HELP! I am separated (not legally)from my husband because he is verbally abusive. I would get anxious before he would get home even!! I cried constantly, and my 11 year old said,"Mom, when are you going to tell him off?"

User - posted on 08/04/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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So one night after work, he comes home(he had had a couple of drinks-I could tell)and he is ranting and raving about what I didn't do, if I washed one of his shirts incorrectly, or didn't pick up one of his RX's! He even started in on my child about something that she had done! So that was my BREAKING POINT! I packed up just enough for me and my child and headed to the only place that I could feel truly comfortable-to my family. It took quite a while for me to decompress and just not cry every second. Now, it has been @ 8 mnts and I really never cry anymore, have such more confidence(because here I am built up, not broken down), and my daughter is finally thriving!! He wants to get back together but even when we are together, I still see that controlling, verbally abusive man. I just don't see him changing and I can't move back and take that chance now that all of our "emotional wounds" have almost healed and have him inflict them all again. Has anyone been in this situation? I need all of the advice that I can get!

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Why have you not served him with legal separation?

I'm not sure exactly what advice you are seeking. Are you asking how to serve the papers legally? You need to contact an attorney and he or she will guide you through the process. Is your husband the biological father to your daughter? If so, you will need to make it clear that he was abusive toward her in order to limit his visitation rights. In many states, if the child is over 14, she can choose whether or not she wishes to see him, and if she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to, but you MUST have that declared by the court.

If you cannot afford an attorney, go to your local family court and they will walk you through the process. Unfortunately, it varies from state to state, so no one here will really be able to help you with the specifics.

Candice - posted on 09/06/2013

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Been there, done that and burned the damn tee-shirt! DO NOT GO BACK. You already said you can't go it again. Counseling will only go so far, this type of behavior only gets worse. Step back and look at your daughter, she learns by watching you. Is a abusive relationship, verbal, mental or physical, what you want her to have? Stay strong and file for divorce. It's hard. But you and your daughter are already a thousand times better off.

Kim - posted on 09/05/2013

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Instead of thinking how it will impact you, think about your daughter. What sort of example does your relationship lead for her to base hers on down the road? If he is already turning on her it will only get worse, and she doesn't have a choice in the matter. That might help you stick to your guns.

Men like that hardly ever, if not never change. Stay strong!

Arika - posted on 08/04/2013

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You def deserve better and dont need to go back. you have to do what is right for you and your daughter. Think how hard it was for you to get over the fact of leaving, it will get harder next time. Time heals all. You going to be stronger and a better person because of it.

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