Help

Natalie - posted on 10/04/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I've been talking care of my first baby all by myself til now and my husband never helps. He works all the time but I'm over whelmed and frustrated cuz I get no sleep since my 6 month old is teething and I'm exhausted and I ask him for help when he get home and he's always says I'm tired but how about me it ain't easy talking care of our baby. Idk what to do I'm getting tired of it. What should I do help.?

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Queen Of My - posted on 10/08/2013

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Awww! Keep your head up honey - The sleep thing will get better. I can tell you from personal experience - I have worked three jobs and being a mom is more difficult hands down!
I also believe sleep deprivation is what started my pp depression. I was dealing with so much personally and I didn't have the coping skills because I was so tired! To be the beat mom you can be you must take care of yourself! Is there anyone else that can come and help you during the day? Even just an hour or two of sleep will do wonders.
As for your husband - it isn't a competition of who works more. You are both responsible for this child and for the betterment of your baby - your husband should be active.
The way my husband and I worked things was - I got up with baby everynigt because he had to be on his game at his job. But when he got home, he would take A shower, do what he needs for 1 hour then it was my turn! I could bath, read a magazine, sleep - whatever! I would try to have supper made for them so he could eat and play with baby together. Then we would each have a day on the weekend where we could sleep in....
Try to talk really calmly to your husband - when you are not exhausted - and try to compromise. Remind him you are a unit and being married means making decisions, sacrifices and compromises for the betterment of the unit! Ask him what he needs and tell him directly and decisively what you need.
Good luck sweetie :)

Nicole Patrice - posted on 10/06/2013

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He needs to hear from someone else that having a new baby is like a full time job...and that you both took place in creating this baby...and you cant be the loving mom you should be if you dont get some rest and time to urself too...hopefully he can be understanding....it wasnt till my 3rd that my husband started to help a little.i hope things get better for u

Natalie - posted on 10/04/2013

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You are not alone :) im living on the otherside of the world away from my family and friends and my husband worked away a lot. Its hard when thy wont liste an you feel like you cant handle all the stresses but you will get through it. You are a strong woman, you gave birth :) Tell him how you feel and then listen to what he has to say. Maybe If you get him to do some chores around the place, you would only have to worry about bub. Whenever your bub goe for sleep at day, go for nap. Even if its 20 mins, it'll do you good. Maybe a few times a week you could get family or a close friend to watch bub for bout 1 or 2 so you can get some well needed rest, if you partner isn't helpful? hope you're ok

Tiana - posted on 10/04/2013

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At least he works. When i got with my husband, i was only 16 yrs old and all he did was be with his friends. He would never i mean NEVER hold his duaghter. it was just me all day long with her. It was hard i didnt have no help from no one. i just had to put my head up and keep holding on and hopeing that one day he'll change for the sake of my little girl. i didnt want her to grow up with her parents divorce like i did, so no help for the first..2yrs later the 2nd girl, still nothing..then heres the third after 4yrs and its finally a boy now he's more help then i ever asked for. He's always there for me and all three of my babies. i know it took 5 yrs for him to change but i think its worth the wait to have the whole family together and happy . he just needed a little growing up to do thats all. So i know your husband is always working but he just wants to be the man of the house . Tell him to only work at one job and that you need him to be there for the family. If he really wants to be a man to stick to being a father first to his baby and a husband to his wife thats a real man.

p.s. sorry for all the writing maybe you dont like to read alot =) lol

Natalie - posted on 10/04/2013

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I try to talk to him but he always says work three jobs and tell me how tired you'll feel coming home ( he works as a dayalisis technician and security and he's in the army) you won't even work one job. Then I start crying or leave downs stairs to not start yelling at home cuz I always yell idk why haha but hopefully he'll mange to change soon or later. We got married in a young age and were still young. I guess I should of thought of the consequence before getting married but he was getting deploy to ahfgansitan but it got cancelled thank god. Well neways I hope thing changes I don't want to leave and my child not having a dad. Thanks for ur response it made me think about twice 😊

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Remind him that you are not the only one who is a parent. The child belongs to both of you, so both of you need to parent. Point out to him that he needs time to bond with the baby when he is home in the evenings (you get to bond during the day) and feedings, baths, even changing the nappy, tucking baby into bed are all good ways for him to bond with his baby, and give you time to finish up your household responsibilities. Even if the baby doesn't need anything at the moment, he should still be playing with the baby and building that relationship. Studies have show that babies who develop a strong bond with their parents during the first year of life are more honest and forthcoming with their parents as tweens and teens. They also feel their parents are "more relatable" than those who's parents spent less time with them when they were infants.

I don't know what your husband does for work, but mine has a very mentally demanding job. He couldn't be up with J at night, so that had to be my job. The sleep deprivation is difficult, but it does end. I learned the importance of napping while J napped whenever possible--even if I didn't have time to actually fall asleep, just laying there with my eyes closed did wonders. I put him in a wrap to do much of my chores and just put him on the floor to play while I did more physically demanding chores.

Also, make sure you are getting out of the house a few times a week (and not just for the weekly shopping!!!). Have coffee or brunch with a friend, put baby in a stroller and go for a walk with a friend, etc. That adult interaction, and a face to face vent can to a lot to fight that burnt out feeling.

Tiana - posted on 10/04/2013

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i am always in that situation. i just try my best to put up with it. i grew up without my parents so i try to always be there for my kids no matter how hard it is.but you should talk to him. tell him how you feel and that you would like some family time with him and the bby. at least an hour a day by watching a movie or going to the park. tell him his job is hard but being a mother is really hard work too but try not to yell. i have a habbit at yelling everything i feel. some times it solves it most times it just makes it worse lol but like i said the main thing is talking to your partner its always the best solution to solving problems in a realationship.

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