How can I stop feeling this way.

Caitlin - posted on 02/16/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I just recently found out that my brother-in-law and his wife are expecting another baby. He has a five year old from a previous relationship and a six month old from him current. He got a girl pregnant a few years ago and she had an abortion. Now he is expecting another child and I feel like he doesnt deserve it. My husband and I have been trying for over a year to have another baby and it's so difficult for me to get excited about this. I know its wrong and I'll be the first to admit that Im jealous but this is eating me up inside. I dont like feeling this way. Every baby is a miracle but I cant get happy for them. I feel like he doesnt appreciate it enough. Help!!

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Hope - posted on 02/16/2010

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I had a very hard time conceiving our first child.. We had to go to countless doctors but in the end it worked out.

However I totally understand what you are feeling. You watch others who you feel don't need more or can't afford them, have more. Its an honest feeling and its Okay to feel this way.

I think its one of the hardest things to deal with when it comes to fertility problems. I found myself upset every time I would see some one that was expecting.

If you need some one to talk to Im here.. I understand the thoughts running in your mind and heart.

Caitlin - posted on 02/16/2010

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I would like to add that they do not even know that we know they are having another baby. They told my mother-in-law and she told my husband and I. So I have not and would never say anything rude to them about expecting another child. These thoughts I kept to myself because I know no one else can understand how Im feeling.

Carolee - posted on 02/16/2010

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My situation is the opposite of yours. I'm having my second child, and my sister has a less than 1% chance of ever becoming pregnant. I know her anger and her jealousy. I've felt it myself (I didn't think I could carry full term before I had my son... multiple miscarriages). It's okay to not think it's fair. It's not. But just because it's not fair for you doesn't mean it shouldn't happen for him and he doesn't deserve it. You deserve it, too... I'm not arguing that part in the slightest bit! You deserve to get pregnant and have a child.



It's okay that you're not happy for them. I know full well that my sister is not happy for my husband and I... and she's the one who married us! But I know, and my sister knows, that once the baby comes she will absolutely adore her niece as much as she adores her nephew. It takes time to get used to the idea of someone that close to you having another child when you are having problems doing the same. Just, please, try to keep it civil between your bro-in-law and yourself. You WILL have your child eventually, just like my sister will (they will have to adopt, but they will still have their child). Good luck... I hope I helped at least a tiny bit.

Amber - posted on 02/16/2010

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I really am sorry that you are having trouble conceiving, but now you get to be the cool auntie again. You don't have to be overjoyed for your brother but maybe you could look at it a little differently. Try to imagine having fun with your new niece or nephew, plying him/her with sugar and spoiling them with exciting and noisy toys. Then you get to hang out at home with your hubby while sending these adorable kidlets back to their parents. I am not being mean, I really am just thinking that maybe you would find it easier to think of you being the cool and exciting aunt, rather than your brother becoming a father again.

Rita - posted on 02/16/2010

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Caitlin,

First of all, I cant even begin to identify with your fertility issue, sorry about that. But, you have a right to your opinion. He is obviously someone who has no issue with fertility, and cant begin to understand what you are going through. I think you have a right to your opinion here, but saying so to his new wife, might make for some uncomfortable family gatherings in the future. I would not tell them of your lack of excitement, that would hurt her feelings. I so many people out there do not appreciate their fertility, especially until it affects them. I am sorry for what you are going through. I do not have any words of wisdom, I read your post and felt for ya....be well!

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