Help from some past experience?? (an immature s-o??)

Tracy - posted on 11/16/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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m 23 and preggo- my bf and i have been together for a yr and i became preggs despite all teh birthcontrol we tried :-o but .. Im happy to be having my baby - as is my bF (who lives with me) .. I have no job and he suports me (he only works a target stocker position and $ is tight) ..He is addicted to video games .. tho he says he wont be buying any for a while (he has spent $70 on games this month so far) .. Im due in late feb and he hasnt bought a single baby item.. he comes home and plays games then promises to help me around the house and falls asleep -- AND to top it off blames me for being so cuddly that i make him passout?! Ive tried yelling and screaming and talking and notes..postings online... both mean- concerned and trying to appeal to how it makes me sad...Ive tried calendars and check lists and dry-erase boards.. He's a nice guy. I love him.. but I am often left feeling very alone in this pregnancy. Him and his father point out how he doesn't do drugs and he doesnt drink.. and how he's always been a very 'upstanding' citizen.. liek school crossing guard and HS football team.. Im afraid that we wouldnt have what we need for the baby if it weren't for family buying things.. I have 3 months-ish to go - and he says we have time - liek he did when it was 7 mo left and 5 mo left-- ect.. any advice? I mean- theres no breaking up for a good 9months - but Before I give up - i really would like to try everything i can to save us and our little family.

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Christi - posted on 11/18/2009

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these are all warning signs sweetie. my husband was the same way unfortunately, and i let him delay things so much that when i had to have an emergency c-section a month early, nothing was done. i didn't get to set up my son's room and nest and i regret that more than anything. after our son was born he wouldn't lift a finger to help out, even in the hospital and when we came home he went back to work and i was left alone, split hip to hip with a newborn and no idea of what i was doing. and i was 20. it took about four months for him to come around. and what finally woke him up was me leaving him. i told him that i was not going to live this way, that if he truely wanted to be a family that he would have to get off his ass, otherwise i could find some other man to help raise his kid. that was a poker in his ass and ever since then he has been amazing. he is a truely wonderful father, he just needed some poking.

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Ashley - posted on 11/18/2009

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I didnt buy ANYTHING until after my baby shower, you'll be surprised of how much stuff you get. Also, look at hand-me-down stores and websites like kijiji.com. You'll be surprised of how much good stuff you can get for cheap.

As for your boyfriend, he'll come around once time gets closer, my bf was the same way. now all he asks is if we have enough diapers, wipes ect.

good luck!

Myra - posted on 11/17/2009

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This will sound really mean, but take the games and game system to Game Stop, a pawn shop, or sell them to someone. Then take the money and buy stuff for the baby. He may be a good guy, but the time for him to grow up is now. The baby can't wait until it is here, and neither can the two of you to get the things you need. I'm also due in Feb (with my 2nd child), and no matter how much money you have to work with, it'll never be enough. You might also want to remind him that babies, as great as they are, aren't set on a timer. Your due date is not something the baby is aware of, and it will come when it feels like it.



I know that advice may seem harsh because he's an upstanding guy. But, an upstanding MAN puts himself last. The order goes: child(ren), wife/girlfriend, then... self. If he gives you crap over getting rid of his games and system, tell him you were just doing what had to be done to put the baby first. He can't really say anything about that without being a huge selfish jerk.



ps...save all your receipts so you can show him that every penny went to the baby!

Sarah - posted on 11/17/2009

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There is not much you can do but to accept that this is who he is. No matter if he is right or wrong in what he does he is the only one that can change himself and until he wants to do that nothing will change. For you it is making the decision as to if this is what you want or not. If you decide to be with him then that means you understand who he is and what he does and in my opinion can't complain, because you made your choice knowing that this is who he is. Often times people get into a relationship and want to change the other person (most of the time it is the woman changing the male) and then complain when they don't change or get upset by the "nagging". Sometimes people do change when something big happens in their life (marriage, baby), but again that decision has to be made by that person and not always do they make that decision. Many times a good judge of what the future holds is what has happened in the past. People may say they will change many times, but unless they put action into it, they will not.

Breanne - posted on 11/17/2009

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Ah yes. My husband is bad for this too. When the baby arrived he would sit on his computer and play games all day and leave me to do EVERYTHING. It was really annoying and eventually we had an argument and he realized how much he did indeed play on the computer. I think it's time for a serious talk. I know sometimes writing a letter works, that way you can read it over and make sure you have everything you need to say down on paper and it will save a real heated conversation too. I hope it works out for you. I know when he sees the tiny bundle things will be different. Don't worry about all the baby things, have a shower and people should provide the necessities.Then just buy the last minute things you need. I'd get stuff now to help you "nest", maybe ask him to go on a shopping trip, a bonding experience for the two of you while you pick baby things together. :)

Tisha - posted on 11/16/2009

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He might grow up a lot once the baby comes..My fiance has always played video games a lot! And he would spend tons of money every month on them, after we had our daughter reality set in. Now when he wants to buy games he usually works the weekend or some overtime for a day or two. He also helped me around the house for the first few weeks and he's a really good Dad, instead of playing a game as soon as he gets home he spends time with us until our daughter's bed time and then he plays for a little bit before we snuggle and go to bed. Are you planning on breastfeeding? That will save you a lot of money, it's the healthiest food for babies and the bond is amazing. Hope everything works out for you :)

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