how do I find time for Myself

Jenny - posted on 02/23/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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i have one child. but he takes up all my time. he was born 10 weeks early. I never seem to find time to myself. between house work and taking care of my son I have no time for my self. and on days that my hubby is off i want lay back and relax. sometimes my hubby thinks that my job is easy. you try doing dish and laundry with a 2 year at your side. for that matter try cleaning the rest of the house. don't get me wrong I love my son so every much. by the time bedtime hits all i want to do is sleep. some times my son has a hard time sleeping at night. those are the days when i tell my husband it's time for a long vaction. yea right in my wildest dreams. we don't have the money for that. do you ever fill like you need a long vaction away by your self. with no one around to ask you where this, how do you do this, I need your help. I can't get him to eat for me. this is just a little of what my day is like when dad is home. don't get me wrong he is a great husband he is new to the hole parenting thing and doing good so far. i use to babysit a lot when i was younger.

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Amanda - posted on 02/23/2010

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It's that age group. And as much as we love our husbands they can be real pains when it comes to their parenting ideas vs reality. lol

Try to get your husband to take over for you when he's home...it's hard I know cause they don't do it like us....but they have to do it...and 1 day won't kill the child. My husband complaines all the time that I feed my daughter better than him ect. But he has to do it.

My husband lost his job just before x-mas so has been home with her for almost 3 months now.....so he better not complain that it's an easy job...he knows better. I go off this Sunday on Mat leave 7 wks eairly expecting baby 2...so hubby will have to step up again.

Try to get out of the house....play groups.....or leave your lil one for an over night or weekend with a trusted friend or relative. Have a wee vacation at home.

Jennifer - posted on 02/23/2010

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WOW..add twins(2yrsold) and make your son 3yr old, and that sounds JUST like my days!!! No Joking..right down to the hubby thinking youve done nthingall day...myson was 6wks early, and girls were 8wks early.talk about all time gone!! Join a moms club...I just did, and have found there are a LOT of us out there, witht the same days!!Hang in there..and just look around on the internet for a moms club near you!!

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Kristin - posted on 03/02/2010

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What are you interested in doing? I enjoy gardening and that sort of thing, so I joined my local orchd society. I get at least one night,for two hours, a month off from parenting. I might help with dinner but my husband handles the clean up, bath and bedtime. I may stay at home with our kids, and yes it is 24-7-365. But if I can't have a little quality me time, I've got nothing left for ANYBODY else (including my husband).I did have to it down with my husband and explain to him that he wrks 40 - 45 hours a week and then comes home to do what? Watch TV, play, eat and then what? He's a grown up and while I love that I get to be home with our kids, and I appreciate the paycheck he bring home, I AM NOT his housekeeper. If I had wanted to be a single parent, I would have done this differently. I am his partner in our home and I need him to be working 24-7-365 too.

I also get up crazy early to run, 20 -30 minutes of zen like therapy, just me and the dog. All I need to think about is breathing and where home is, so peaceful.

What it all came down to was explaining to my husband what it would cost him if I didn't get what I needed. It opened the lines of communication between us, and that has helped in a lot of areas.

Have you got other mom friends in the area? If so, I bet you could trade a couple hours of playdate/sitting time with them. You watch hers for an afternoon so she can get a little time to herself. Then she watches yours for an afternoon so you can get a little time for yourself. Just a thought.

Yes, I absolutely want a vacation alone, even my spouse can't come. If anybody else comes, it's just me taking my life on the road.

Adrianne - posted on 03/02/2010

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Ugh tell me about it. My husband is a great dad dont get me wrong in any way...but sometimes he gets annoyed that by the time he gets home i just want to lock myself in my room and not do anything else. he thinks being here all day long with 4,2,1 year olds is easy and i shouldnt be that tired because they're not babies anymore. right! He's great with them, he loves to play with them and all that stuff, but when it comes down to the things that need to be done, like baths, or taking out trash or just helping me fold laundry or something, i have to hunt him down and ask him a million times and he'll finally get up and come help me, but will never volunteer to let me take a break and he'll do the dishes or he'll give them baths or whatnot. I completely value nap time. i know i could probably be cleaning like i do most of the morning, but i just have to be able to sit down for a little bit and not think about everything that needs to be done and how little time i have to do it before they go to bed. i know we're both young (24) and i know he still likes to just mess around and play instead of being serious, and he does work hard, but i would just sometimes like help and not have to beg for it. ♥

Lacey - posted on 03/02/2010

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Jenny,

We are all in that boat!! Sometimes we pop in and out of that boat. I decided to join a gym that has childcare. And now I am doing something to make myself feel better and my son gets to spend sometime with other children. He is an only child (13mo old). It is just time to take care of me. So that will help me and maybe it will help you. I know that gyms can be expensive but if you want something badly enough you can figure out how to budget it in.

Is it the little one that you are having problems getting to eat? When this happens in my house, I just remember what my dr told me "A baby will never starve themselves or dehydrate themselves" just start over with something that they really like. My son loves sweet potatoes and when we hit a bad food week we go back to that until he regains his appetite.

Shirley - posted on 02/23/2010

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Maybe, just mabye, you sort of having a hard time adjusting from being single to being a mother, a hands on mother. Being a mother and a wife really is a full time job, 24/7. But be patient and persevering, it's okay if you do not have much time for yourself, if going out with friends and strolling and malling, freeing yourself for a while of taking care of your baby and attending to all the househol chores is what you mean by having time for yourself. Be grateful that you are able, most specially, attend to all the needs of your child, this a very great time for bonding and molding your son, grateful for being there and be the frist one to WITNESS all the FIRST achievements of your son. A lot of mom have missed this important moments, (be sure to record if not in video, in your journal, all these first), and they really regret not being there and not being able to attend to their children's needs, whenever the need arises. Me, I am happy and grateful that I sacrificed my job and gave all my time to my children. Do you know that most children of hands-on moms are more disciplined, compassionate, and have a happier outlook in life. Be VERY PATIENT, it will not last a long time, because before you knew it, your children will be grown ups, they will not be needing much of your personal touch and attention, then you will have a lot of time in your hands for yourself, then, you will not have to regret not being there for them and all the hardship that you will give them, it will pay off, you'll see, because, they will return the love and attention you have given them, and you will feel blessed and grateful. Just thank God, you can look after your son personally, others could not afford that. Good luck and God bless you.

Mandy - posted on 02/23/2010

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I have a girl who just turned 2 last month. She is my youngest of 3, oldest is 5 and then I have a 3yo too. I don't get much done compared to most I'm sure. I've just set up some routines and hope to get those done at least. I have learned to start teaching the kids chores early. This week, my 2yo helped me wash windows. She also likes to help unload the dishwasher and even set the table She has a lot of energy and we're finally using it for positive things vs. making big messes ALL of the time. When naptime comes around, I don't do chores, that is me time as well as when it is bedtime. I try to fit in chores throughout the day. Mostly its just bits and pieces but I get the major stuff done like a load of laundry a day, cooking and dishes. Check out flylday.com for help on developing routines that work for you. I recently had surgery and I can't believe it took having surgery to find sometime to myself. After 5 days in bed, I was really missing my kids. Hope you can get sometime away for a date night or even a girls night out. It really helps!

User - posted on 02/23/2010

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well as long as your baby can not walk or crawl yet u should be ok too take timeout at home. You need that time too reenergize. I was the same way with our first but as time goes on it gets better. Men do not have the patients we have but they need daddy time with there kids too...this will give them time too bond, so when you need to leave for long periods u will not be too worried. I am still like that just a tad bit cause men are too relax with the kids. If u have a cellphone just call and check up them while u are gone. I just started taking excercise classes and I would come home feeling good. We all need that time.

Medic - posted on 02/23/2010

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By the time my son was two he was helping with some chores...he put his own clothes in his dresser he picked up his own toys and he could play in his room so I could shower in peace and quiet. I also took full advantage of his nap times and now we have a manditory 2 hours of rest in our house.....I don't care if he 'reads' or talks to his animals as long as his 3 year old little booty is in his bed. He knows he can't get up till 3 and it has been that way as long as he can remember. Just block time for yourself....there is no reason why kids need mom to entertain them all the time and as long as they learn that they will be ok playing and amusing them by themselves it will be easy. You can always just wait till your hubby is home get your son interested in him and go lock yourself in the bathroom with a good book or magizine and run the water so they think your in the shower.

Mirdza - posted on 02/23/2010

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It is sometimes hard when we have little ones around. My advice is to just make taking care of him a priority, and the house and dishes can wait for a while. Perhaps your husband can help wash the dishes after dinner, for example. Put in a load of laundry and take care of your son while he is awake. While he is napping choose to do a half hour of exercise so you can get your energy, or just put on some relaxing music and lay down for a half hour.

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