how do i deal best with the dreaded mother in law?

Danielle - posted on 07/12/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My husbands mother has never liked me. Believe it or not im ok with that but i am worried about her taking it out on my daughter. The veey first time i met her she told my husband, in front of me, that she feels like he is settling. It gets worse from there. She was very upset when we found out i was pregnant and she with the help of her sister completely ruined the baby shower by telling people that i said something horrible about my husbands two kids from his previous marriage. Which never even happened. I know shes trying to destroy our relationship.. its not that or me i am worried for. When she asks about his other two kids she never asks about his new baby. She always wants to take them places and buys them whatever they want but doesnt even acknowledge that my baby exists. Any advice?

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Michelle - posted on 07/13/2016

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So when his Mother asks him about his other children he should make a point of telling her the baby is going and not saying anything about the other children.
Also I think he needs to let her know that her behaviour isn't needed and if she continues to treat you like she is then she will lose contact with all of you (including his other children). He really needs to let her know that she needs to treat you better and sometimes tough love is what is needed. He may have to cut off contact for while.

Gardensparrow - posted on 07/12/2016

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Well, first of all, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Having a challenging in-law in your life is definitely not easy. But my first thought was to wonder if your husband is aware of her behavior? If not, I would sit down and talk with him about your frustrations. Then perhaps he could confront her about this issue? Oftentimes, it seems to go over better if the child (adult) can address their parent's behavior rather than you having to do it. And if she's not receptive to what he has to say, it might be time to set some boundaries (this article at http://bit.ly/1niW6S8 had some suggestions on how to do this). So, just some thoughts to consider...

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Sofia - posted on 07/13/2016

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This is your husbands mother. He needs to tell her to stop and show a united front. You are his new family. The mother isn't part of it. She doesn't seem to want to spend time with your child so that's better isn't it. You really don't want them together. Don't fight this battle too hard. Focus on your little family. Say no to MIL. Don't listen to anything she or her sister says about you.

Danielle - posted on 07/12/2016

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Thank you very much for responding. He is definitely aware of the way she behaves. We have talked about it numerous times. She is a very narcissistic person. For example after her made up story from the baby shower she called him to tell him how awful i am and when he didnt immediately side with her she hung up and refused to take his calls for two weeks. At that time my daughter was still in the NICU as she was very under weight. She was born 2 pounds exactly. The following week we were able to bring her home finally after 23 days. His mother called only to inquire about his other two children. Not once asked about the baby or how she was adjusting or anyone else. It was another 4 weeks before she spoke to me. She wanted to hold the baby but i was feeding her so i told her no. He is very aware of his mothers behavior. She is disrespectful to both of us he is at just as much of a loss as i am. While i have questions for her and things i want cleared up, i dont want to bring them up because she will make it difficult for my husband

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