How do I deal with this?

Veronica - posted on 11/24/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )

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First things first my name is Veronica and I was a single mom for a long time..I just recently met someone in the last 2 years and we're getting married in June of 2016.He has 4 kids and I have 1 so all together we have 5.So he tells me out of the blue yesterday that our 21 year old will be coming home for thanksgiving and bringing his girlfriend with him and that since she doesn't have any family close by that she will be staying with us..At that point I hit the roof,he never asked me he just told me..Out of shock I had to give it sometime go digest so that I could approach this from the right perspective..I asked him if it were our daughter would he allow the boy to spend the night and his response was'of course if they had been in a relationship for a while and I talked it over with both of them..Well at this point I'm upset because I know he's not being honest with himself and I tell him I don't feel comfortable for two 21 years to be sleeping together under our roof..He then responds' I've been doing this with my boys for a long time and I'm gonna keep doing what works for me..Like what the hell does that mean?So upset and hurt because now Your telling me that even though I've treated yours like they were mine now its'I'm gonna keep doing what works for me"mind you now he has a 26,24,21,18 so they're all moved out.How do you think I should handle this?

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Jodi - posted on 11/24/2015

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I think perhaps you are over-reacting. If you guys know each other well enough to commit to getting married, then why did you not know that this is how things are done in his house? Why is it such a big deal for you? Let's face it. They are 21 - they are old enough to have a sexual relationship. Preventing them, at this point, from sleeping together under your roof is not going to prevent them having a sexual relationship. If you had younger children in the house, I could understand (my adult children don't sleep with their partners in my home as I also have a 10 year old in the home and I want examples set appropriately). But what are you hoping to achieve by taking a stand on this issue?

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