How can I get things done?

Christina - posted on 11/27/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My son is 7 1/2 months old. I cannot get anything done around the house, I can only get to the bathroom when I absolutely have to go. If I am not sitting RIGHT next to my son, he screams screams SCREAMS! I don't have any clue what to do. If I put him in the jumper he will cry unless I am looking at him. As soon as I shift my ass to get up he goes from 0 to 60 before I am up!!!! I have tried just letting him cry it out. A few times he has fallen asleep crying, but then woke up and started where he left off. I know nothing physical is wrong cause when he is freaking out if I pick him up it all stops in a second. I understand he needs attention and I give it to him but I would love to figure out how to give him attention and get the house cleaned or even take a shower :-( I need advice Moms. I have migraines and headaches everyday, even on my prescription headache medicine my head pounds from listening to him scream all day long. I am with him 24-7 and I love him but my goodness...

17 Comments

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Heather - posted on 11/30/2009

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Sidenote: Not letting him cry & work it out independently has not hindered his sense of independence. While he is quite attached to me, he is capable & willing to play & explore on his own. He is also extremely confident in himself, as well as our love for him. The only adverse effect that I can express is the imbalance in our relationship. As I said, he is very attached to me; however, I have no doubts that in another ten years, he will be just as embarrassed by my presence as any other teenager!

Heather - posted on 11/30/2009

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My little one was the same way when he was younger & still can be at 2-1/2. We tried to let him cry a couple of times, but it just didn't feel right for our family. I finally had to concede to that fact that the other stuff could wait. I then took full advantage of his naps & the times when he'd go with hubby or visit family--whether that meant cleaning, napping or showereing. This was especially difficult when I was finishing my Master's degree and later when I was working. I have found he's outgrown much of the "neediness" on his own (increased mobility & the ability to come & find me has helped, no doubt). Now, he still wants to be right with me at times with my full attention, but I usually only have to take a short time-out from what I'm doing to cuddle him or play with him. He is an only child, & we aren't sure we'll have another. I have to remind myself sometimes that he is only going to be this age ONE TIME! One day, I am going to desperately miss these days!!

Michelle - posted on 11/30/2009

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When my baby is asleep, I take advantage of cleaning the house or take my shower. She's a good baby and sometimes sleep longer during the way which gives me more time to do some chores. But you know, babies easily get bored and want their parents attention. So what my hubby and I did is put her in a place where she can play with her toys. The toys keep her busy and if she really wanted to see us all the time, we put her in her high chair while we're busy doing chores and she like it when she's where the action is. If she's tired of sitting and wants to lie but doesn't want to be alone, we put her in her playpin and bring the playpin where we are. We also talk to her while doing chores which make her happy that she's not ignored.

[deleted account]

Quoting Sara:



Quoting Sara:




Quoting Sara:





Quoting Sara:

Here's the research you asked for:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article...










Sara, thanks. I look forward to reading it.












Sara, I read the articles. I agree with some of the issues they bring up. However, I can poke holes in some of the research and arguments they make. I'm not going to though (that won't help anyone). Instead, I'm going to suggest a book. People can read the articles and the book and make up their own minds. It's called, "On Becoming Baby Wise" by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam.








Thanks for taking the time to post the research. I really do enjoy reading differing opinions, especially ones backed by research! Glad your methods work for you and your daughter. Mine work for me and my daughter. We can agree to disagree. :)










I didn't want to have a CIO debate because that is not what the OP asked for.  She sounded like she tried CIO and it didn't work for her so I offered other solutions.






 






Ezzo is not qualified in any way to give medical advice.  He has also been disowned by his own children hmmm..






Babywise has been linked to dehydration and failure to thrive.






http://ezzo.info/Aney/aneyaap.htm





She didn't try it consistently. And babywise worked for me and many people I know. Not every way is best for every person. That is why I said people can read both and make up their minds.

Wendy - posted on 11/30/2009

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He may be teething. How long has he been doing this for? I don't know, to me it sounds like he's in some kind of pain be it teething or something else. My son does get very clingy when he's teething and it interferes with his naps too.

Melany - posted on 11/29/2009

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Quoting Sara:

I'm with Trisha and Karen. No offense to the other Sara but I would LOVE to see that study. We used the CIO method with our daughter from the time she was a month old. I NEVER left her for long. She slept in a cradle next to my bed and we let her cry and learn to sleep on her own. BUT if the crying lasted more than 20 minutes or so we would calm her down and then put her back in the cradle before she fell asleep. She was sleeping 6 hours a night by 6 weeks. Now at 18 months she is the most amazing sleeper and rarely cries. Like Trisha said, during the daytime crying, when there is a lull in the screaming, go cuddle and play. I cuddle and play with my daughter all throughout the day while I'm in the middle of my chores. Also, when she trips and falls, I never run to her and pick her up. Of course, I make sure she is not seriously injured, but I let her whine for a second and pick herself back up.

On the contrary, I have friends that rock their babies. They do not sleep well. I have friends that go to their baby on every scream. They cry a lot. I have friends that cuddle their babies with every fall. They are drama queens and cry at every little bump and trip.

I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but I think many parents think that CIO parents are neglectful. In reality, we cuddle and play and love our babies just as much. Its just a different parenting style that works for many of us.

Tina, you can do it. It is totally worth it to let him cry for a week or so. You will both be healthier and happier in the long run.


I agree with u 100%!!!!!

[deleted account]

Quoting Sara:



Quoting Sara:




Quoting Sara:

Here's the research you asked for:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article...








Sara, thanks. I look forward to reading it.









Sara, I read the articles. I agree with some of the issues they bring up. However, I can poke holes in some of the research and arguments they make. I'm not going to though (that won't help anyone). Instead, I'm going to suggest a book. People can read the articles and the book and make up their own minds. It's called, "On Becoming Baby Wise" by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam.






Thanks for taking the time to post the research. I really do enjoy reading differing opinions, especially ones backed by research! Glad your methods work for you and your daughter. Mine work for me and my daughter. We can agree to disagree. :)






I didn't want to have a CIO debate because that is not what the OP asked for.  She sounded like she tried CIO and it didn't work for her so I offered other solutions.



 



Ezzo is not qualified in any way to give medical advice.  He has also been disowned by his own children hmmm..



Babywise has been linked to dehydration and failure to thrive.



http://ezzo.info/Aney/aneyaap.htm

Jonelle - posted on 11/29/2009

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you may find he is going through what we call seperation anxiety which is what they would get around the age the best thing is to try and find something he loves playing with and grab that and take it with you when your in another room and you wil find it does get better. Also the study and what the health people follow is you can let your child cry for an hour before you should go and tend them to them or you can try the 2 minute seperation where from the time they start crying leave for two minutes go to them but never pick him up just reassure him and you will find it will get better and resolve will be within a few days to a couple of weeks it worked for my daughter

E - posted on 11/29/2009

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yikes!... I remember that time... it was just a few months ago..... :-)

first off, let the baby cry, as long as you know he is in a safe place.... I have to put my girl down in her crib a lot, just beacuse she is VERY stubborn and refuses to fall asleep, even when she is sleepy....

i know it is not easy... I complained about the same thing and my husband bought a playpen... (looks like a cage!!), and I did not really like it... we did found a good use for it, we have it around the threadmill!!!....

when my gilr is taking her nap, that is my time... I cook, clean and shower during those times.... I do not clean the whole house in a day though, I take one room a day....

it get's easier with time... hang in there.....

[deleted account]

Quoting Sara:



Quoting Sara:

Here's the research you asked for:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article...






Sara, thanks. I look forward to reading it.





Sara, I read the articles. I agree with some of the issues they bring up. However, I can poke holes in some of the research and arguments they make. I'm not going to though (that won't help anyone). Instead, I'm going to suggest a book. People can read the articles and the book and make up their own minds. It's called, "On Becoming Baby Wise" by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam.



Thanks for taking the time to post the research. I really do enjoy reading differing opinions, especially ones backed by research! Glad your methods work for you and your daughter. Mine work for me and my daughter. We can agree to disagree. :)

Kara - posted on 11/28/2009

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Hey girl I had a mild case of this problem with my little girl when I would clean I would put her in a jumper or boppy and sing to her while i vaccuumed or played peek a boo while i showered it reassured her i was there i would also wrap her in my one of my shirts orr sweaters so it smelled like me. :-) But sometimes she just had to cry it out but i think it helped that she slept in her own bed, she has never slept in bed with me and my husband before and at 2 months I started getting her to put herself to sleep. It is hard cause you want them to need you but at the same time they need to know they can sleep on their own and sit without you right there they'll need you for more important things ;-) Good luck sweety!

[deleted account]

I'm with Trisha and Karen. No offense to the other Sara but I would LOVE to see that study. We used the CIO method with our daughter from the time she was a month old. I NEVER left her for long. She slept in a cradle next to my bed and we let her cry and learn to sleep on her own. BUT if the crying lasted more than 20 minutes or so we would calm her down and then put her back in the cradle before she fell asleep. She was sleeping 6 hours a night by 6 weeks. Now at 18 months she is the most amazing sleeper and rarely cries. Like Trisha said, during the daytime crying, when there is a lull in the screaming, go cuddle and play. I cuddle and play with my daughter all throughout the day while I'm in the middle of my chores. Also, when she trips and falls, I never run to her and pick her up. Of course, I make sure she is not seriously injured, but I let her whine for a second and pick herself back up.

On the contrary, I have friends that rock their babies. They do not sleep well. I have friends that go to their baby on every scream. They cry a lot. I have friends that cuddle their babies with every fall. They are drama queens and cry at every little bump and trip.

I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but I think many parents think that CIO parents are neglectful. In reality, we cuddle and play and love our babies just as much. Its just a different parenting style that works for many of us.

Tina, you can do it. It is totally worth it to let him cry for a week or so. You will both be healthier and happier in the long run.

[deleted account]

I hate CIO. I will never let my baby feel like she is alone or scared. Get a baby carrier and put him on you while you work. Babies that are close to their moms are proven to cry less (even when not being carried). I agree with the idea of bringing the pack n' play to each room. Talk to him while you work, sing to him, smile at him..etc. My daughter loves anything that lights up and makes sounds so she has several toys that do that and she'll play with them while I'm cleaning around her.

[deleted account]

I agree with Tricia. My boys are 7 years old and 5 years old. They both went through this. I felt I could not do anything either. What I did was put them in a safe place (a playpen). I was able to put that in whatever room I was in at the time, and just get stuff done around the house. If it got really bad, I put my MP3 player on with one earplug and focused on my work. I knew he was in a safe place where he couldn't get hurt, and I think it was about a week and they realized I was right there and they actually came to be okay and looked forward to playing in the playpen and stopped screaming.

Hope this helps.

Karen

[deleted account]

Let me guess - you rock him to sleep and he sleeps in your bed with you. I had this same problem with my 2 youngest girls. My husband could not stand the sound of a baby crying so I would constantly have to hold them, rock them, never leave their side when he was home. But here is what you NEED to do - for your own sanity and for the sake of that baby.



Ok this is going to sound harsh but you need to let that baby scream. It will take a few days maybe even a week but he will stop. Start off slowly let him scream for about 15 minutes but don't go back into him when he is screaming wait for a lull in the scream and then go in and cuddle him and let him know you love him and have not left him for long. Do this a couple times a day and everytime you put him down for a nap or nighttime. Then extend the time to 25 or 30 minutes. He will come to understand that you come to him when he is quiet and not screaming. What you are doing by running to him everytime he screams is training him that screaming is what gets your attention. You have to retrain him to know that scream does not bring you back. Listen for when he calms down and immediately go in (after the alloted time of course). It took my 5 year old (we did it when she was 18 months old) 10 days of screaming and my husband sleeping somewhere else for it to work but it is much better now.



If you have a chance pick up the book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Pediatrician Richard Ferber. I used a modified version of his. I put a chair in the room close to the bed and every night I would move it a few inches away from the crib until it was at the door then outside the door and finally not at all but the girls know I am right downstairs and can hear them.



Good luck and stick it out. It will get worse before it gets better but it will be worth all of the tears you will shed in the process. I know mine were.

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