HELP

Allison - posted on 09/04/2013 ( 11 moms have responded )

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i want to leave my bf of 3 years ... im absolutely miserable!! hes controlling mean and just a bad person i cant stand to be with him any longer and im tired of being unhappy and crying! its hard to leave because we have a 2 year old together . i have been a stay at home mom with her because he works full time and we don't have money to get childcare. im a great mom and would do anything for my daughter and every time i say im going to leave he says that he will take her from me cause i don't have a job or a place to live.. but i know if i left i would live with my parents who are very wealthy and have a huge house and can help us out
!! i don't know what to do if i should get legal advise or even who me to call about it. im scared to make a move cause like i said he is a very mean guy and i am scared. does anyone know what i should do ? HELP

11 Comments

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Morgan - posted on 09/07/2013

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There is a saying "Respect yourself Enough to walk away from what no longer serves you, grows you or makes ypu happy" I find it to be very helpful a lot of the time asking myself those three questions in situations....hope that helps! : )

Kim - posted on 09/05/2013

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Common law varies state to state, and is typically only in effect after more years than just 3. There isn't Common law in all states, either.

While I don't know the guy, generally it is only a matter of time before the abuse is turned towards the child. Get out now, before you put your daughter in danger. Be strong for your daughter, you will lead the example of the spouse she will look for later in life.

Michelle - posted on 09/04/2013

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I honestly think its best to follow your heart. If he is very bad as you say and a bad father, do leave. Make sure to make yourself happy and your child. Family will always be there for you! Good luck and I hope you find out what you're going to do.

Amanda - posted on 09/04/2013

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Most states r n the favor of mothers he can't take ur child without taking u to court he has to prove u unfit first an u said e works full time n no money for daycare so how would he b able to take care of her while he works no women should ever be mistreated if ur unhappy fallow ur heart an what's best for ur baby girl

Kelly - posted on 09/04/2013

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seperated over time is like a divorce for common law ..once u do your first taxes without him it will all fall into place

Allison - posted on 09/04/2013

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also... we are i guess common law married .. someone said i have to get like divorced how does that work and we do our taxes together

Allison - posted on 09/04/2013

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yes indeed :) thanks again im ready to get back to my happy self. its hard damn men !!

Kelly - posted on 09/04/2013

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Never let anyone take away your options, no relationship is worth tears unless you decide you want to cry and they should be tears of joy ..i wish u and ur baby girl all the peace and happiness. ps. if he wont see reason you cant change that but you also cannot sacrifise your sanity so he can be selfish either ...if he gets violent ..leave ...Tc huggs

Allison - posted on 09/04/2013

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thank you so much kelly ! im going to talk with my parents tomorrow and let them know whats going on and also i m going to try to get record of all the crap hes doing. and also im going to try and talk with him tonight to see if we can handle it civilly and my daughter is going to stay the night with my mom so i figured its a good time to do so. thanks for the encouragement im already feeling better and not so trapped :)

Kelly - posted on 09/04/2013

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oh another thing ...he cant get u on the no job thing as long as your parents are willing to vouch for you until you can get on your feet he can do nuthing to you ..plus you are entitled to child support so do not let him intimidate you ... he cant treat you this way ....remember when you talk to a lawyer,in mediation or court ~ stay focused on what is best for your daughter and that you fear that time with him would be harmful to her. Have proof ...your journal entries or such .....As little as she is she is seeing and hearing all of it she feels the tension in the air and try to stay calm gather yourself and be strong for your little girl ..she needs you :) Good Luck

Kelly - posted on 09/04/2013

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as far as legal advise goes it never hurts to know ur rights and options and i do know that if you leave with your daughter he may go after custody so record everything you can or he'll get 50% of her time keep a journal or whatever you need to write everything down how he treats you how he treats your daughter it may be the only thing that will save you in court You need to get the hell out ..you need your parents help... go to them and let them help you , before he becomes abusive toward you or even worse your daughter, ( if he threatens or is abusive get a restraining order, it will help u keep your daughter from him as well ) Be honest with yourself if u stay will it get worse ? or do you have the strength to stand your ground and not let him walk all over you, dont let your daughter become a victim ...teach her that women can be strong and do what needs to be done especially in crisis, one thing i do know is once a relationship is a certain way, its very hard to change. n be thankful your not married

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