Help!!!

Cecaila - posted on 06/01/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Okay I have Five children from ages 9 to 2 years old. None of them respect me, My nine year old throw tantrums like a two year old, my eight year old will go beserk, throwing things hitting me or one of the other children, my five year old cusses at me all the time, my four year old screams and cries loudly for hours if she does not get her way, and my two year old is just plain mean, hitting the kids in the head with toys, biting.... they do not act this way when daddy is at home, but I want them to act good when he is not home so I am not so stressed all the time.

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Joanna - posted on 06/01/2010

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I'd say harden up and MAKE them respect you. They won't respect someone who doesn't demand respect. Do not allow cussing/hitting/throwing without major consequences, and make sure to carry the punishments out, no caving in. Once they see you mean business things should turn around.

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Amber - posted on 06/02/2010

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I agree with the other moms. You have to have a more strict discipline policy in your home. They seem to feel that they can get away with it, and they won't change their behavior until you make them realize that it's unacceptable. Consistent consequences and a direct set of rules will get you far.

I've got a 3 year old and if he starts throwing a temper tantrum, he goes directly to the naughty bench. He is not allowed to get up until he has stopped and then he must apologize to me and give me a hug.

It's difficult to get them to listen to the naughty bench at first, but just keep putting them on it and ignore them as long as they are on it if they are crying. It doens't feel good, but your children will start behaving better if you make them.

You might be "mean' to them, but they will respect you and understand it when they are older.

Good luck!

Chelle - posted on 06/02/2010

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Yes i can only imagine how stressed you are. With discipline its important to always keep the bigger picture in mind. It may feel like you are being mean now but in the long term, it will pay off. ONe of the most important things you can be for your children is consistent. Naughty behaviour needs to have a consequence and you need to follow through with this. Children very quickly learn where loop holes are and they will not respect you if you dont follow through, they will just see you as a push over or someone that if they keep niggling at, they will get their own way.

It also has a lot to do with what behaviour you reinforce. Ie say a child is crying and a person gives them a "reward" like a lolly or a toy to quieten them, they soon equate crying equals reward. It is much better to say to them, if you stop crying for 5 mins, then i will give you something- that way you are at least reinforcing the right or desired behaviour.

Once you catch on to what you are reinforcing it can make things a lot easier. Good luck but with persistence and consistency you can definitely change this situation :)

Jacqui - posted on 06/01/2010

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I only have one child, so I can only imagine what a hand full they are! However, I am a single mum, and I had a really hard time handing out discipline as I didn't want to be the 'bad guy'. However, I perservered with 'the naughty step'... it took a few weeks for it to actually work, but now I just have to say ' do you want to go on the naughty step?' and she realises that she is being naughty. If she throws her toys, then they 'go in the bin' (I keep a box on a high up shelf for this). She doesn't get the toy back until she behaves and apologises. Also, as Michelle suggested, a reward chart is a great idea. I used one to get into her bed time routine. If she gets ticks all week then she gets a small reward (99p store is great for this, as doesn't cost a fortune! or we go swimming). It will be hard, but if you perservere, you will get results. Most importantly, don't blame yourself! Being a mum is the hardest job in the world, and you have it multiplied! Good luck! :)

Michelle - posted on 06/01/2010

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hi i have 7 children,aged from 25yrs to 6yrs my daughter is the eldest the rest are boys,my kids use to be the same,lacking dissapline as i was more of a softie,your kids know how to push your buttons as mine did with me.they are trying to get your attention,the wrong way,obviously they know how to behave as they do for their dad,you need to get brave and tell your kids this is how its going to be,you are the parent,make a rewards chart/sticker and when they do something good put asticker on it and by the end of the week reward them with a small gift a day out ,or even an icecream,put up signs withstick figures showing them that this is not allowed and put a red line through it so they know its wrong i use to have them all over my house,it worked,talk calmly and get down to their level,eye contact,and explain what they are doing is wrong,do agroup activity together,get them to help with dishes ,shopping,etc,see if there is a local playgroup that you can take your youngest to.and when your kids are cussing at you don,t show any response,praise your kids when they are being good,and get your husband to back you up,and that you guys aren,t taking sides,good luck,being good mum is the hardest job,and im sure you r a good mum,otherwise you wouldn,t be asking for help.

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