Help SAHM with a 4yr daughter wants another but hubby doesn't :(

Sarah - posted on 06/13/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Im a SAHM with a 4yr old daughter Iv always wanted 2 kids. an my hubby only wants one but he know how badly I want another child. He has brought my hopes up every now and then and says we can than he kills my heart by telling me he doesn't want anymore and just told me to ge me off his back. But about 2 or 3 weeks after he broke my heart he asked me again if I still wanted 2 childrend.... "YES" do you think hes still thinking about adding??? I really need other moms input... My hubby is an only and the last of his last name we need to try for a boy I don't care i just want another and a healthy child. My daughter is not even picky about a boy or girl anymore she just wants a baby brother or sister. So my question kinda is do i let him bring it back up or do i? PLEASE HELP

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Sarah - posted on 06/18/2010

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Thanks so much girls. My hubby and I had a sit down talk Wensday night and I got everything out and so did he. He knows how badly I want another child but he didn't know that when i had my yearly on monday all the baby things I saw and had to ask my dr to give me a min. He was vary soothing (my hubby) And he told me that he did have a change of heart awile back but didn't want to tell me untill he knew for shour. He said we can start to try bc he would like to try for a boy but he doen't care what we conseve as long as the babt is healthy. Thank his next question was do I was to be Pregers when we go on vacation next month. I said yes so we can tell the whole family together well Amy our 4yr can tell everyone. He is so excited he already to me to clean out the extra room. Its almost done. And bring the crib down so we all know how he feels. This mama cryed tears of joy.. Daddy is happy of the age gap we will have once we conceve. Thank you once again for all your words of hope. I can't express how happy Iam and im not even pregers yet next week we start trying. :)

Angelina - posted on 06/16/2010

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i think you might be (no offense) resdentful that your husband has all these things to do and to preocupy his time. you have a four year she should be in headstart and stuff tlike that right? maybe you just need to find something to fill that empty time. Im thinking that you should still let your husband know that you want another. talk it over. if he just says NO try to figure out the reason.i know my boyfriend doesnt want another cause he really hates loud obstructive noises. (thats a baby for you) but we still discuss it and some days its a yes some days its a no. but its not completely off the table. plus if its meant to be itll happen

Sarah - posted on 06/16/2010

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Thanks Kellie. My husband has always known that Iv always wanted 2 children we have been married 4years and together 6 and hes just resently told me that he only has wanted 1 child and waited untill now to tell me. Even when hes told me that we will have another and he did kill my heart bc hes selfish if its not good for him he doesn't like it or want it. He likes his toys (quad and motorcycle) and going to his vollyball leage. Anything to do what he wants. Please don't get me wrong I love him but why did he have to wait this long to tell me he doens't want anymore. But it was ok to have Amy and now that he knows what being a parent takes. IDK but thanksfor your input i really do lissen to what eveyone has to say. I take bits from everyone.

Kellie - posted on 06/14/2010

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YIKES! You seem to be very preoccupied with this second baby Sarah and believe me i understand the desire. I also have a four year old daughter and have always wanted two kids. I never agreed to just one, but my husband is not ready to have a second baby. He wants to please me, but he is not ready for it yet. We discuss it but I would never say he "kills" my heart when he is being honest about how he feels. What if your plan backfires and your husband becomes resentful that you tricked him? Slow down and take stock of what you already have. A loving husband and a wonderful, healthy, sweet and supportive four year old. My husband is also the last male in his family and as much as having a boy would bless our lives, carrying the family legacy is the last reason for wanting him. Children should not have a "job" when they come into our lives. They should not be burdened with fulfilling a dream of ours, carrying on the family bloodline, or repairing a damaged relationship. They come into the family and add to it. We watch to see who they are going to become not already have a role for them to fill. I am 38 years old and i resist the temptation every day to think that time is running out for me. When the time is right, our second child will come into our family and my husband and I will be blessed, happy, and able to enjoy the experience together. My best advice is to stop bringing it up, avoid using words like breaking/killing my heart, and try to see things from your husband's point of view. Sometimes a little compassion goes a long way. Sarah, it's gonna be ok. It is all going to work out in the end but you want a healthy and happy marriage to raise your family with, right? I hope this has helped.

Christy - posted on 06/14/2010

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Stop using birth control and go for it. If it happens, it happens. He sounds like he can't make up his mind and if you announced you were pregnant I don't think he'd be too disappointed!

Sarah - posted on 06/14/2010

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thank you so much Alina I really needed to hear something like that. I pray everyday and try not to talk about it with my hubby. I just had my yearly ob appt. It heart so bad and my dr knows how badly i want another i even cryed.. Its nice that people understand what im going thought. Everything with him is $$ and not about teh quality/fun memories of life you make as a family he wants things. Ill just keep my head held high and carry on and keep praying... ♥ ♥ ♥

Alina - posted on 06/14/2010

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I married a man who already had three kids, so he was only willing for us to have one. But he didn't tell me he didn't want more until after we were married and our son was about 18 months old. It broke my heart, but I kept quiet about it with him, and only talked to God and my sister about my desire to have another child. I really did hurt, but I prayed (ALOT!!!) and told God about my desires, even while accepting my husband's plans not to have another baby. I was content with everything and my son was turning two when I found out I was pregnant! Nothing had changed about our birth control methods, so I was pretty shocked. But my husband was so happy, and said he knew the sex of the baby and everything. He was right, too, and now I have two babies, a boy and a girl (and she looks just like her Daddy). Then the greatest shocker: he confessed to me that he'd changed his mind about another baby but didn't want me to get my hopes up if it didn't happen, so he didn't tell me about his change of heart. I believe very much that God will bless you with another child if you give your desires to Him and rest about it. It's hard when you're going through it, but I'm proof that trusting God with your desires works :)

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