How do I deal with my mother n law?

Elizabeth - posted on 09/03/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My husband and I have been married for 9 years. Our daughter is 8, and our son is 1. I've tried to get along with my inlaws, but its impossible. It all started when my daughter was born. My inlaws would get upset if I didnt let them keep her all the time. My mil would call herself mommy to her. They talked about me like i was horrible, telling outrageous lies, at first, my husband believed them and took up for them, but after a few years, he saw how they are. they would get my little girl alone and tell her things about me, and she wouldnt even speak to me when she would come home from a visit with them, she would tell me that i'm mean and all sorts of things. when i got pregnant with my baby boy, my mil was telling people that i didnt deserve another baby, and that she prayed that god would intervene in the situation..even after all that, i still let her see the kids. but then she started telling people that she had to raise the kids, that they wouldnt have anything if it werent for her, and she has never even bought a pack of diapers for the baby. after that, i said enough is enough, and havent let her see the kids. we live beside them, so she sees my older daughter when shes outside, but my little girl wont even speak to her. she tells everyone that im crazy...and i'm starting to feel like im go ing crazy. we cant afford to move away, and it gets worse and worse. she still tells my little girl t hings when she sees her o utside...what do i do? am i crazy?

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Gloria - posted on 09/04/2012

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All you need is your husband and kids try to forget about inlaws and all the problems that They have caused. Honestly, she's the one who has lost her mind sounds like her jealousy has really turned her into a monster. Good luck I'd keep my kids close to me and stay far away from those who dont act right...

Corinne - posted on 09/04/2012

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Elizabeth, I know how you feel, as I've been there before. My M.I.L told all her family that our first child was an accident, that I was a glorified whore as I was a professional dancer (ballet), questioned the paternity of the kids, tried to break up our marriage (he only married me as it was 'the right thing to do' - apparently)......I could go on for hours, but I won't.

Your husband isn't in the middle, he chose to marry and create a family with you - that family is his number one priority. It took a long time for my husband to realise that, although he was used to his mothers lying and manipulations, it wasn't normal and we didn't have to put up with it. What she was doing was damaging our family and that is not acceptable. As your M.I.L is lying to your child about you, she is also damaging your child. I would not allow this woman any time alone with your children, ever, clearly she cannot be trusted. If she is luring your child into her home, taking her without consent, that is abduction! You could have her done for it.

I would consider writing and sending a family statement. Say that you've heard things being said that aren't true, set the record straight and outline boundaries for all extended family members. If people want to share in your lives, they will respect your wishes and support you; those that cannot, can say goodbye.

We never got to write our statement, as my husband stood up for me and his babies one too many times. His mother couldn't handle having her lies thrown back in her face and decided she was better off without us in her life. This was 14 months ago and although a lot of her family are still believing her lies and backing her up, our lives are so much easier. Our children have lost their gran, great aunt, great gran and step granddad, possibly others, but they do not need there peoples issues impacting on their lives.

Just a thought. Would your husband consider counselling? Make a note or recording of what you M.I.L is saying about you and get someone elses opinion. Ask him why you should put up with that and why your children should be exposed to someone so toxic.

I truely hope you get somewhere with this, good luck x

Elizabeth - posted on 09/03/2012

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I have talked to him...he's starting to see more of it..but its still his mom. I hate to put him in the middle, but my goodness she's horrible. She has started saying things to him, ,and people have come back telling him things she says, he jumps her for it, but she always makes excuses. People do believe her...those who know me well no its not true. but family on their side that dont know me and friends of hers believe it. I hate holidays!! So much stress, I feel like such an outcast, most wont even speak to me. She's tried since my daughter has been born to turn her against me, so far it hasnt worked, but it doesnt feel good when your 2 year old comes home and says mommys mean and hits and does things. I've told my husband if she wants to see the kids, she can, but she has to come to our house when i'm home and visit with them...just so i know she hasnt told them anything bad, she doesnt even deserve that in my opinion. But she hasn't come to see the baby in about 4 months, she sees my little girl outside, but she doesnt talk to her unless she can get her to come in her house. they bribe her with buying her things to get her to go to their house...its a mess. i feel like im gonna have a nervous breakdown if something doesn't give. I just dont know

Roxanna - posted on 09/03/2012

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Wow! Can you discuss this with your husband? You need his support on this. You could be evil and record the things she says about you, I would, and then have your husband listen on. You shouldn't have to move, but are people really believing her? Please let me know.

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