Help need advice on how to keep from lossing my self.

Jennifer - posted on 09/16/2009 ( 21 moms have responded )

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I am a mother of four and I stay at home with my two year old and lately I have been feeling like I don't remember who I am. I don't have a car to get anywhere and I don't have any friends with kids. What can I do to the things I like still going and still do the things with my kids. I have tryed going to school online but that is just making me fustrated. If anyone has advice I would like to hear it.

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Julie - posted on 09/16/2009

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So everyone on here likes the computer. Use that as a tool to find places to go and groups to join. Libraries have story time and there are MOPS groups at churches. Once you get involved in a group that has other SAHM's you can take turns watching each others kids for an hour or two so you can have some alone time to take a bath or read a book uninterrupted or go to the store to pick up those few items you've been needing. That's the best advise I can give. Get involved in a small group os some sort so you can actually have adult conversation.

Dana - posted on 09/17/2009

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I say... EXPRESS YOURSELF! Think back when you were younger! Draw! Paint! Bake! Create! and you can even do this with your two year old! Or by yourself! Seeing finished projects can make you feel like you've accomplished something! anything!



I also don't watch tv... I turn the radio up, shake my groove thing, with or without my kids! I have 3 kids and 6 months preggers... Kids think ur so funny too when you have fun, they have fun!



Also, i have a night routine... kids in bed by 8:00 every school night. 5 dinner is cooking, 6 dinner is being eaten/family talk story time, 7 showers/stories/card & board games/drawing/coloring/kids time with me sometimes with dad too, 8 bed time. No tv or anything electronic is allowed after 6. this is not for religious reasons... but for sanity reasons... LOL! our family is really close. if the radio is on, its classical and at a very low volume... after they are down for the count... It's Mommy time again!!! Weehoo!



Scrapbook! Create a website for your family! Coordinate a family get together, or even a playdate with friends! Have a Kid Friendly Mixer! You can do all of these with or without ur hubby around! "Success comes in cans, not can'ts" ^_^ You're a mother of four! You are supermom by now!!! and besides, its sooo true what they say "When mommy's not happy, no one is" My home is happy! =) Yours can be too!

Nitza - posted on 09/16/2009

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On the same boat too!! Trust me it doesnt make a diffrence having a car!! i understand very well how overwhelming it gets to being at home 24 hours a day!! One thing we can do is talk too each other the more we can keep some kind of conversation between the people that responded to your post so we have something to do!? i know the computer gets boring too sometimes but hey its worth a try

Shannon - posted on 09/16/2009

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This may sound a little much or wierd even but get envolved with your neighbors. Do a few bbq's for your closest neighbors. Do it in the day time, that way you can meet the 'real' them. Maybe even do a game night, or even just invite some of your neighbors to go with you to the park. Get a intense hobby like scrapbooking or photography. Maybe try and attend church and the activities they put on.



Staying busy with things other than your children and their lives is important. Its so easy to forget yours while building theirs. Your children's "foundation" for everything comes from what you teach them, even when your not teaching them by mouth.



The best thing I did for myself was reminding myself of who I am and why I wanted to have kids. Then remembering that my life is about me, not my kids. Its about what you want for you and your kids. Since your kids are important you have to remember them but don't forget the reason they are here. YOU!

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Donna - posted on 09/29/2009

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you are at the place in life that you need a great church there is always people there and having GOD in your life is always great not to mention the benefits of the church mommys day out other mothers and kids for yours to grow with

Cindy - posted on 09/24/2009

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I am a mother of twins and I too stay at home. I so remember feeling that way too. I ran into an old friend who quit her cooperate job to sell jewelry. She told me about Premier and my husband and I went to an opportunity meeting and decided to give it a try. I had never done anything like it and we were nervous, but we needed the extra money. I love it!!!! Premier was started in 1985 and is a debt free company based on biblical principal. They strive to serve and work with honesty. It has changed my life. Not only am I making money 50% of what I sell, but it gets me out of the house in the evenings. I can talk with other women and get myself dressed up a bit. I love it. It is no pressure. You can work as little or as much as you want. Let me know if you want more info, but it truely has been a blessing for our family and has made me feel like a woman again and not just a mom/wife. My e

Maria - posted on 09/23/2009

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You never really lose yourself! Your there deep down inside, you just have to find a way to lure her out again. I have 4 girls my youngest just went to school this year. I have no car. I am home, I am reconnecting with friends I have not seen in 20 yrs. lol aging myself. If school is frustrating you then maybe your not ready for that. Tell you DH you need a me night and use it . go to a coffee shop and sit or wander a mall just something.I heard on the NJ housewives one of the husbands say "happy wife happy life" and its so true!! I say to my DH all the time.. between you and me I think he is sick of it. but I want a puppy and he wants to wait a couple months. I have been very unhappy in life I was in a car accident where I broke my neck. I was told everyone else who hit where I did was DOA for me it was a wake up call and I realized life is short only I can make it what its going to be. I still have days where Im over whelmed or I feel so alone but I put music on loud and sing .. corny but It helps me. Good luck and there are alot of moms here including me , if you ever need someone to talk just friend us and Im sure we will listen!!

Treva - posted on 09/22/2009

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I know exactly how you feel. I dont live in too small of a town but alot of the moms around here work and they think I'm weird cuz i dont. Anyways what helps me feel better is I read my bible. Because if anybody understands it's Jesus and maybe pray for some friends to find who have the same things in common with you. Hope this helps. God Bless!

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Hi there, Im a sahm also and it can get isolating .What i did was join playgroups with my daughter if you can walk or catch the bus there that would be great.



I have met friends for myself and my daughter join more then 1 we go to 3...best thing i could have done for me and my daughter,you need to get out amongst the community so that you have adult company.



so look things up and figure out whats around you for you childrens age and i promise you that when they get older it gets easier,you are doing a great job so keep that in your mind each day..I wish you all the very best..;-)

Tam - posted on 09/19/2009

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Hi, my oldest is about to turn 4 and I have only just started meeting other SAHMs in my town. We moved to a small town from the city and I went a bit stir crazy for a while wondering if I was ever going to make a friend with stuff in common. It wasn't until my oldest started kindergarten at age 3 that I started to meet other mums. I am a bit shy so it was hard but I had to just bite the bullet, walk up and say Hi and hope I eventually made a couple of friends. It worked, I know have 2 SAHM friends in our little town and we catch up once a week for coffee and do the birthday thing for our kids. It takes time but if you go looking you'll find new friends and activites.

Nicole - posted on 09/18/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:

Help need advice on how to keep from lossing my self.

I am a mother of four and I stay at home with my two year old and lately I have been feeling like I don't remember who I am. I don't have a car to get anywhere and I don't have any friends with kids. What can I do to the things I like still going and still do the things with my kids. I have tryed going to school online but that is just making me fustrated. If anyone has advice I would like to hear it.


I feel your pain. I too have had times in my life like this At times when I have been without a car I walk or use public transport.Are you geographically isolated too? If you are a move might be in order. Have you looked into mothers connect groups and playgroups in your area? you so need some adult conversation.



I am a single mum to two girls and I ended up doing volunteer work, helping other Mums to give me a purpose and a social life, it makes me realise how fortunate I am. I also took up gardning and grow my own food, go to scrapbooking classes and I play guitar and I am teaching myself how to cook indian food.. The trick is to remember who you were and what you loved doing before you became a Mum and see if you can incorporate it into your routine.Get out of the house. !! I found walking very motivating too. All that oxygen to the brain and sunshine. Its easy to get into a rut. Being a mother can be very groundhog day at times. Even the odd self administered beauty treatment can work wonders.



f all else fails I grab the kids and put on some music and we dance. If you have no babysitters keep in mind some of the local clubs have kids facillities for up to three hours providing you remain on the premises and they have courtesy buses. Check the local paper to see whats going on around the place and your local neighbourhood centre probably holds lots of activities. Don't forget the local parks and if all else fails check out your local churches. If they have a strong womens or mothers ministry they will have activities to cater for everyone and gives you an opportunity to meet new people. The salvation army provide welfare assistance once a week , holds weekly activities and sundays they have history makers for kids, and they are a very supportive and nurturing environment. Some of them have transport vehicles and often you will find someone who's willing to help get you there.



Sorry hope I haven't overloaded you If I could narrow down an area I could give you heaps more specific contacts and resources.  Just remember the happier healthier and fuller a life you lead will have a positive impact on your children too. Feel free to message me If I can be of more assistance I have plenty of life experience xx

Pam - posted on 09/17/2009

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O.M.G. I sooo know how you feel. I have no friends who are stay at home Moms. I bought myself 2 workout dvds and now I have about 20. I love working out. I don't think that anything really takes away that feeling of loosing yourself, you just have to find something to take your mind of it for a little while. It's a great privilage to be a stay at home Mom. Enjoy every minute of it Honey Bunch!! :-)

Ruth - posted on 09/16/2009

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I like to read a lot (and i somehow manage to still find time to), so I read books on what interests me, not just brainless fluffy novels (not that there's anything wrong with them, it's just if I read ONLY them, I feel like my brain starts disintegrating). I majored in Linguistics in colleges, so I get books about languages and English grammar from the library and read them. I really love to cook, so I get different cookbooks--different styles and cuisines (low fat, vegetarian, korean, indian, lebanese, japanese, russian, whatever takes my fancy that day) and maybe try a few recipes. When we get settles and buy a house someday, I want a garden, (and we have a container garden on the front porch now), so I get books about gardening and preserving/canning for ideas on what to do now and later. I like to sew, at least a little bit, so I get books with ideas for projects. There's lots of things you can do all by yourself, as long as you can get to the library on occasion.

Michelle - posted on 09/16/2009

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I understand your delima.I have a very active 3 yr old,I also have a 10 yr old in school and a 19 yr who is in the Marines,I never get to go anyplace without the 3 yr old.His dad works at a ship yard 10 hrs a day,he is to tired to babysit.I need advice too..I feel like I am becoming more depressed.We also have no family or friends in the town we just moved to.Over 150 miles from friends and family.

Carrie - posted on 09/16/2009

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I am in the same boat...i am with my 2 yr old and 6 month old and feel like i have done lost my mind lol...i also have 7 yr old who is in school during the day whew!!...we have only ONE car and hubby takes that back and forth to work...i dont see it practical for me to have cus i dont really need it cus i have no place to go...i guess about all we can do is keep in contact with each other here :)

Tina - posted on 09/16/2009

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I know how you feel. I can feel myself slipping away from who I thought I was. I have three kids and am also stuck at home most of the time. I live in fairly small community so there aren't a lot of things to do for women like us. I'm looking forward to advice on this as well, most of the people I know don't have kids and don't like hanging out with kids. Rather limiting. I wish I could help you more. I do suggest keeping a journal maybe find a hobby you can do at home.

Jennifer - posted on 09/16/2009

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I don't know that is what I am trying to stay away from. People always tell me get away take time to yourself but with me I can not take time to myself. I always have the kids and my husband works long hours so by the time he gets home he doesn't want to watch the kids because he is tired from working.

Linda - posted on 09/16/2009

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I am in the same boat. Believe me it dose not make a differance that I have a car. I live in a small town I have tried a lot of things to connect with other also and have failed. Many tears shed on many days, feeling alone. I don't know what the answer is but don't give up trying, I am here for you. SMILE it will be ok. With Love

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