Help! Too much chores and I refuse to do them!

Zinnia - posted on 10/02/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Well, how can I explain this... Lately, I'm feeling overwhelmed and frustated with all the household chores. I live with my hubby-to-be (ADHD), our 1 year old son, a large breed dog and a cat (it seems easy, right?) but once I wake up to start my "beautiful day"... Bang!!! The house a mess, my son taking his diaper off and playing with it (sheets and crib become BROWN!), the dog took the trash can and spread all the trash around the house and the cat urine in the bathroom. Good thing... it is not everyday but when all of them happens on the same day... plus all the rest of chores ufff my humor goes bad! I begin to fight about every little thing that's on the way and my hubby is the one who receive all that.

All of the above it is not the problem, I know it's me!

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Joanne - posted on 10/02/2009

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One thing that i found helped is one major chore a day - i do the dishes and washing everyday - but other jobs like, ironing, hoovering and dusting, i chose one a day. Stuff the rest. Life is too short to be constantly cleaning, and if you are you probably have an OCD anyway - hehe - sometimes my house looks messier than other days - but you know what - i have a 5 month old a 9 year old - and that is my life - stuff what other people think. One day and one chore at a time, good luck.x

Jackie - posted on 10/03/2009

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I found it interesting you put in the ADHD... and I think its very important. My husband, whom I have been together with for over 13 years now is ADD. And yes this does effect the whole household. My children are ADD free but show characteristics of ADD along with me. Its not just genetic its a learned behaviour. I have learned over the years and 2 children later I need to ask him to do things. He doesn't read minds and he sure doesn't think "Hey the dishes haven't been done today maybe I should take the 10 minutes to do them". So remember he can't read your mind and even tho he is working its his home too and he should be helping out. Don't feel bad asking him to do anything either. I know as wives we think "I shouldn't have to ask" but reality is husbands and children NEED to be asked. So if its a big chore due to neglect then ask him to do one thing WITH you a day. If its a small chore and you have been doing it all week then just ask him if he can do it for you today!! Having him help out even a small amount will make you feel less over whelmed.

[deleted account]

I totally understand how you're feeling. Though I must say, my day doesn't sound nearly as hectic as yours (we have no pets, and our son is only 4 months old, so he can't really get into trouble yet). The big things are super stressful, but the little things can add up and become overwhelming too. I'm still struggling to get my house completely clean and organized.



One thing that has helped me is telling myself that I won't go to bed until all the dishes are cleaned. We don't have a dishwasher, and if we let it go for a day, it turns into a week and before I know it, all the dishes are dirty and I have to spend an hour or two washing dishes. Another thing I do is folding laundry while watching a TV show.



I don't know if you are religious, but I find that praying makes such a big difference on my attitude about things. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy when I'm taking care of my baby, but if I just take a couple seconds to say a quick prayer, I can't help but thank God for sending me such a sweet and beautiful baby, for giving me the gift of motherhood. And when I get frustrated with my husband, I just say a little prayer and I thank God for sending me someone who could love me as much as my husband does, and then I quickly apologize if I have said or done anything unkind.



I hope this helps, and I hope more people share some tips, because I am working on this too!

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Zinnia - posted on 10/04/2009

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That's a good idea! We had tried the humor but not enough, we need to be more consistent with that.

Sometimes when I tell him to do something what he'll do is repeat and/or imitate exactly what I'm telling him, in a funny way like... If I asked him to take trash out, he would say "OMG Zinnia you haven't take the trash can out???! Bad Zinnia!!" Then I laughed! It's inevitable! hehe

Thanks Jackie and the other moms for your tips! More tips and suggestions are welcome

Thanks Again ;~)

Jackie - posted on 10/03/2009

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We use humour a lot!! For example one of my husbands ADD traits is when he is bored he will kinda verbally poke at you. Nothing mean or anything like that.. just general bugging and teasing. But mentally after a bit its like a kid just poking you in the arm over and over again. So I just turn to him and smile and say "ADD Much?" And he laughs and realize he is driving me crazy and finds something to keep himself busy with.



I totally understand about the asking over and over again. For a while, I had to say things like "this is now the 2nd time I have asked... when do you think you are going to do it?" You have to find polite ways to nicely point out how many times you have asked and ask them to own up to it and give a time line. We use a lot of humour with this one to. I definitely pick my battles and also leave things to make a point. Christmas of '07 I took down all the decorations and put it all away. But its his job to put it out in the garage because its a loft and I'm only 5'3". Its physically impossible for me to climb that ladder and carry a 7' Christmas tree in a box !! Well it sat in my living room for months!!! I'm not kidding!!! I reminded him a couple of times on the weekend but he never did it. EASTER rolled around. Good Friday, I looked him right in the eye and said "I know for a fact that Easter bunny will be seriously offended if this Christmas tree is still here while he is trying to hide his chocolates!!" He killed himself laughing and took it out. Christmas of '08 I put away everything and said "The tree is ready to go out when do you think you will get to it?" He laughed and said "At least by Good Friday!" and I responded with "You mean at least by this Sunday?". And sure enough he took it out that weekend!



I have also found that he strives on his routines. So I always remind him how important my routines are. I'm a pretty laid back person and don't really care for routines. But I find my day goes smoother with him and the kids if they think I'm on a routine and they can't ruffle moms feathers and routine.

Zinnia - posted on 10/03/2009

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Quoting Jackie:

I found it interesting you put in the ADHD... and I think its very important. My husband, whom I have been together with for over 13 years now is ADD. And yes this does effect the whole household. My children are ADD free but show characteristics of ADD along with me. Its not just genetic its a learned behaviour. I have learned over the years and 2 children later I need to ask him to do things. He doesn't read minds and he sure doesn't think "Hey the dishes haven't been done today maybe I should take the 10 minutes to do them". So remember he can't read your mind and even tho he is working its his home too and he should be helping out. Don't feel bad asking him to do anything either. I know as wives we think "I shouldn't have to ask" but reality is husbands and children NEED to be asked. So if its a big chore due to neglect then ask him to do one thing WITH you a day. If its a small chore and you have been doing it all week then just ask him if he can do it for you today!! Having him help out even a small amount will make you feel less over whelmed.


The problem is that I ask him to help me and he agree... but then he forgets! I keep asking and asking and asking over and over again til my patience wears out! I feel like a parrot repeating every word all day! For example, the dining room, we can't eat there! There's too many things that he's using but I'd been telling him to put all his things away for a week now and it still there. He always tell me he's going to do it, but I get tired of waiting and then I have tons of chores accumulated. 



How do you cope with an ADD/ADHD? Woww



13 years! I want to get there with him!

Jenn - posted on 10/03/2009

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Sometimes you have to learn to let some things go. I don't go crazy with the cleaning, or stress about it, but my house never looks dirty. Sure I may have that pile of papers waiting to be filed away, a basket of folded laundry waiting to be put away, oh yeah and the 2 boxes with the new light fixtures waiting to be installed (those have been sitting there for FAR too long LOL), but overall everything looks all right. Things like laundry and dishes get done on an as needed basis, and other things like vacuuming and dusting I usually do 1 a day so it doesn't seem like so much. Yesterday I vacuumed, today I'll clean the bathrooms, tomorrow dusting............ And I agree with Jackie - don't be afraid to ask for help from hubby. I find I could be sitting there washing dishes or folding laundry at the end of the day and sometimes hubby will just help out but other times I don't think he even thinks about it, but if I ask him to help (the key being asking - not nagging that he doesn't do anything as this will only upset him and you'll see LESS results) he will help.

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