Help!! Share your thoughts...need advice

Danielle - posted on 01/07/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Help!! I have a one year old who can not go to sleep on her own! I was told to let her "cry it out" and I am not comfortable with this method because I feel it makes her lose her trust and sense of security with me and I feel it is unnessacry stress on her. I know this is my fault because I held her since she was born, due to issues, but I dont know what to do anymore, taboot she sleeps in my bed. When she falls asleep and I put her in her crib she wakes up and flips out until she is in my bed!!! Please any suggestions would help!!

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Sarah - posted on 01/11/2012

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Your story sounds just like mine. My daughter also had medical issues and was held a lot during the first year of life. Also slept in our bed up to then. I also was against CIO for fear she would lose her trust in me. I also tried putting her in her crib once she was asleep, and she'd wake up screaming, then I'd bring her in my bed, When she was 13 months, I eventually got fed up with being up several times a night, not being able to roll over, declining relationship with my hubby due to her being in our bed, delayed physical milestones (related to her medical issue and her being held), etc. One day I did just let her cry it out. It took 3 hours! It was horrible, but the next day was less, and the day after that even less, and after about a week was settling by herself when I laid her down awake, and sleeping through the night. She still trusts that I'll be there, if she wakes up crying, I do attend to her. I don't believe that she has lost any sense of security in me (it was my greatest fear too). She gladly receives her cuddles and love during the day. For us, it was the best decision. Even though I resisted this suggestion by many well-meaning family members, in the end, it was the only thing that worked, and all my issues with having to hold her all the time are resolved. Good luck with whatever you try, I know it's hard, but things'll get better.

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Determined - posted on 01/11/2012

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How about trying to sit in there in a chair so she doesn't feel alone. Maybe nights lights. I had this issue with my daughter and I sat next to her crib and rubbed her back until she would fall asleep. If she woke up I went in to comfort her which reinforced her trust, little by little i decreased the amount of time I sat with her until she understood that she could fall asleep without me next to her. She is 2.5 now and sleeps in her own room & bed now, but she still insists we leave her door open until she falls asleep.

Caroline - posted on 01/07/2012

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it is hard but i let my son self settle when he was little but i do suggest that if still crying after a long time go in and settle baby down. also slowly increase the time you wait before going in to settle. if dad is around get him to help out by alternating. And yes there will be sleeplessness for you. hope it all works out for you.

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