HELP ME PLEASE!!!! My 7 yr old daughter is not fully potty trained......

Anna - posted on 01/18/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My daughter is going to be seven yrs old in 3 weeks and she still has accidents in her pants not pee accidents but the other. I've been disscussing this with my family doc for almost four years now. Aimee was almost potty trained until my son was born prematurely by seven weeks. Aimee regressed immediately due to all the attention chris got. I thought she would grow out of it. She never did and it led to bigger problems she'd hold it for so long she has stretched her colon to five times the normal size over the years an now suffers constantly from constipation we've seen a specialist for aimee several times who prescribes a strict laxative regimen and stool softners for aimee. But now i think its attitude she wont stop playin to go potty and doesnt care about the smell either. Adding to this problem now is my son is almost four and sees his sister in pull ups and thinks its ok for him to poop pants his too!!!!!!!!!!! As i've posted before im a married single parent of three i have no support with this at home i need some advice. im so embarassed by these "accidents" and yet i feel terrible as a parent that i cant get my kids to poop on the potty and its just plain socially unacceptable at her age and chris is getting there too.

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Anna - posted on 01/19/2010

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I take no offense no worries. :-) Yes im married to dad but he works 16 days six days a week so he really isnt around much to help. we've tried everything with aimee therapy, specialists, discipline, privileges, no privilges. its just frustrating we dnt want to shame her with issue but she needs to maintain a good hygiene. I wouldnt say im controlling i like certain things done certain ways. But she can poop anyway she wants as long as its in the potty. lol. Aimee does get embarssed by her smell sometimes and cries and she wants me to help her clean up. I have to draw the line at that cuz baby poop and a seven yr olds poop theyre very very different and gross. i have to moniter her poo for the specialist and log aimees diet, fluid intake and output, thats with describing her color, odor, amount and guess the texture running hard soft. I love my daughter to death but this has to stop. Ive gotten a few good ideas about how to handle this from all of you and its very helpful. trial and error is the best way i guess. therapy, taking away her things that arent a neccasity and giving aimee more one on one time everyday is the route i think im goin to take. the one thing im getting thats same from everyone is stay firm on this.

Callie - posted on 01/19/2010

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Please do not be offended because I am just offering my opinion. Take it or leave it.You said that you are a single parent...Is dad in the picture? Also what is your personality type? Do you have to have control over everything and things have to be a certain way for you to be pleased? I am just asking because sometimes young children who feel like they don't have control over anything in there lives will pick one thing that they can control ie. going potty and have a battle of the wills, so to speak. I would seriously recommend you getting her some form of therapy. Usually children that have potty issues tend to have a lot going on emotionally and this can lead to some life long problems. I do not agree that punishment or shame is the way to go.

Anna - posted on 01/19/2010

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we make her clean everything now and like i said its slowed her down a little bit but i havent considering making her wash things to aside from herself. I will try that too theres is a bucket and cleaning solution un der her sink in the bathroom. And yup chris hides to thats how i can spot him lol he always starts in pants but finshes in toliet most of the time sometimes hes really sneaky. hes been at that point since september. im also attending a clinic for potty training on feb 2 im hoping with that and all of this wonderful advice i will have my goals for a poopy pants free house before i go back to work at end of feb.

Allison - posted on 01/19/2010

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you're not terrible. . . but you gotta be tough at this point



She's big enough, (god i feel for you) I worked at a school where a kid did this. . . it was a behavourial issue and I wasn't impressed, nor was I gonna clean up his shit. The last LAST time he ever did it, I made him clean everything up himself. Clothes bottom floor toilet everything. . . he never did it again, not even at home. As for the younger one, just do like I did. . . and say no more pampers, they're all gone. you can normally spot a little kid whos gonna poop, my littlest boy always went either behind the curtains, or in the hallway by the front door, so i would chase him and put him on the toilet. . . he was trained in about a week, no more accidents. You have to be equal parts tough, patient, and FAST!

good luck

seriously make her clean herself, her underwear, and everything the poop touches, she'll think twice about having an 'accident' again

Anna - posted on 01/19/2010

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I think you're definately right about stripping everything away from aimee ive never thought about taking everything but the essential away. And the hypnotist definately tops that list of suggestions as well. Where do you live Ann? Wanna come take charge with my four yr old for a day. Hes very good about poopin at grandmas house and daycare. what blows my mind is how did i mess this part up so badly where did i go wrong in the beginning i did the every half hour on the potty with positive rewards and praise and showed disspointment with accidents etc...My oldest child potty trained herself at 2 1/2 one day i walked in on her in the potty reading her book I took a picture and praised her we danced around the house had a little treat she gave up her bottle that same night cuz she was a big girl she said!!! I was on cloud nine that was a breeze she never had any accidents or wet the bed. I still show her that pic to this day and shes still proud lol. I show her sister and brother too and say see maddie was only this big when she learned. The worst part of this as you know from the constipation issues your daughter had is that when she has an accident you basically have to throw out those undies and pants because that smell never goes away and it actually spreads to other clothes in the wash. ive tried every solution possible to get that smell out. Aimees not little a baby anymore her jeans and clothes are expensive. not too mention blankets booster seats couch cushions etc anything fabric gets ruined. Now when she has an accident she has to change herself shower and get rid of her clothes and mess. sometimes she showers four times a day. An when she messes shes not allowed to sit ANYWHERE this has slowed the accidents but hasnt stopped em.

Anna - posted on 01/19/2010

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I will try the time outs with my son he is still very influential with the time outs. I will have to take more drastic measures with my oldest as ann has listed below i think. taking away literally everything she has. she has quite the power trip goin on over this she even has accidents on time outs. I can tell from her accidents if its constipation built up or if shes just plain being lazy by the smell and amount of it. Im so tired and grossed out by checkin my seven yr olds poo everyday all the time. Thank you for your advice on this

Ann - posted on 01/19/2010

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I knew of a girl who too, due to her colon being stretched from chronic constipation had continual bowel movement issues since infancy. Her mother fed this child a ton of yoghurt and homemade soups (full of barely and other great ingredients) to keep her moving. It sounds like this has become the 'norm' for your daughter. I'd find a different Dr. (believe me-my daughter has has surgeries,etc. and my instincts were always right!). Since conventional medicine likely isn't of much help, how about a naturopath, accupuncturist, hypnotism (I even had a dentist who was certif. in this), or reflexologistist. I'm a firm believer in positive reinforcement, but I feel you likely need to start removing her priviledges, favourite toys, and/or possessions unless she goes to the toilet. "Only big girls who use the toilet are allowed to ride a bicycles" etc. I once potty trained a 4 yr. old in one day (as well as sleeping in her own bed, and car rides without screaming). You can do this. As Dr. Phil says "It's time for commando parenting". Take everything but her mattress away and see who holds the power.
I'll be sending you my positive energy for support!!!!!

Laura - posted on 01/18/2010

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the only thing 2 suggest now is to punish her and send her 2 time out, my son is 2 n 1/2 and sister is 4, my sister has the same accidents and aidan was picking up on it, he is now fully potty trained, everytime he refused to go to the potty or started pooing his pants i wud take him 2 the potty if he started 2 paddy i wud remind him he is a big boy and if he doent do as he is told he will get put on the naughty step this has worked 4 him, hope it does 4 u and i wud suggest taking her out of pull ups xx wish u lot of luck xx

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