anyone else had problems adjusting and what has helped you overcome them?

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Andi - posted on 05/13/2010

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I had the same problem when I started staying home. It got worse after my son was born. I had always worked and was used to "doing it all." I also have a feminist perspective, so being the one responsible for the housework really bothered me on so many levels. Finally, I started looking at taking care of the kids as my JOB. I was responsible for all the things that I would expect of a babysitter during the work hours. That meant cooking breakfast and lunch, reading, playing, napping, etc, etc. When my husband was home, he was my partner. I expected him to pull his own weight at home. If the laundry needed doing and he was home, he was expected to do it. If I didn't get to the dishes, he had to help out and clean up the kitchen his fair share of the time. My job is making sure we raise well behaved, educated, and well rounded children. I didn't sign on as a housekeeper. Now, do I do the lions share of the house work? Yes. But he does what he can when he's here and he appreciates that what I'm doing is hard work, too.

Catherine - posted on 01/15/2010

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Sounds like the Doldrums. We all get them. There's a pile of stuff that needs to be done, but it's just too darn depressing to even look at it.



Breaking the big things into little things can help boost morale enough to take bigger slices out of the mountain in front of you. Or take a good look at why you don't care to cook/shop and how you can help yourself get over that.



You can get Junior involved in those things, too. Talk her through what you're doing [careful when cooking with bub in a baby carrier. Those little hands move *fast*] or when you're shopping, let her play with some of the things you're buying.



Also, there's the Three Ingredient Challenge: cook up something with just three ingredients [and what's already in the pantry/fridge doesn't count :) ] you get while you're out.



And if you really *really* hate grocery shopping - buy yourself a little treat when you're done.

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Stella - posted on 05/13/2010

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I have been a SAHM for about 6 years now. I have 3 little ones all under 5 and I have had that same problem. I am still not used it. Ther's nothing wrong with it. As far as motivation... if your husband doesnt worry about what the house looks like, then dont worry about it. Your child is more important than a house. If you take too much time trying to do that other stuff, then that time will pass by and that is time you could spend with your child. ( there are 2 things I think are important for a house: toilet clean and dishes washed) Talk with your husband and see what he prefers in house cleaning and then go from there... if it doesnt need to be done, then dont do it. I have spent more time trying to clean things that get right back dirty... just not worth it.

Michelle - posted on 05/13/2010

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I know there are some days I am so unmotivated to do anything I am a mom of two under 3 and most days just keeping them from destroying the house and each other seems like a major event. Celebrate the little things you manage to accomplish and if you get the down about things make it fun she is still young enough that you can have you time without pulling your hair out if your feeling stressed handle a big task and then reward yourself by putting her in a bouncer or a bumbo and take a bath with her in sight and unstressed mom is an unstressed baby. Lol as for shoping if your lucky check safeway.com or albertsons.com or new seasons or any of your local grocers alot have switched so you can order shoping offline and deliver so avoids those new mom blues of leaveing the house and feeling frumpy. Most important rember what you are doing changes the path of your little girl for the rest of her life she will know she was cherished loved and truely cared for by you being there and you are the sun in the center of the familys universe without you there is little function :D your amazing and keep up the good job we all get down sometimes never let anyone make you feel like your not super fantastic for being there for all those little moments and firsts.

Amanda - posted on 01/15/2010

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It was really hard for me when I first became a SAHM (5 years ago). It helps if you make friends with other local SAHM's and do play dates. Find new recipes to try, maybe that will help motivate you to cook and get some grocery shopping done. Make sure you get plenty of sleep at night but dont over do it. If you sleep too much it can cause you to be depressed. Also what might help is trying to do a home business like Avon or even child care. If you are a christian, find a church (if you don't go to one already) and get involved. Join a Gym. Volunteering might help too, it will get you out of the house and it always feels good to help someone. Good luck!

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