how do i get my 8 month old unspoiled? he cries everytime i walk away or put him down.

Suzann - posted on 08/20/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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it dosent matter what i do he always cries, i dont have 2 mins to myself and i dont like to let him cry,

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Heather - posted on 08/20/2010

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As a parent of 2 (1 and 4) and daycare provoder to many over the years as well as haveing a BS in Family Studies...I have to tell you that is what babies do at that age! It is the first stages of attachment. First feel proud of your self because your baby is securely attached to you and that is a very good thing that means he not only loves you but knows you will provide for him and he trusts you do so!
This attachment doesn't mean he is spoiled it is normal development any mother that tells you "my child didn't do that" is either lying or has/had an unsecurely attached child!
Some tricks to try out that may help are reassurence...when you need to go to another room put baby down tell him where you are going and that you will be back...talk to baby from the other room tell them what you are doing and when your on your way back...when baby becomes very upset that he's on the floor while you are completing a task tell him "I HEAR you, I know your are upset but I am folding laundry etc.." Saying I HEAR you validates his feelings! YES, even little ones have feelings and need reassurence it will take a week or so before you see some improvement but you will. Also, playing on the floor next to your baby putting baby next to you instead of on your lap helps to give space to explore and realize the are other things avaliable...
This phase will pass and then reoccur in about 6-9mos again...Take a postive approach! Good Luck!

Kelly - posted on 08/20/2010

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Since you're son is older and already is developing some ideas on object permanence he realizes that if you leave you don't disappear and crying is his way of calling you back. I don't believe in letting a baby cry it out for more than 3-4 minutes. To me it is like ignoring an older child who is calling "Mommy! Mommy!" and can only lead to baby realizing that you will not always respond to his needs. That is when they seem to cry all the time instead of just when they need something. That being said I think you need to work incrementally to gain independence. When my son started objecting to my leaving the room I would come back and sit near him while he played for a couple of minutes until he calmed down and then leave again, but not sneak out. Step 2 was to play peek-a-boo from around a corner or by popping in and out of the room so he knew I was still there. Next I would keep talking to him from wherever I was if he was upset and pop back in if he didn't calm down. Eventually I was able to go off and leave him either in his Exersaucer, pack n'play or other secure area to switch laundry around, do a little vacuuming or whatever. I still do some of my chores when he is napping, but it sure is nice to be able to pee without him on my lap or set him in his pack n'play in the kitchen so I can do dishes or cook!! It is also wonderful that times like right now I can be on the computer having me time while he crawls around exploring our living room which is baby-proofed and scattered with toys. He stops by to chat or cuddle then moves on to another crawl-about. Keep in mind I know my son is a really laid back kid, loves everyone and is rarely clingy and has been since birth. A large part is nature, but I believe some is nurture too. Good luck!!

Christie - posted on 11/20/2013

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I just wanted to thank these two people who responded positively and reassuringly to this question. I looked it up because i am having this issue with my 8 month old and the three other sites I looked at first were VERY negative. Basically they said that the child is spoiled, that you totally ignore what they are doing and go about your business, and that they are just taking advantage of you. Some mothers said the best thing to do is to just put them in a different room until they stop crying? These are babies for goodness sakes!

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