How do I deal with seperation issues with a 4 year old?

Angie - posted on 09/13/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am at a loss and dont know what to do or try. My 4 yr old throws a huge fit when staying at grandmas if he sees me leaving. He wants to stay but dont want me to leave and never believes that I will be back when I always am. I need help on finding ways to help relieve the stress on both of us in making this easier. Also if there are any tips on trying to get him to sleep in his own bed that would be helpful too.

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[deleted account]

All I can say is be consistent and stay positive. I'm going through something very similar w/ my 3.5 year old who is going to preschool 2 days/week. He starts talking about not wanting to go to school at least a day ahead of time. He wants to go home instead of driving to school. He wants to stay w/ me. He screams when I leave, etc.... Inside it breaks my heart, but on the outside I am very calm and matter of fact... I know you don't want to go to school. School is your job (just like his big sisters). I love you. Hugs and kisses. I'll see you after lunch (when I pick him up), etc.... Then I give him to the teacher and just leave.

You say he throws a fit when he sees you leaving.... Have you snuck out on him before? I know some parents have done this, but I really, really, really do not think it is a good idea. I would rather my son KNOW when I am leaving and KNOW when I am coming back and have him freak out instead of sneaking out on him while he's happy and have him freak when he realizes I just left him. Sure, not listening to him scream would be easier on ME, but this isn't about me. It's about him.

Hang in there and I hope it gets easier for both of you (and me and my son) soon!!

Katherine - posted on 09/14/2011

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Give him something to keep from you. Like a picture or something important like the house key that he knows you have to come back for. There was a little girl in my daughters preschool class that was the same way. That's what her mom did and it worked like a charm.

[deleted account]

I am sorry I don't have any advice. I am going through the same thing. I really wish someone here could give us a little insight on this almost critical question! Good luck my dear.

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