Help! My nephew is becoming agressive with my son.

Nicki - posted on 12/17/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I have ben "babysitting" my nephew (whos 19 months) since he was 2months old. his mother (my sister) only spends an hour or two a day with him, she too busy with her job and her bf. his father sees him occasionaly, usually just for the day but every once in a whle he gets overnite visits.
On Wednesday his father picked him up for an overnite visit, which he claimed was wonderful and that everyone (meaning him, his gf, her daughter and my nephew) had had a great time. When i got him home thursday night he started getting agressive with my son whos 13 months. if my nephew got fussed at for doing something bad or didnt get something he wanted, he would shove my son to the floor. Then on friday it got even worse. He shoved my son too many times to count causeing him t hit his head on the cement floor at my dads mechanic shop, the corner of the filing cabinets, the corner of the counter, the steel grate step on a stool, metal shelves, and lots of other sharp edged or hard things. A couple times yes my son was doing somthing that irritated his cousin but most of the time he was mad because i told him no or didnt let him play with somthing or go somwhere that he wanted to he would shove my son.
One time my nephew tried to follow my dad outside but my dad busy and couldnt take him with him. my nephew started screaming and crying so my son tried to go over and giv him a hug n kiss. my nephew put both hands on his face and shoved him back causing him to hit his head on the filing cabinet.
i dont know what to do to stop this. he wasnt doing it before he went to his dads. and im worried that he could seriously injury my son one of thes times.

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Marcie - posted on 12/22/2011

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You know from what i am picking up on about what you are saying about your nephew he just might be spending to much time with his cousin because my niece was the same way with my daughter,we all lived under the same roof and they had no problems at all but then after my daughter got to a certain age my niece felt the need to be mean at times which of course i didn't like it at all one halloween she ripped my daughters costume hat right off her head and my daughter cried but after we figured it was to much time of them being together and started seperating them here and there they ended up as the best of friends in the end :-).And about your sister.......all I will say and don't get offended but why does she feel that her bf is more important?will he be there later on to hear he son ask her why weren't you there?will she ever forgive herself for missing all those precious moments of mother hood???women like your sister make me kinda angry for the fact of they created the child and had them ect but don't wanna support them or take care of them!why bring a child into the world if your not going to care for it???I had someone on my friends list who pond there son off on there sister and he was premie!!she kept saying oh i want him home i want him home ect but sure as hek enough he cam home and about not hardly even a month after he was living with her sister!!!I do frown on people who don't put there kids first because they fail to realise when you have kids it isn't about you anymore it is about the child end of story!And the daycare thing i don't trust daycares at all either,I never put my daughter in one and don't plan to put my son in one either,my daughter started pre-k this year and my son will be in pre-k next year and lucky for me seeing as how i got one of each I am not gonna have anymore because two is enough and one of each is just a pure blessing :-).I wish you luck on what's to come and tell your sister if she gives you the I'm older and know more story again just say to her how many times are you gonna sing that lame azz song?lol sorry but it's true.Good luck to you,your nephew will thank you for being there for him later on just you see :-)

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Kay - posted on 12/27/2011

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Your 13 mo. old son was shoved hitting his head on the cement floor,on steel grates,the corner of filing cabinets,etc.? He hit his head over and over again on these objects during this day and you could not stop it? What are we supposed to think when you describe this situation.Your son depends on you to protect him. You saw this happening, you were worried that he could seriously injury your son and you allowed this to happen over and over again on this day to a 13 mo. old? You do not like my reply and resent being called irresponsible ? The concern here is the 13 mo. baby. Please get counseling to help you with your situation. This is child abuse .

Kelina - posted on 12/22/2011

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It might be worth trying the pack n play as a time out zone. My son was more inclined to listen when i threatened with time out when we started putting him in his crib. I didn't want his bed associated with him being disciplined either but found that it actually worked better than anything else. One difference there was between bedtime and time outs was that we would take all his blankets out for time out. He hated it. It got through to him really fast that freaking out when told no was not appropriate. Also if the pack n plays are different colors, try putting him in the one that's not his for time out. That might help differentiate between time out and nap time.

Nicki - posted on 12/22/2011

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the y cant get out of the office, there is only a door into the the office from outside and out into the shop, they are both heavy and swing closed immediatly so we dont really use baby gates in them as they can cause more issues than they prevent. the only playpen type things that we have for them anymore are pack-n-plays that they nap in, they use to have a playyard fencing there but they are BIG boys for their ages and both of them where able to pick up sections of it and move it. they end up mashing each others fingers or toes under it, or pinching each others fingers in the joints of it. i tryed to separate them as best as i could but the only place to put them is on the couch which they will imeditaly get off of or in the pack-n-play wich is where they take their naps so i dont realy want it assositated with punishment.

Kelina - posted on 12/22/2011

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:) Nicki I have a sister like that. And yet it's amazing when you actually compare the two situations. I absolutely understand about the daycare situation, it's awesome that you're able to bring them to work with you. Do you have gates up so that they can't get out of the office? Is it possible to have a playpen set up as a time out area? or to allow the boys some time to play apart from eachother if they need some space? I know sometimes my son just needs a break from his sister. It's possible that when your nephew is acting out it's his way of saying he's overwhelmed and needs some time to himself. It's not necessarily that your son is doing anything, he's just in his bubble so to speak :)

Nicki - posted on 12/21/2011

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My sister sent him to his father for the week. though i dont like him being with his father im glad i dont have to deal with him at the moment.
Kay- to call me irresponsible and saying that i failed to protect my son is absolutly uncalled for. by the way i think i should mention that my sisters, my cousins, and i all grew up playing in mechanic shops WITHOUT any real injuries mostly just scrapes or mashed fingers.
I am taking care of 2 toddlers in the office of the mechanic shop while helping run the office. Im making their snacks and lunch, cleaning up after their meals, cleaning up toys, reading them books, cleaning out diaper pails, cleaning up various messes they make, and filling sippy cups. I also help the customers, answer phones, do paper work, and check on the vehicals that are currently being worked. I can not stand over the kids 24/7, i dont know anyone who can.
also the shop is a better environment for my son and nephew than the local daycares. my oldest nephew, who is 3, was in 3 different daycares for a total of 9 months and ended up in the hospital twice (once with a broken finger and once with a severe concusion, a HUGE knot on his head, and his face covered in deep scrapes) from having kids gang up on him WITHOUT a teacher near by, and according to them they have know idea how he got hurt. and with my aunts conections with the daycares and preschools in the area i know too much about to many of them to send my child there.
I was trying to correct the behavior as it was happening but it was not doing any good.
and as for my sister she doesnt listen to anything anyone says, so as much as id love for her to take more resposibility for her son its not going to happen. She is the older sister (shes 25 and im 23) and in her mind that means she is more mature and has the right to tell me what to do and how to live my life. she also thinks that just because she lived outside our parents house for a few years that she knows all there is to know about how you are supposed to live and spend money and is more responsible.

Brittany - posted on 12/19/2011

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I guess at this age..you need to start time outs. Nothing gets through to a child better than being made to sit still and not play with his toys. First you need to get down eye to eye with him and tell him "you do not push! That is very bad'' and then put him on the couch or in a corner, somewhere that you can keep an eye on him and make sure he completes the time out. Hes 19 mos, so Id put him there for 2 minutes. If it persists, take away his toys and continue time outs. And from what you say about your sister, she also needs to step in and be a mother to her son. He probably feels a little neglected and abandoned, so he is going to act out to get any kind of attention he can. Your sister needs to start worrying a little less about herself and pay more attention to her child, which should be number one always!

Kay - posted on 12/17/2011

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Where were you when all this was happening? Even you were right there, the first time you saw it happen you should have separated the children . To say that it happened too many times to count in a short period of time is irresponsible. The objects that you described that he was shoved against could have caused very serious damage to your son. A mechanic's shop is not the best place for 2 toddlers. Your first job is to protect your son from harm .You failed to do this . Keep the children separated until you are sure this behavior has stopped. It sounds like you are enabling your sister to be an irresponsible Mom . Working is one thing but spending time with her bf without her son is another. Set boundaries with your sister and insist she take more responsibility for her son. This is a separate issue from the problem of her son shoving your son and causing him to fall on to hard surfaces. Sorry for being so blunt but I would not put your son in a similar situation for fear of his safety.

Nicki - posted on 12/17/2011

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he doesnt usually get any attention from doing this other than to be told "no thats bad" and then i usually pick up my son because hes crying.

Kelina - posted on 12/17/2011

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how do you react to him doing this? this behaviour is not ok, but from what you've said it's probably a cry for attention. When he acts up he gets attention. Try some positive reinforcement, making a big deal of it when he does things well. Whether you like it or not, you're probably the biggest constant in your nephews life, how you react and how you treat him will make a big difference.

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