how do i get him off his butt?

Bianca - posted on 09/24/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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my partner isnt working and our rent is currently one 3rd of my pension.. i only got paid today, paid the elec, gas, water and rent and i have 50 bucks leftover to last us the fortnight... luckily we have a little help from our parents when things get really bad and we need things for our daughter, but it isnt enough and we cant keep getting supported by them... i really need my partner to find a job the only problem is none suit him.. too many hours, not enough hours, dont like doing that, pays too low.... he just comes up with endless excuses and its getting to me... he wont babysit if i work and the cost of care for her will defeat the purpose of me working, as i cant take on as many hours as him.... he has a bit of a problem were he sits around near the toilet for a couple of hours in the morning and when he does get a job is usually fired after the first few weeks from being late or calling in sick with stomach pains...



how do i get him to see how hard it is for me to balance all the costs on my low income... it just dosnt cover it... not to mention he wants his pleasures so i have to cut back on my non-existent spending???? help me please

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Diane - posted on 09/24/2009

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tough love, I use to have a partner like that. then I woke up and smelled the coffee and realized that I can do bad by myself. You need to give him an ultimatum me or leave, and give him a month and if he hasn't stepped up to the plate walk. If he loves you he will want to take care of you instead of you taking care of him. do you go t church? if so talk to your pastor. pray on the situation and ask God to give you guidance and he will. I might not have my ex but I am happy and he is still the same not wanting towork and have everything handed to him and he is 60 years old.

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Stacy - posted on 09/24/2009

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Hey girl, please don't take this as a men bashing session. But you put this out there for the world to see. I am sure you love your honey. Truely. BUT it sounds like he is looking for a sugar mama. And you just don't have the ability to do that. You don't want to take advantage of your parents too much, because you will ultimately burn that bridge. If you have tried, begged and pleaded with your honey to get off his lazy butt and just do something, yet he refuses or finds more excuses...it's time to move on. You have a baby to look after. Someone who can't depend on anyone but you to take care of them. You HAVE to look out for her first. If that means you give the ultimatum of get a job or get out...then do it. There will always be gov't programs out there to help the single mom too. WIC and food stamps help...not always the proud thing to do, but if you need the help, take it. There are also Daycare payment programs too. No one says you have to do it forever, but until you get on your feet, where you can do it on your own, without the help of someone who is going to mooch....then you do it. Remember, that little girl is depending on you to be the best you can be. If that means walking away from her dad for a while, so he can pull his head out of his ass....then do it. There will always be a huge support system for you. If you need the re-assurance that you are doing the right thing, run it all by your family. Run it by his too if you are on good terms with them. Even if you don't have much support, you don't want to run into a problem where you can't take care of your daughter and have to go down that road. You have options, girl!! Just don't be afraid of utilizing every one of them. Be strong!!



PS...stop paying for his ass!! don't be paying for his pleasures when you don't get to enjoy anything on your own!! He may get mad...but if he wants $$$ he'll have to work for it, damn it!! LOL It's all about your daughter!!

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