how can i stop or calm down sibling rivalry

Davida - posted on 05/19/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )




plz can any1 giv me any advice im a stay at home mum of 3 kids 2 lads n a lil girl there all under the age of 5 n i know how there meant to go thru the stages where there naughty like having tantrums n stuff but i have the problem where my eldest whos just turned 3 keeps bullying his lil bro whos 2 there both well mannered n very sensative at times n there great with there lil sis even great when having meals n stuff its just the problem with sibling rivalry plz help im at boiling point n me and there dad r on verge of spliting thru it n i dont want them to think its there fault thanks x


Christy - posted on 05/19/2011




Your little ones are at the perfect age to train them. Literally. Have them join you in everything you do. If you'd like to train them one at a time, have an activity at the table for one, while you have the other one work with you. Doing dishes? Let them rinse. They can help unload the dishwasher, just put the dishes in cupboards where they can reach to put them away. Scrubbing something? Give them a rag or sponge. They will join you and you can sing together and laugh together. Then as part of the training, when one is not nice to the other, you can nicely say, "Oh, that's not nice, let's say this instead." Then practice together. This process takes years. I know, so much work. It's part of being a parent. If you don't teach them exactly what to do, they won't know what is appropriate and what is not.

As for your marriage, Michelle is right, anything going on in your marriage will be felt by your children. It will totally affect them. My husband and I have recently gone through a marriage program by Dr. Willard Harley. We bought his book, "His Needs, Her Needs for Parents" and "Love Busters." This program saved our marriage! I obviously don't know your circumstances, but he even deals with cheating. Whatever your issues, they can be fixed. You can buy these books on used if you can't afford to pay full price. When my husband and I went through the program, we read a chapter every Sunday night, discussed it and made a plan to implement it. The next Sunday we'd talk about our progress, read another chapter and add to what we were working on. Marriage is always a work in progress. Don't throw in the towel!

Michelle - posted on 05/19/2011




My kids are 3,2, and 5 months. The older two have days when they love each other and days when they hate each other. My son used to be the bully and/or instigator but as my daughter has gotten older they are getting to be equal in that way. My husband and I have been trying to take them each out by themselves when we run errands and stuff. They like that and the little bit of time apart does us all some good. We also try to pick their seats at the table so that they bug each other less. Some of it you just can't stop. Even at your kids age they can probably sense the tension between you and your husband which just adds to the problem. I would suggest maybe some marriage counseling or a weekly date night or something where you can work on your marriage. Working on your marriage will probably reduce the stress for everyone and improve your kids behavior some.

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