HELP ASAP WHAT TO DO WIT MY 12 YR OLD SON AND 11 YR OLD GIRL ATTITUDE NOT CLEANING UP

Tammy - posted on 11/18/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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IM going threw the same thing wit my 12 year old son AN 11 year old daughter thow she does as shes told most of time and cleans and helps out spealially wit baby brother she loves to help my son does not help wit not cleaning and the backtalking and making messes and leaving them for morning for me to clean how do i stop the backtalk help me pleaase? i started taking away his things after i read these post i mean everything he left out i hid/put away and when he got home he looked and said wit attitude mom where is the ps3, games, toys, everything is gone? i told him u clean the house u can get your toys bk or the tv he said i want ps3 and games and computer bk i said no only one thing a day!!!! omg mom he said im going outside to play then i said no your not you have a house to clean and dishes to do and room to clean!! that i left dirty all day for him to clean haha cause he didnt want to clean and i get tired of doing it all all day everyday i just had a baby on oct 2nd so i told him when he said u didnt cllean all day what did u do? i said no i didnt clean i took care of baby brother ALL DAY he said omg mom and tryed to walk out the door i said no u dont u get bk in here where u going u have a house to clean before u do anything or go outside or u wont get anything bk if u dont want me to sell your ps3 and all the games and toys r give them away to a family? he said u cant do that dad would not let me i said dad dont care we already talked about your attitude and backtalking and not cleaning leaving everything a mess and he agreeded wit me!! i got him to clean everything he was told to clean he did it all lol!! then i let him go out side!! how long should i make him do this before i give the tv and games and toys back please help???? its killing me not to clean and sit and make the kids do it everyday lmao yeah right im kinda enjoying it i do have the baby to tc of that takes all my time and i can use the time off from all the cleaning! they do give attitude and talk back but i just say i guess u will not care if u never see the tv or games or toys again and u have no christmas haha how long should this go on and what should i say to them after i give them one thing back at a time? and what about the attitude how i stop the talking bk to me? really needs to stop thats what made me do this im feed up wit the attitude so everybody is wit out a tv and games in living room for now QWELL I GOT A TV IN MY ROOM WHERE I STAY LMAO? ANY IDEAS ASAP PLEASE HOW LONG SHOULD I LET IT GO BEFORE I PUT THE TV BACK IN LIVING ROOM N GIVE THE GAME SYSTEM N GAMES BACK????? ANY IDEAS PLEASE I WILL DO OR TRY ANYTHING AT THIS POINT AT WITTS END

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Tammy - posted on 11/21/2011

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ok thank you liz thats a great idea thank you all for all the great idea the fridge thing works i put the chore list there iv never thought about the naughty list hehe that way they always see it great idea reminds them what they need to do and not do lol great and so will me and the hubby and kids kinda like a reminder list for all of us love it. ill try it today they have been improving ty all for your help.. any ideas where i can get one of them erasable message boards wit magnet to stick on fridge to post the chores and todo list and there warning boards i need one too for my shopping list and reminders for the week any ideas i 4get everything wit a newborn im running around all the time forgetting everything so we all need reminders looking for a erasable message board to put on fridge and or wall any ideas where to find these? Thank You All

Liz_lov3s - posted on 11/20/2011

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Hi Tammy,

You already told your son that he would get back one item or privelege each day for doing what he is supposed to do. I think you meant he has to use better behavior, too. Make your own secret list with the values he has for each of his things and give him back the least valuable one. If he seriously messes up take away the most valuable item that he has.

It's a good idea to have his list of what is expected posted on the fridge - as others have suggested. Be firm. Be fair. Maybe warn him for small mistakes but *DO* be sure to remove his things - one at a time - for being naughty.

Liz

Jocelyn - posted on 11/18/2011

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Chore charts...I have 5 kids...I made a chore chart for each of them that shows what they do on a daily basis. even down to make your bed, brush your teeth. If they look like they are just walking around when I know they have things to do or say they are done; I tell them "go read the list". Has worked out great. Especially for my 12 year old (who says she forgot!), it's written down, there is no excuse.

Our chores are broken up in before school, after school, after dinner, before bed. Then a separate one for Sat. chores. During the week they are pretty much the same thing each day, each has their own jobs. Sat. chores each has their own job and some are every other week, some each week. I gave them jobs based on knowing what they are capable of and what I knew would work for each one...Then one doesn't get stuck with all the hard and another the easy...

Jocelyn - posted on 11/18/2011

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My 12 year old daughter hit a peak at the end of the last school yr. just with issues from talking back, disobedience, throwing fits (like a toddler!). She was grounded all 3 months of summer break. I tried to give her chance after chance. She has had to write sentences, and were not talking 10, we're talking about a few 100 sentences (that say various things about her choices),she missed out on activities out of the house (her friends and their parents (my friends) even knew she couldn't go without my knowledge, also made her choices affect others). She only got to do things with the family to teach her that we are a family. Even though she got it, her attitude still went on after this school year started up. I don't take things away from everyone in the house, she just has to stay in her room with nothing to do...It's her punishment, not the rest of the families. You have to make sure your not punishing your daughter, who is obeying for her brothers choices. (T.V., etc).



A few months ago I took everything from my daughters room. I took out all her decorations (wall, shelfs, etc.), toys, even sheets from her room. Her clothes are sitting on the top of her closet, she has no drawers to use anymore! I even took away her favorite shoes and extra things. I only left what she needed to make it by each day, including only a few blankets or at night. Though she has her desk in her room, she has to use the floor to sit and do homework because I took her chair. Even the door is gone..."things" are a privilege, not an obligation. I told her she has to show me she deserves to have those things that "we, her parent's" bought.



She has no privileges until she goes 2 weeks without acting up, goes no where, no t.v., computer, etc. I told her I would let her have a chance to do what she is told without me harping on her. Proof that I want to try to trust her. to get things done, not based on how I want it done but her effort to do it in the first place. Our chores are different parts of the day, after meals before bed, etc. When that time period is over I have the right to then follow up on her and if she didn't do it is my job to tell her to do it. At that point it is a choice; a choice to not do it and a choice how to respond to me telling her to get it done. (I take in to account forgetting (which doesn't really happen as much as a choice to not obey) and homework, if we're away from home, etc.)



If she acts up the 2 week period starts over. After 2 months, she hasn't gotten anything back. We are finally up to a week with no issues so we'll see if we can last the next week. Then I will start to give things back...to see how she does. I tell her age isn't what determines your privileges but her attitude. I've even said no x-mas if it continues!!!



Good luck mom, putting your foot down and not backing down is the most important thing...If you don't follow through they don't know when you mean it or not...Your doing good...

Tammy - posted on 11/18/2011

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ya i have a chore list for both of them they pick there chores everyweek and switch days off n on my daughter does it still but my son gave up sticking to it after a few weeks so its bk to same thing wit him i have let my guard down a bit since baby was born 6 weeks ago so he been slipping alot since then..the chores that no so much the problem that i have wit him its his mouth wit arguing and backtalk is what needs to stop i will try that thow and see if it works to wit the talking bk if he talks bk argues wit me he wont get it bk ty

Kelina - posted on 11/18/2011

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Make them earn them back. tell them if they can go two days without attitude they'll get a game back. If they can go a week without complaining about doing their chores, they can have two apiece. And once they start getting their stuff back make sure they know they have to tidy it up every night because if it's still on the floor when they go to bed, it will get thrown in the trash. And throw it in the trash so they can see it in the morning(make sure it's still in the case those things are expensive, then you can grab it after they leave for school so you're not out the money when you give it back to them)Kids need to show respect and learn to pick up after themselves. i think having a chore list would not go amiss as well. One day one vaccums and the other sweeps. The next they switch. One loads the dishwasher, the other empties then they switch. that kind of thing.

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