Help, I feel aggression towards my five month old baby.

Miri - posted on 01/12/2012 ( 28 moms have responded )

37

1

1

I am dealing with a difficult feeling that sometimes comes across me with my five month old baby. I LOVE HER SOOOOO MUCH more than anything in the world. but sometimes she drives me crazy and I feel like I could throw her (god forbid). I am pretty much raising her alone since my husband works untill 9 at night. Yesterday she would not give me even five minutes or a minute to go pee all day long. I got nothing done and the house feels a mess, I can't eat or take care of myself but worst of all is to hear her cry. Even after five minutes it gives me the worst feeling inside. I can't handle hearing her cry too much I feel so bad, I can't stand it. That night I started to put her to bed at 6 and she did not go to bed until 1 in the morning. I want to kill myself when that happens (figuratively speaking). It kills me to hear her like that and after 7 hours at night and a day it drives me practically to the wall. Help! I have not family to help me as well.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kay - posted on 01/13/2012

102

0

22

Today, make an appointment with your daughter's pediatrician. Tell your husband that you need him to take some time off work....sick days, vacation days whatever. Take a copy of this post with you and discuss the amount of crying that happens each day. Then discuss all possible causes for this physical, feeding, schedule etc. Next, make an apt. With your doctor and also take a copy of this post with you. Post partum depression is very common and it is a curable illness that can be relieved with medicine. There is no shame or guilt for this illness.. It is a chemical imbalance caused by hormones . Your doctor will make the diagnosis if this is what you have. If it is ppd then that would cause you not to be able to cope with the crying problem. If that is the case, take the medicine and when you are feeling better , you will be able to put tour detective hat on and find out ways to solve the crying and for you both to have the good days that you deserve. Even if the baby is physically fine and you don't have ppd, you are definitely overwhelmed and there is no guilt or shame in that either. That is also very common. You need help and do not let guilt keep you from getting it. Your husband will have to help out for awhile ...taking the baby out for walks or car rides so you can get naps and doing some of the housework. See if you can get a nice teenage babysitter to come over to be a mother's helper after school. She can also take the baby fo walks or help with the laundry etc. If you are a member of a church please let someone there know of your situation and they might organize some help.Also neighbors can be a big help if they know. If you don't have family for support, then you need to tap into these resources. There are many gals here that can offer great ideas for dealing with a 5 mo. old but you need to see the pediatrician and your doctor. If it is ppd then it is a medical condition. Things will get better for sure and you will be amazed at the difference. Best wishes.

Paula - posted on 01/13/2012

20

9

0

First let me say, you are not alone! I, too, love my son with all my heart, but I have felt that same aggression and then felt so guilty for feeling that way! Even though I would never act on it, just having the thoughts are scary. I'm so sorry you feel this. I'm sure you're exhausted, lonely, angry, sad and frustrated. My only advice, because it's what I've done, is when you feel that aggression coming on, stop and take a deep breath and close your eyes. And remember this WILL NOT last forever! This too shall pass. And just know that many mothers, including this one, has felt exactly the way you do! Sleep deprivation does horrible things to us! It will get better. I hope it's very very soon!

Lindsay - posted on 02/28/2012

3

6

0

I am basically raising my 8 month old son myself also because of my husbands work hours. It will get easer as they get older. My son is still semi- stuck in the "I'm gluing myself to mommy" phase so I set up his pack n play in our living room, while I clean up in there he plays or "watches' (he looks at the tv while their is music) Mickey Mouse, I won't lie it did take a few days to break him of the habit of screaming 2 seconds after I sat him down but now he will play by himself for about 10 minutes alone until he wants to see me then he will whine a little so I give him a new toy to play with. I bought an Ergo carrier to put him in while I'm doing things like sweeping/washing floors. Tummy time now play time works great for me to be able to get little things done like folding laundry & stuffing diapers (I use cloth) because he can be playing while I get some stuff done he likes to "help" by crawiling into the middle of whatever I'm trying to do.

Both of the pediatricians we have seen have told me that it's OK to let them cry, when I get really stressed out, T goes in his crib and I walk away for 5 minutes, if he's still crying and I'm still stressed I give him a toy or his bottle and walk away for another 3-5 by then both of us have usually calmed down

Ashley - posted on 02/27/2012

12

21

1

First, go see your doctor... I know your pain! I went and saw my doctor and she gave me a ton of ideas that helped me!

Look for a moms group, like MOPS or mommy and me groups... Anything that gets you around other moms. Possibly make close enough friends who would be wiling to take her when you need an hour.

I hope this helps! I was diagnosed with Postpartum depression, but I'm better now and had to work on getting out of the house and everything.

Good luck!

Donna - posted on 02/19/2012

12

0

1

I have two amazing boys aged 2 and 3, they are 11 months apart and perfect BUT occassionally I am stressed, even though I am home all day I feel exhausted and sometimes feel like the worst mother, like Im doing everything wrong. I did not clean my house for 1 whole week and I mean nothing. Then I had a lovely chat with my mum while having a break from the constant baby attention and she told me not to worry she said and I quote "your house is no longer yours, its theres for at least the first 4 years. Your body is now theres for ever, your chequebook is now theres forever and whether you feel it or not now in 10 years you will be looking on these as the good times and how quick they passed you by". Im nearly 4 years into this and I must be honest she was right, I look back on the first year of my babies lives and wish I could relive them and do a better job than I did, I wasted that time worrying that I did not clean, worryig what other people would think because I had not washed my hair and I missed bits that I will never relive. When you feel yourself getting tense, leave the room. As long as your little on is safe and tucked away in a playpen or cot leave the room and stay out until you calm down, even if she is crying. Where the other stull is concerned, who cares, dont clean, dont wash, dont get dressed up. There childhood ends so quickly, enjoy it, savour it, dont feel quilty because everything comes second to your child, it should anyway. Good luck x

28 Comments

View replies by

Karen - posted on 02/29/2012

183

0

12

My daughter had horrible gas as an infant, all the time!!



I remember taking my doctor's advice on feeding every 2 hours, but as a new mom, I had no clue what I was doing, so I ended up over feeding my daughter, causing tummy aches. The crying was constant, and I had no idea why. Until I found out what the cause was, I thought I was stuck with this constantly crying baby. Its enough to fry all of your nerves. You are not alone. Things will get better.



My daughter was clingy too. I can't remember the last time I used the toilet alone. It will get better!! Just know that!

Jenny_D - posted on 02/28/2012

169

12

3

You totally need to talk to your dr! Also, you have to remember that she is only 5 months old. Trust me, take advantage of the fact that she is not yet mobile and you can lay her down for a few minutes while you pee or throw in a load of laundry. Maybe you are holding her too much and spoiling her...?

Briana - posted on 02/21/2012

34

0

1

I know how you feel. With my first son i cryed alot i was rasing him on my own and i felt like i could just throw him somedays i even got to were i was regreting haveing and i felt horrabal feeling that way but i couldnt get it out of my mind sometimes. What i found very helpful is i was abel to talk to my grandmather i understand that you dont have family that you can do that with but she made me feel a lil better by telling me there were times she cryed for hours not knowing what to do with her 4 kids.. so i talked to my docter and she put me on some anti depressents i had post partam depression and they helped me a little bit and then i just got to were as long as i had even my friend to talk to about how i was feeling and someones shoulder i could cry on it helped alot. so my suggestion is talk to your gino and let him or her know whats going on they will help you and talk to your friends.

Miri - posted on 02/21/2012

37

1

1

You guys have been so helpful. Thank you soo much for all the replies. I did buy an ergo baby carrier and it worked wonders and yes, it did get easier. She is now on a regular schedual. I am taking my time and prioritizing. I feel like things are manageable. It amazes me how easily I think especially women forget. She is six months old now and I am pleased with her. I almost forgot about the severe nausea I had during pregnancy and the horrific days and nights of no sleep and chaos. I have gained an incredible admiration for women since becoming a mom. Is there anything closer to being a Saint than motherhood? Unbelievable. keep up ya'll all of the miraculou good work and god bless you!

Brianna - posted on 02/18/2012

1,915

22

352

u need to learn to let her cry.. for u on sanity! if u feel super stressed its ok to but her in her crib and walk away to calm down. babys can sense when ur stressed out and then they in return will stress out more cuz of it. my hubby is always working aswell so i no how u feel. the first couple months of my daughter life she would scream tilll 4am every night and when she would start to calm and i would try to sit or put her down the crying would start again.. i remember my hubby was gone for a few days when she was like 2 weeks old and she had screamed all day and night on end and i had a complete melt down i called my mom who lives near by at 1am and she came over took the baby who instantly stopped crying when she went to her which was very fustrating to be but it was cuz she could sense my stress so my mom sent me to bed got the baby to sleep and then left. so at 3 months only i started to let her cry it out cuz i was sooo mentally tired.. (i bought the book solve your childs sleep problems to learn how to do it properly) i would let her cry in her crib at bedtime i would not pick her up no matter what. i would stand there and rub her head,belly or something to try to calm her for a min then i would leave the room for 5 min then return and stay or a min then leave again and the first night she cried for like 1 1/2 hours the second night she cried for 2 min! and slept threw the night!! also a website u can check out is sleepsense.net good luck best wishes

Alleah - posted on 02/18/2012

126

35

6

You know I really relate to your situation. When my oldest was that age, I would get frustrated often, and I just didn't know what to do. It was one of those situations that made me feel like it was a good thing to be a smoker, because at least I knew I could put her down in a safe place, and walk outside for ten minutes to clear my head and get away... Also, when Anna was that age, my hubby was still working graveyards, about to move to evening shift from 3-11, I know what it's like to feel like you're all alone with this monster that can't tell you how to fix it's problems. Of course you should look into ppd, but before taking any prescription medication think about ways to ease your frustration naturally if you can. Sit down with your hubs and chat. See if, on his weekends, you can get out of the house alone to do something that makes you feel good. Go for a workout. Get your hair did. Go eat a big fat bowl of ice cream! Anything to get the endorphins flowing, and your mind a little more peaceful. I understand what it's like to work nontraditional hours, but your SO needs to step up now, and give you the time you need to adjust to your baby's changing needs.

Aleia - posted on 02/17/2012

11

0

0

Ok I agree with Kali, you need to talk to your doctor because post pardom depression is a serious thing. Also, you need to find some way to have at least one hour to yourself. When I started feeling a little over-whelmed, I would just go to a movie by myself on a saturday morning while my hubby was home. Just find at least an hour a week to do something FOR YOU! Just breathe and remember this will pass and it does get easier. If you need anyone to talk to just send me a message. Im here for you!

Jennifer - posted on 02/12/2012

6

6

1

Miri,

You are not alone....many moms feel the same way that you do but are too afraid to say anything. You are asking for help and that is important. I know that you are doing a lot of it by yourself but you have to have an outlet. Something that you do by yourself at least once a week. Go for a walk, take a long bath, go to the gym or workout at home, go to barnes and noble a read...anything you like to do. Your husband works hard but so do you and he can give you some time when he comes home or find some other moms in the neighborhood and trade babies for a few hours. Give them a break too! I know that it seems important that the house stay clean and all that but your sanity and the baby's well being is the most important thing. House work is not going anywhere!! It can wait! I wish you the best of luck....and believe me it gets better!

Nicole - posted on 02/10/2012

11

16

0

how are you going with it all ?? hope things have settled down for you let me know

Katie - posted on 01/31/2012

4

32

0

Just thought I would check in with you. Are you guys feeling better? I have 5 kiddos and each one has been very different. My #3 was the worst so I know exactly how you feel. I have seen lots of good ideas and support all of them. Here are a couple more - try a natural teething tablet (Hyland's is what we have here) they also have colic tablets and you can give them to babies of any age. These tablets were a life saver with #3, who cried from 9 pm til 4 am. If you are nursing try switching to Lactose free milk and cut other dairy from your diet. If you are formula feeding get the sensitive formula. Had to make this switch with our last one because he had acid reflux. Hope this helps give you a couple more things to try.

Also, do hang in there, the other moms are right when they say take a break for yourself. Put her somewhere safe and go outside (or out of the room) and gather yourself. Your little one can sense your tension and that can make things even worse. Especially when you just want to be the one to comfort them and it doesn't work.

Heidi - posted on 01/31/2012

50

0

6

I remember feeling this way when my daughter was that age, and i remember when i wanted her to go to sleep and i would put her in her crib and she'd cry, i'd go in there and yell at her and it realy scared me that i scared her like that you know? I agree with using a carrier so you can get things done and go pee, it's not gunna kill your baby to be put down for a few minutes so you can use the bathroom, tatke a break, etc. . . I used to put my daughters bouncer seat in the bathroom with me so i could take a shower and stuff, and as far as walking goes, even if you do your hair and makeup and go outside for five minutes to walk with your baby it will make you feel so much better. Also, this may help with the whole sleeping thing, i'd get up at like 8am with my baby, i'd feed her and then have floor time and play and stuff, then from 12-3 she would nap and sometimes i did too, or i just did the nails or took a bath or something like that for myself. After she got up and i fed her, i'd alternate putting her different places with different toys and stuff, her favorite was on the floor or sitting in her swing so she can see me, and i'd turn on music which she loved, and i'd clean up the house..... if she cried her got fussy, i'd tend to her needs and put her osmewhere else, i'd keep alternating putting her different places until i got what i wanted done, because honestly its not going to hurt her that you don't pick her up ALL THE TIME. At like six i'd start the bedtime thing, bath, brush, book, bed... a lot of the time i'd put the radio in her room and put a nice cd on repeat (very low) so you could just hardly hear it and she would sleep until about 8 the next day. It's all about routine i think, the more you stick to it the easier it will get, and don't forget when those times you do find yourself alone, do something for yourseld like paint your nails or read a book, or something... good luck, and you're not alone! :)

Christine - posted on 01/31/2012

49

27

1

i dont know when you start putting ur little one down at 6 for bed, but sometimes it takes a few weeks for them to get it. to make sure you do the same thing every night and they are in bed by 6. i read that a baby's span for sleeping at this age is 6 hrs strait. i put my little one to bed at 8. before that she is in her bounce about and on the floor play to tire herself out. i rock her to sleep also and give her a bottle and she's out like a light. she use to fight me at first and scream and cry and i would just keep rocking her. it took her awhile to get it but she got it now. i do the same with naps. also she is teething too so some night s are really hard.

Sarah - posted on 01/31/2012

1,258

14

164

Please Miri, go to your doctor and be honest about your feelings. It sounds to me like you may have Post Partum Depression. PPD can actually lead to psychosis if untreated (remember the mom who drowned her 5 kids in the bath?). Not that I'm saying you'd get to that point, but PPD is nothing to be ashamed about and they will not take your daughter away if you have it (a very common reason many women don't seek help for it). Do you have family/friends that might be able to help you? Maybe even if 2 of them might be willing to alternate and come over for a couple hours each a week, you could get some "me" time to have a bath, sleep, whatever. Please seek some help, there is no shame in asking, and trust me, it can make a world of difference in your coping with your new reality. Motherhood is hard in so many ways we don't necessarily understand before we have kids! Hang in there!

Sarah - posted on 01/16/2012

14

13

0

I love that so many if you condone baby wearing. to the op, babies are a horrible reality when all we expected was a Gerber baby cooing and smiling. Remember all babies cry for a reason. 5 months and the reason could be that she can't bear to be apart from you. Separation anxiety is common. Strap her to you and go about your business. Try to remember that she will not be this little forever. She will grow out of all the stages. My moms advice to me is "will she be doing it in college?" all things pass. My 3 year old won't have trouble using the bathroom in college. A baby will not keep a pacifier until college. They will not cry to address every need in college. You just gotta tough it out. If you do ever cross the line and try to hurt your baby, RUN out of your house. Go kick a tree or the car. Scream at it and cry if you need to. then go find a mom down the road and ask her for help. Call your husband, get him home. Then try to figure out a way forward. Women need people, much as our men and society tell us we can do it all and have it all on our own. We can't. It takes a village to raise a child. People want to help! Get to a local church or moms group. Ask an older woman in your neighborhood for a churn recommendation.

Even if you don't go, older women who attend church are just itching to help, and to get their hands on a baby to love and spoil. It feels weird, but fight that feeling. Help is out there. Other moms are in your situation looking for support. Good luck momma

Delci - posted on 01/15/2012

27

17

0

Look for a postpartum depression group in your area. It really does help to talk to other mother's who are going through the same thing and having the same types of feelings. It saved my family when I realized I needed outside help.

Joanne - posted on 01/15/2012

14

0

0

Been there. Know what you are feeling. I know sometimes the thoughts are disturbing but they are only thoughts. The hubby needs to come to the party more. Your happiness and well being effects your whole family. If he is unable or unwilling find a trusted granny in your community or a friend that will give you an hour. That is all that is sometimes needed. A kangaroo pouch to carry you baby while doing chores is wonderful (as suggested). Visit your doctor for the baby blues. They say that it can pop out any time in the 2 years after birth. I used to cry for nothing it was very disturbing. If it persists for more than 2-5 weeks it is suggested you see the doc. If you need to take the meds take them for a short while to get yourself back to normal.



If you are finding it difficult to breath take both you and your baby for a walk. I used to find just being outside made a world of difference. Being with other people just made it better.



Used to feel if I could not cope alone I was not a good Mom. Now I think the more kind, caring people that you can find to help adds to you and your child's life. Mine was Rose. What a God send. Hubby used to be away for 2 weeks - a month at a time for work.



Hang in there your baby will blossom into a toddler which is so rewarding. They start to interact with you more. Good luck with much love and respect.

[deleted account]

I'm glad you're feeling better. Don't beat yourself up! We've all been there.



What kind of routine/rhythm does your daughter have? Like wake time, naps, bed time? Maybe she's getting overtired. At 5 months old, they typically don't stay awake for more than 1-2 hours at a time in the day. My son was still taking 4 naps at that age! (Though I think 3 naps is more "textbook.")

[deleted account]

The other posters have given great advice already. I wanted to add have you tried baby wearing? I wear my second when she gets cranky and she loves it. It calms her right down and she usually goes to sleep. I have my hands free so I can chase my toddler or get things done around the house. I have an Ergo carrier and a Moby wrap.

Lynda - posted on 01/13/2012

31

4

2

I'm glad both you and she are doing better, but it's clear that you are overwhelmed as most new mothers are at times. As much as you love your daughter, you and she need a break from each other. Will she nap for you, even at 5 months she should be napping at least once during the day. I found my son did best with a late afternoon nap and he was usually ready for bed by 7:30-8:00. Teething is a bear and Tylenol/Motrin worked wonders during that period, no harm in using it. Also, if she doesn't nap, that may be why she is cranky, all little ones need rest during the day. Try Tracey Hogg's The Baby Whisperer for gentle techniques to getting her to sleep. If she sleeps during the day a bit, she'll probably sleep well at night. And tell your husband that you need a break, go shopping, to a bookstore, movie, whatever you need just for some me time. You will be better for it. If you don't have one, get a pack n'play. I had one for my son and I would pop him in that when I took a shower or needed to do laundry, vaccuum, or to go potty. A little crying won't hurt her and she needs to realize that she will need to be separated from you at some point. As she gets older, she'll need to be taught how to play by herself, you can't be there all the time. If you feel you need to see a doctor, do that too. Motherhood is very overwhelming. Get whatever help you need and make sure she is ok too. Hugs to you both.

Miri - posted on 01/13/2012

37

1

1

I just want to thank you so much for the responses. Wow, I feel so much better, encouraged supported and even still a good mother. Thank you sooo much. I have been given some very practical advice and there are some stellar ideas that I am very grateful to have in my pocket. Tonight was the same thing. My poor baby, I felt like is was going to be rough night and after another four hours of trying to put her to bed and her sucking on my fingers and feeling some sharp teeth underneath her gums I gave in and gave her some childrens Tylenol having a pretty good indication she has been suffering from teething. Thank god for Tylenol. While I have been wanting to avoid it as much as possible and am in no way recommending it as a way to sooth babies, my baby's teeth were clearly hurting her badly. As I suspected, within 10-15 minutes (the time it takes tylenol to work) she was fast asleep. roller coaster ride raising baby, never know what will come up next. good night

Nicole - posted on 01/13/2012

11

16

0

how are going is this your first??? where abouts are you. i went throw the same thing

love nicole here to help

Kali - posted on 01/12/2012

30

49

2

Hi. It sounds like a lot. I remember crying with my son a few time. This is serious. You may have post pardom, so you should talk to your Dr. I recomend getting a child carrier. That way you can get some things done and still hold the baby. When you need a break put the baby in the crib and go outside where you can't hear them for 5 min. It will help. Do you go for walks? Takke the baby out. 6 seems early for bed. Try playing lots with here give her dinner and a bath and put her down at 7:30. Maybe you could find a sitter to watch her a few hours a week. Check out sittercity.com I have found great sitters there. Even if it is just to go to the store. Have you ttried white noise to calm the baby. 5 months seems old for colic so also tallk to your.peditrtian. Hang in there!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms