How can you get a 4 year old to sleep in her own bed and not mine


Cara - posted on 01/05/2009




I got a "prize" bin, I filled it with cheap toys from the dollar section and told my then 3 year old that if he stayed in his own bed all night in the morning he could pick out 1 thing. It worked great, at the time we also had 2 year old twins who were having the same problem. I know that a lot of people don't really like bribing, but it worked great and fast! Plus we only bribed for about 2 weeks, they didn't ask for any more toys and they stayed in their own beds! Good luck to you!!


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Melonie - posted on 08/08/2012




I am struggling with this right now. I keep saying I am going to let her just cry but she is screaming all night and driving me nutts! funny thing is her toddler bed is still in my room. So im starting her small. i blame it on the nursing lol.

Christie - posted on 01/06/2009




I took my daughter back to bed several times, but not talking; it wasn't fun time to go back to her room (mommy was not nice, though I wasn't mean either). I just looked at her, took her back to her room, and laid her down and said "this is your bed, mommy sleeps in her bed, we all have our own bed, good night. Love you." and kissed her. That was the first time ~ each subsequent time (if there were any) that evening, I would just walk her back and put her in the minute I heard her stirring (before she made it to my room, if possible) with a "go to sleep" firmly stated.

Debbie - posted on 01/06/2009




im going throught the same thing and i got my daughter out of sleeping with me and my hubby but just recently she was having nightmares and since then will not stop a whole night in her bed this has gone on for the last 3 weeks and im worn out and she still wont stop in her own room i even sit with my girls aged 6 an 4 till they go to sleep or they would both be in my bed and ive tried it all no matter how many times i put her back the min i go to sleep shes back so good luck i hope you have more luck than me lol happy new year everyone x

Jeanne - posted on 01/05/2009




I have a 4 year old that also does not like to sleep in her bed. She is getting better. First you have to find out why they won't sleep in their bed. Someone suggested to me a change in the room color, I let her pick out the color and new decor and it made a big difference. Then for the occasional nights she would want to sleep with mommy I wouldn't give in and we started a chart and after 14 days in her own bed she would get something special that she got to choose. We put a sticker on her chart in the morning when she has stayed in her bed. She loves the chart and tells everone about it and it has worked. 4 is a very hard age I think. They want to be independent yet still want to be babied. Good luck.

Chika - posted on 01/05/2009




Get his room to be so exciting for him.You could even get him to join in with doing it up. Get him to look forward to sleeping in his own bed and patiently but firmly keep puttinng him to sleep in his bed. Hope this works for you.

Nicki - posted on 01/05/2009




I have a 4 yr old daughter and yes when they are 4 they should understand when you tell them they have to sleep in there own bed, every once in a great while we have this prob but she goes straight back in her room, i dont know what else to say. but by 4 they should understand that they have to sleep in there own room. all tho when she was younger i had a problem getting her to sleep in her own room i just keep putting her back in her bed but she was also 2 1/2 at that time sooo... good luck! :)

Molly - posted on 01/05/2009




I'm going through this too with my 3 year old. He got a new sleeping bag and pillow over Christmas, and I put it on his bed in his brother's room so it was like a slumber party. He did come in a couple of times, but I kissed him and put him back in bed. We'll see about tonight.

Narelle - posted on 01/03/2009




Be prepared for a 3 or 4 sleep deprived nights where everytime she comes into your room you tell her that she must sleep all night in her own bed and take her straight back, don't let her in at all because then she would have won - it will take a few nights, but you will ultimately win the battle if you perservere. I have a set time when they are allowed to come in (which is usually when the sun is up) if before 6am, they get taken back to their own beds. Basically I agree wholeheartedly with Stephanie.

Emily - posted on 12/31/2008




Read the "No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers" by Elizabeth Pantley. By 4 years, you can't really lock them in their room and make them cry-it-out... Elizabeth Pantley has some great ideas and suggestions on getting kids to WANT to sleep in their own room.

I was having similar issues with our older girls (now 3 1/2 and 2 1/2). We love co-sleeping, but when you only have a Queen size bed and three little ones, you have to draw the line somewhere. After reading this book and using several of the tips, our older girls are going to sleep in their own bed in their own room after just a hug and kiss at the end of the bedtime routine... and they stay there ALL NIGHT (most of the time anyway). We still have an "open-bed" policy and will allow them to come into our room if they need to... but they usually don't come into our room until around 6am. Then I let them climb into bed with me because DH is already up and in the shower, and I don't want to get up yet.

Shelly - posted on 12/30/2008




i agree with being consistent and keep putting her back to bed. We are having the same issue with our 3 yr old daughter. What we have also tried is using the "bedtime fairy". I'm not really into "bribing" so to speak but we are desparate for a good night sleep. What we told her is if she stayed in her bed all night the bedtime fairy would come and leave something under her pillow(such a pack of stickers or some thing like that). You are only supposed to do it for a couple of nights, so far it has worked for us. Just a suggestion!

Tasha - posted on 12/30/2008




What I have done with all three of my kids is take the pillow that you use every night and put it on her bed say here honey this is mommys pillow this way she can have your smell in her bed then you tell her mommy is right her I am not going anywhere if you need somthing all you have to do is say mommy and I will be in here. my aunt kisses her daughter's hand a bunch of times and says if you need a kiss in the night all you have to do is put this hand on your cheek and theres a kiss from me you can never run out they don't even wash away.

User - posted on 12/30/2008




I agree with Stephanie. You can't give in. If you've already done so, you have to break your daughter of a bad habit. Just keep putting her back in bed over and over and letting her know you'll see her in the morning. Make sure she has a nightlight if she needs one or a favorite blanket. You could also try giving her a toy that she can only have in her bed - my daughter has a stuffed princess doll that she loves to sleep with. Hope this helps.

Gina - posted on 12/30/2008




When my son was little he used to get high fevers and when he would we would put him in our bed and then it would take a week or two to get him back in his, we would sleep next to his bed on the floor until he fell asleep and within a few days we would sit by the door with it open and then in another few days we would sit by the door shut and then we wouldn't have to do it at all. Hope this helps.

Stephanie - posted on 12/30/2008




Keep putting her back to bed, over and over and over again. At 4 there is an understanding. Simply explain that her bed is all hers to sleep in, and yours is only yours to sleep in. Don't give in! Stay persistant, if it takes until you have to use your "stern" voice, then do it. If you let her "win" by getting in your bed after you've said no, then she will always win.

Let her know you love her very much, and cant wait to see her in the morning =)

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